A 9,200 Word Recap of Degrassi Season 14, Episodes 1-12

New Students | New Teachers | Spinner

New Students

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There’s a black guy who looks like every black guy in a video game from the ‘90s. Since he is always around Zig, I assume he is Zig’s sidekick. I call him Black Zig. There’s also a new black girl, but based on Degrassi history, won’t be worth remembering.

There’s this boy in the musical duo with Becky who is gay but doesn’t know it. Miles’s little brother is also on the show.

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So is Miles’s sister, who is a cheerleader along with Imogen’s girlfriend, the black girl, and a girl with pink and purple hair.

Oh shit, a girl will pink and purple hair! She is just as nuts as you would expect. Just look at those eyes. Fucking scary.

I want to give some important advice to the 3 or 4 males who read this site: woman with weird-colored hair are insane. Each and every one of them. And not normal everyday chick insanity either; they are dangerously insane.

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Your standard girl with pink hair is a special snowflake who spends too much time on Tumblr reblogging social justice bullshit. She’s mentally unstable and has been known to cut herself for attention. Never EVER date her and avoid her at all costs. Sure, she might seem cool at first. But then you will notice her weird quirks. Like how she giggles at everything you say, even if it’s not a joke. And plays that part from FFVII where Cloud wears a dress over and over again. But then you will do something to piss her off without realizing it. Maybe you will laugh at a slightly offensive joke. Maybe you didn’t want to watch The Fault in Our Stars with her for the forty millionth time. That is when she will turn on you hard. Before you realize what you did to piss her off, she’ll have torn up all your furniture with scissors. What you really have to be afraid of is that she has no problem with going to the police and telling them you raped her. She has plenty of experience creating fake tears and making up trauma. She does it all the time with her therapist.

grace

Finally, there is Grace. She is the new Alex or Bianca, the edgy bad girl. But she is also a computer hacker. She set up the cheerleaders’ boobs-for-money app, and took a 20% commission for doing so. Sweet deal!

She has blue streaks in her hair, so she is trouble. She has a tattoo of lightning bolt she got when she was 14. She wanted to get Kim Possible, but the tattoo guy didn’t know who that was.

Actually, I don’t know if she is a hacker as much as we always see her in the hallway, typing away on her laptop. I don’t know if she even goes to classes. She might just be someone who spends too much time on Facebook.

[edit: Turns out I first saw Grace in an episode from last year. I cannot be expected to remember this. I have angry letters to write to the newspaper.]


I know I’m getting older because the teenagers on this show look like children to me. I mean, the actors have always been young, but I’ve never though they looked as baby faced as they do now. Don’t get me wrong, I still masturbate while watching this show. Don’t peg me as some weirdo who watches Degrassi for the acting or writing.


New Teachers

Chante

Chante is back as a teacher.

Holly J

Holly J is too!


Spinner

spinner

Spinner is briefly in one episode. He is still running the Dot and hired Eli for the summer. Eli left the interview to punch Drew. And Spinner still gave him the job. Later, Eli left work without telling Spinner when he found out he fathered the blob in Clare’s belly. I don’t think Spinner exercised good judgment in hiring Eli. He must have seen a lot of his old buddy Craig in that young Eli. You can’t let sentimentality influence your management, Spinner. It’s the coffee shop business, not the coffee shop friendship. I mean, we all saw what a mistake it was for Gunter to hire Rachel at Central Perk! They weren’t even Friends LOL!

This is still better than what I thought was going to happen when people told me Spinner came back. Last time he was on the show, he was a skeezy 23-year-old who spent all his time with teenagers. I was worried we’d see him ask out Becky and try to start a band with Drew.

 

 

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