Bunheads: 1.04 “Better Luck Next Year”

Season 1 Episode 4
Airdate: July 9, 2012

There was no new Bunheads last week. I guess ABC Family’s main programmer took the day off, so duties fell to the assistant programmer. You’ll know whenever he takes over, because he’s the guy who likes to air The Notebook non-stop all day.

A moving crew has brought over Michelle’s stuff from her apartment in Vegas, including all the furniture. Michelle cannot believe that she ever owned so much stuff. I feel that way every time I have to move. I do no own this many parachute pants! No way! I only wear, like, half of them. Michelle asks Not Emily Gilmore if there is anywhere on the property to store her belongings. NEG says there is not. “You think I’d have 200 cuckoo clocks on the wall if I had a place to store them?” Just have a yard sale.

Booboo and her mom go to a farmer’s market. I see a farmer’s market sometimes when I am walking home. It makes me think, man, I should start eating vegetables. Booboo talks about the upcoming Joffrey auditions. The Joffrey people will be coming to NEG’s dance studio to audition kids for a summer program. People from the school go from town to town to evaluate dancers? I would think the kids would have to go to New York to audition.

Michelle moved into the guesthouse, but finds that the stove doesn’t work, also the refrigerator is hot. She still takes some food out of the fridge and tries to cook it. I would think you’d want to not eat food that has been in a refrigerator for an indeterminate amount of time, especially when the fridge doesn’t work. Then she thinks there is a gas leak and runs outside.

That night, NEG enters the guesthouse and sees that all of Michelle’s stuff is crammed inside. NEG wakes Michelle to ask why all the windows and doors are open. Michelle says it is because of the gas leak. Michelle is a fucking retard. How did she manage to make it to 35 without accidentally killing herself? NEG tells Michelle to get rid of all her junk so the Joffrey people don’t see it. The Joffrey people are going to check out the guest house?

The next morning, Michelle is eating chips in her underwear. Some of the dance kids see her from the window, so she retreats in embarrassment. It’s your house, stand your ground! You think I put on clothes just because the girl scouts are knocking at my door? Those bitches want my money.

courtesy: enalgunlugar.tumblr.com

Sasha tries to make nice with Booboo after being a B to her last episode. She kicks a boy out of the way of the bars to offer them to Boo. Boys in ballet get no respect.

NEG tries to plan for hosting Joffrey with a catering company run by Crazy Sales Lady and a stoner. Stoners run most of the small businesses in the Pacific Northwest. He is not happy to be a caterer. He should open a medical marijuana dispensary if he wants to own a business. If you do what you love, you’ll love what you do!

Joffrey informs NEG that they are canceling the auditions at her studio. Oh no! Instead, the auditions will be held elsewhere. Also, it turns out Bunheads is set in southern California, which is stupid.

Booboo finds a cake in her fridge. Her mom got it for after her audition. It says “Better Luck Next Year.” Mom has no faith in her daughter. Maybe mom also bought a “Congratulations” cake but ate it. Her mom is fat.

NEG is so pissed about losing out on the auditions that she kicks all the kids out of the class. Turns out the auditions will be held in a town 30 miles north. Oh no, now they can never get there because this is 1680 and it would take six days to travel that distance via horse cart. The thing is, the town is named Ohia and NEG hates it and refuses to go. “Everyone is high on mushrooms and wear sandals,” she exclaims. “Ohia’s a pit!” NEG gets more and more awesome the more she is shown to be a curmudgeon.

The reason Joffrey won’t come here is that the dance floor isn’t up to their standards. And NEG doesn’t have the money to fix it. “I invested all my money into Hummel figurines. And then the Hummel market crashed and I was wiped out!” Just have a yard sale.

Crazy Sales Lady informs Michelle that NEG had a promising dance career that she gave up after becoming pregnant. NEG had been performing on stage when she was 4. She could have been the Dakota Fanning of child dancing. Instead, she became the Olsen Twins of adult dancing. This studio is all she has now.

Michelle dances alone. It is an audition. A dream audition.

Michelle wakes up. She looks at a wall full of old photos from NEG’s dancing days. The wall ends with a picture of NEG with her students.

Michelle goes to a hardware place and is told it was cost about $2200 to fix the studio, which Michelle and NEG do not have. What did Michelle’s late husband do for a living and why didn’t he have that kind of money in the bank? Driving to Las Vegas every week to stalk Michelle must have eaten up all his savings. Michelle goes back to NEG and whines that she is can’t convince men to do something for her for free anymore, so feels unattractive. Michelle is pretty fucked then, because she has no skills or ability to survive on her own. Michelle found some listings for contractors in a nearby town called Oxnard. Michelle thinks Oxnard is a stupid name and probably full of stupid people who evacuate their homes and call the fire department in the event of a gas leak. NEG says she also hates Oxnard and spent her whole life trying to avoid it. NEG hates everything.

Back to the girls. By that I mean Booboo and Sasha because the other two aren’t in this episode. Booboo needs new dance shoes, so Sasha steals money from her mom. She gives them to Boo by claiming her parents bought the wrong size. Sasha acts rude to Boo while still being generous. It’s kind of like how if you’ve ever met Santa Claus in person, you’d see that he is pretty standoffish and actually a bit of a dick. There is something about being generous and abrasive that go together in a weird way.

And this marks the episode where fans start shipping Boo and Sasha.

We go back to Michelle and NEG. They are driving back from Oxnard with an old contractor in their back seat. He gets right to doing the floor and will not bill them until later. NEG implies to Michelle that he won’t actually get paid.

The floors are good so Joffrey returns. A whole bunch of kids from all over are here to try to get into the summer program.

While Sasha and Booboo are inside auditioning, Michelle and NEG drink wine outside. I think NEG doesn’t want to be anywhere near anyone from Ohia or Oxnard. Booboo comes to them to say she got cut. NEG is like No Fucking Way and pulls a black wig from a box. She puts it on Booboo’s head and says she is now Trina from Seney Valley. “Trina” goes back and NEG demands more wine from Michelle. Booboo soon returns, having been cut again. NEG sends her back in a red wig as Selma but “Selma” is also cut. Oh well, three times is good.

I am going to paraphrase the conversation Michelle and NEG had:

NEG: No one cuts one of my girls that fast.

Michelle: But they already saw her!

NEG: They did not see her.

Michelle: They saw her, and they cut her.

NEG: They did not see her.

Michelle: *drinks wine*

NEG: You really don’t get it, do you? Boo is not being seen. Look at all the girls that she’s gone in with: Stick insects, with tiny legs and tiny butts. And when Boo comes in, beautiful as she is, all they see is how she doesn’t look like the other girls. So they cut her. But eventually, if she keeps going in — and I don’t care how many times it takes — she will get into a group with someone who has bigger legs, and a bigger butt, and then she will be seen. I wish more black men judged these auditions. Boo would be the next Ginger Rogers by now.

Michelle has another dream about an audition. The producer turns her down with the Boo cake! How did she know what Boo’s cake looked like?

Cultural References:

  • Blue Velvet
  • Samantha Brown
  • Dagwood (from Blondie)
  • David Copperfield
  • Game of Thrones
  • Gary Janetti
  • Mrs. Robinson
  • Nurse Jackie
  • Twitter

Michelle’s Drink Count:

  • Wine