Degrassi: 12.13 & 14 “Rusty Cage”

Season 12 Episodes 13 & 14
Airdates: August 6 & 7, 2012

Part 1

A Plot:

Blah blah blah…Cam isn’t doing well in hockey again and the team makes fun of him again and he still doesn’t like his teammates. We’ve done this. On the ice, Cam is knocked down and the other team scores. Cam is still burdened by the pressure of a sport he really doesn’t seem to like.

Later, Cam talks to his mom over Skype. Due to having set every hockey record in his hometown, Cam is a hero there, in a province far, far away from Toronto. Cam is living with a host family as part of some high school hockey exchange progra. Cam complains that he spends all his time either playing hockey or practicing for hockey. Canada makes it’s future NHL stars devote their entire childhoods to hockey. Like China does with those camps where they make little kids play ping pong all day every day. Canada has a lot of pride in its hockey program because they have never put a man on the Moon.

Cam’s mom reminds him to stay away from ice cream due to his dairy problem. I’ll assume he has an ice cream addiction rather than is lactose intolerant.

Cam arrives to hockey practice but can’t bring himself to go into the locker room, where his teammates are talking about him in the same manner as a bunch of teen girls who are jealous of more attractive girl. The hockey team are a catty bunch of bitches. Cam doesn’t want to practice, so he drinks an entire cartoon of milk on the spot! Oh man! Good thing his mom told us he has a milk problem or else we would just think he’s a boy who really likes milk.

Cam enters the locker room and the milk causes him to throw up. The boys, being boys, cheer. Dallas tells him to go home and rest.


Cam ditched practice to meet Maya and pals at Little Miss Steaks. He is feeling better. Maya gets him to do karaoke with her. They sing “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” by the Darkness.


That song is not even a duet, but Maya sings the falsetto parts, which is half the song. Now I am officially happy that I decided to watch some of the summer episodes. In fact, this is the best moment of Degrassi in the last five years by far. I am not joking. I seriously do love this. My only complaint is that the song is about 3 and half minutes long but we got not even a full minute of Maya and Cam’s rendition. I hope there exists an extended scene of the whole performance. Come on producers, put that in the DVD.

This reminded me of my favorite moment on Community. It was from the third season episode “Studies in Modern Movement.” Jeff was blackmailed into doing karaoke with the Dean. They sang “Kiss from a Rose” by Seal, which was spliced with music from the other characters: Shirley and Britta in a car with a crazy guitar playing hitchhiker; Troy & Abed’s shadow puppet show for Annie; and Pierce’s hallucination where he plays the piano accompanied by Hawaiian dancers. It made a beautiful melody. Karaoke on TV kicks ass.

This also made me think about The Darkness for the first time in five years. I blame all of us, collectively as a society, for getting bored with them at the same time. Who knew dressing as an ‘80s band ironically wasn’t going to have a lot of staying power?

Anyway, the karaoke was posted online, so the hockey team found out. As punishment, Dallas and Becky’s brother make Cam skate laps or whatever they call it in hockey. “Like it or not we’re all you have,” Dallas tells Cam, making the hockey team sound like some kind of cult. Next they are going to be selling jam on street corners.


B Plot:

KC’s dad just got out of the slammer. They have dinner at the mall, which would only be a fun place to eat if you just spent ten years in prison. KC’s dad wants them to start over. I say he should start by getting his son something better than Mug root bear. Maybe Mug has a different flavor up north, because it sucks shit down here. Mug is the Bud Light of root beers. And you know this isn’t a paid product placement by Mug, because the label isn’t directly facing the camera, so what gives? By the way, it turns out I have complained about Mug appearing in Degrassi twice before, both in the second season. Now I wonder if that is the same can they used ten years back. Oh, the stories that prop could tell.

Anyway, Papa Guthrie wants his son’s help to put together a resume. That’ll have an interesting gap to explain. Uh…2006 to 2012 I was at Her Majesty’s Royal Detention Centre in Saskatoon. I was an …um…Inmate Living Specialist where I…interacted with the inmates on a daily basis. KC’s dad would like to work in a restaurant, as he was a cook in prison. Before that, he worked at a pizza place that was shutdown because someone was selling crack. “I wonder who that could be?” he says coyly while placing his hand flatly over his grin.

In other news, KC intends to go to the University of British Columbia next year, all the way on the other side of Canada. KC’s dad says this will mean KC will be leaving them just as their family is reunited. And KC only got his ex-drug addicted mom back last year. Before that, he was living in a group home. All things considered, KC is remarkably well adjusted for as fucked up a life as he had. I’m surprised KC’s parents didn’t sell him into white slavery when he was 8 to pay for their habit.

Time for quiz team practice where—jazaam Bianca! How can a male concentrate in this school?

KC’s dad got a job as a dishwasher at a restaurant, possibly Little Miss Steaks since that and the mall are the only places anyone goes to eat anymore (The Dot is, like, a coffee shop now). The adults celebrate the good news with wine. KC is concerned that his mom is drinking after she promised him  never to do so ever again.


C Plot:

Fiona proclaims today Fiona Coyne Day. It’s not her birthday, she just wants Imogen to give her a foot massage followed by lady sex followed by lasagna dinner (each thing is followed by something precisely 1000x more awesome). Fiona wants to come over to Imogen’s house, but Imogen says she can’t, as her dad, Professor Moreno, is hard at work. It makes perfect sense that Imogen’s dad is a professor; only a father like that would have allowed Imogen to be the way she is. I’m surprised Imogen’s last name isn’t a hyphenated combination of both parents’ last names.

So Fiona and Imogen have a night at the castle. Fiona looks for something on TV, which leads to playful flirting. Fiona complains that she only gets basic cable due to being cut off from her fortune. Imogen hopes there will be “something monkey related” on.

Fiona: You’re monkey related.

Imogen: You take that back.

Then they have a tickle fight and kiss. This is actually not as awesome as Darkness karaoke.

Drew enters and makes the “wah chika wah wah” sound, which is appropriate, as this moment could not get any closer to the setup for a porno. Fiona tells Drew that he is a lousy roommate because he is a messy boy. Fiona says this right after she spilled a big bowl of popcorn. She blames Drew for the spill. Drew says that Fiona is plenty messy herself and there a bunch of wine stains on the carpet that were there before he moved in. Fiona tells Drew that maybe they should not be roommates, but Drew is like, “Whatever” and doesn’t take her seriously because he knows she needs his help to pay for the castle upkeep.

The truth is Fiona is mad that Drew walked in on sexy lady times. They should make some space for Drew somewhere, then. Give him the east wing. I wonder why out of all the space in this palatial estate, everyone only ever spends time in the living room/kitchen area. Maybe the rest of the castle is haunted.

The next day, Fiona enters the castle to see that Drew has cleaned up. Actually, he only did half, which makes Drew awesome. Fiona will have to clean the other half. Fiona finds this outrageous. Fiona is a spoiled brat.

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