Degrassi: 11.40 & 41 “Smash Into You”

Season 11 Episodes 40 & 41
Airdates: April 13 & 20, 2012

Part 1

A Plot:

The Torres Brothers sing “Summer of ‘69” as Mini-Connor drives them to school. It’s the actual Bryan Adams version, not some cover by a band you’ve never heard of. That must have cost the producers a good chunk of money. But they rounded up the funds because Bryan Adams is a Canadian icon, sadly. They need to play some fucking Neil Young one of these days. I have been reviewing Degrassi for several years now and have been saying every one of those years that Degrassi needs Neil Young music. Neil Young should record the theme song for season 13.

Mini-Connor is texting while driving!!! MY GOD!!! Mini-Connor cheated on Ali over the summer and is sending her text messages to ask her back, but she won’t reply. Then he almost runs over her in the parking lot. Talk about irony!

Degrassi will host a Model UN summit and Ali is heading the preparations. Mini-Connor stumbles into the room and knocks stuff over like a character being introduced in an Aaron Sorkin pilot. Madcap! He wants to be part of Model UN to be close to Ali. “Mini-Connor has ulterior motives,” Ali warns the teacher, like she even knows what the word “ulterior” means.

To impress Ali, Mini-Connor sets up flags and stuff for Model UN alone. Ali is so happy that they make out in his mom’s car. Ali is easy that way. While this is going on, he gets texts from the girl he fooled around with over the summer. When and for how long were Ali and Mini-Connor an item? And how did he find a girl to cheat on her with? Because two girls who like Mini-Connor seems like two more than really would.

Mini-Connor recruits his pal Drew to be his Model UN partner. Mini-Connor and Drew are friends now? I go away for a year and all the friendship circles are scrambled up.

The girl who texted Mini-Connor is named Jacinta. I think her name is Spanish and not one of those made up name black people gives their children. Now that he has Ali back, Mini-Connor blocks Jacinta on Facerange and deletes all her emails. One email contains some racy photos where she shows off part of her bra, kind of (or maybe it’s a camisole; either way it’s enough for a teenage boy to get off). Drew begs him to save those. “At least forward it to me first in case you want it later.”

Mini-Connor takes Ali to a date at the Western themed steakhouse Holly J used to work at. Ali presents him with a List of Demands he must adhere to so Ali can be sure he will not cheat on her again. It has writing on both sides and individual clauses that kick in when each base is reached. Ali explains that since she lost her virginity in the Ravine(!), Drew cheated on her in the boiler room, and then Mini-Connor cheated on her over the summer, she has been hurt time and time again and needs assurances that it will not be repeated. I think Ali should have been a little looser, then boys wouldn’t cheat on her. She broke her hymen in the Ravine, that sets an expectation that she will be, in Drew’s words, “a skank but like a high class skank who gives it a lot but also keeps her downstairs neat and clean.” Ali should be proud to be marked as a Ravine Girl and own it.

As a romantic gesture, Mini-Connor calls over some mandolin players and gives her a rose and they dance. Degrassi kids usually have their dates at the Dot, but the steakhouse is much more romantic.

The next day, students from around the Greater Toronto Area convene for Model UN. Among them is Jacinta! ¡Ay, caramba!

 

B Plot:

Katie is in the hospital for knee surgery. Marinade arrives with balloons and sees Drew there being all nurse-like to his injured love.  “Must be nice to have a boyfriend who loves you so much,” pouts Marinade. Katie and Marinade are going to be the American delegation to Model UN. “USA baby!” Marinade exclaims. Yeah! USA!

 

But Katie will need to be in the hospital during Model UN, so the teacher assigns Moe as Marinade’s new partner. Oh, but she’s a prissy cheerleader and he’s a crude fat guy. How could they ever get along!!! Surly they could never fall in love!!!

The Degrassi students meet the day before the conference to go over the topic, which will be the drought in Somalia. The teacher asks Katie and Moe what their plan is. Moe says that democracy may not a good option for Somalia and a military strongman would be preferable. I don’t know how that relieves the famine, but Moe at least has US government policy down pat. Marinade suggests a Live Aid-style celebrity benefit concert as the solution. Moe accuses Marinade of, “Judging from your high Western horse.” Yeah, I don’t know what Moe is getting at either. The teacher does not ask any other country’s delegation, he just goes back and forth questioning Moe and Marinade. Which is just like how real international politics work: there is a problem somewhere in the world and everyone expects the USA to solve it. No other country bothers to lift a finger. The meeting ends and Moe sticks gum in Marinade’s hair. It’s a metaphor for the tug-of-war between neo-conservatives and progressives.

Drew and Marinade visit Katie before the conference. Drew and Katie think Moe only stuck the gum in Marinade’s hair because he likes her. Yeah, that would make sense if they were in the 4th grade. Drew thinks Marinade should be Moe’s girl. “He’s a great blocker,” Drew insists, not knowing anything about what girls like, and thinks the only reason Marinade doesn’t like Moe is because he is fat. “You need to get over yourself and into the moment,” Drew says. Drew has the best lines on this show.

 

C Plot:

Adam finds a note in his backpack from a secret admirer, but assumes it is a prank and tears it up. He doesn’t feel he is ready for a girlfriend, anyway. “I’m closed until further renovations.” he tells Clare. What Adam means is that he is saving his money to buy one of those 24-inch long robot penises from Japan. The Japanese love robots.

Tori introduces herself to Adam after school and asks if he is single. Adam thinks Tori is his secret admirer. Clare and Adam watch her place a note in his locker. “I think she’s in a relationship with a Zig,” Adam informs Clare, having looked up Tori’s online profile and can’t believe Zig is a kid’s actual name. Adam approaches Tori, who says a friend of hers has a crush on him and wants Adam to go on a double date with her anonymous friend. You know and I know the friend is going to be Tristan, but Adam thinks it will be a girl. Tristan is close enough.

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