Degrassi: 12.21 & 22 “Building A Mystery”

Season 12 Episodes 21 & 22
Airdates: October 12 & 19, 2012

This is my first recap of Degrassi’s twelfth season. It’s hard to believe, and also a shame, that Degrassi has been on television this long. It’s also astonishing to think that most of the current cast wasn’t even born when Degrassi premiered in 2001!

Part 1

Here we go. Some redhead bounces out of the school bus and smacks into Eli and then Bianca. She is Jenna’s friend, which does not surprise me. She informs Jenna that she convinced an airline to donate seven plane tickets to Las Vegas for a student council fundraiser. That’s an excellent prize for a minor. Then the redhead smacks into Adam because this girl is a fucking ditz. I just set a new record for how quickly I went from meeting a character to hating them.

It is revealed that this redhead likes Adam and has ever since the musical, which must have happened in an episode I didn’t see (I am staying away from those atrocious summer episodes). She knows he is transgender and is fine with it, but doesn’t think Adam will ask her out after she was weird to him at the musical. Since she never said the name of the musical, I will assume it was the Degrassi rendition of Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark. Jenna tells redhead to ask him out. The redhead then smacks into a tree.

Now we go to the opening credits, which are fucking nuts now. It starts with two kids doing a kickass backflip on the school steps. They aren’t even in the cast!

There is sword fighting and running in hallway and a gang of boys who look like they are the Canadian Reservoir Dogs.

It sucks when the credits end because we go right to Eli, who is soaking in his panties because a director who graduated NYU is going to speak to his class. Eli wants to get into this guy’s good graces so he will write Eli a reference letter for the university.

Now, I don’t want to come off like a racist (though I suppose that horse left the barn years ago) but the girl doing the morning announcements looks just like Hazel but with bangs. Maybe she is Hazel.

Fiona pesters Bianca about her engagement to Drew. What the fruck! When did this happen? When did Fiona and Bianca become friends? They are also really tan. Bianca wears her engagement ring on a necklace kept under her top to hide it from Katie, who was Drew’s previous girlfriend. But Katie has jet black hair now, so maybe Katie is hiding from somebody, too.

And Drew’s mom doesn’t know about the engagement. I thought Bianca was on good terms with Drew’s mom. Why do the summer episodes always screw everything up?

Also, when the hell is Fiona going to graduate already? She’s doing a Spinner and is just not ever going to leave.

The redhead (whose name I learn is Becky) talks to Adam again but can’t get up the nerve to ask him out. She says something about how the musical opened her mind (probably about how hard it would be for a teenager to suddenly become a superhero). Adam appears to be in a band with Moe and Zig, because the writers wanted to put Adam together with the two most random main characters possible. Their name is WhisperHug, which is a much better name than My Morning Jacket. Zig has clearly hit puberty and I hate when these kids reach sophomore year and no longer look like children. KC was super adorably cute as a freshman. He was girl pretty.

Anyway, Becky gets the band to agree to play at the student council fundraiser.

By the way, what happened to the school uniforms? It was nice because it was color-colored based on grade, so you could tell how old everyone was and keep track of how many seasons they all remained in the same grade. Maybe that’s why the producers they got rid of them. Now Degrassi can exist in a fluid timeline where it does not matter what year it is. The students will no longer be in a specific grade and there will never be a graduation ceremony; they will just attend classes year after year ad. Infinitum like in a cartoon. Occasionally, they will talk about going off to college, but never say when that will be; it will just be some vague point somewhere in the future. Degrassi viewers have been conditioned by the wonky timeline of previous seasons that we will never question it.

Anyway, Eli has his film class. The teacher has a British accent, but I bet he’s faking it. The director speaks to the class and you know this guy is a rebel because he sits ONTOP of the desk! And also dresses like his only experience with Hollywood is watching Entourage. Eli wants to get his attention, so asks a bunch of questions about his directing technique. The director gets Eli to stop by saying, “None of this tech stuff matters unless you have a good story.” A line which was ironically written by a Degrassi writer.

There is a student council meeting, or something. Fiona chairs it and there are, like, twenty students in the room when last year it was just Katie and Maryland running the show. Adam joins in and sits next to Becky, who is excited to have him onboard. Becky also tells them about getting those plane tickets to Vegas. The students are excited because there is so much in Vegas that none of them could take part in. Maybe they mean another town. Maybe it’s seven tickets to Vagus, Manitoba. That place has a wicked water slide and the only Buffalo Wild Wings in Canada.

Bianca wrote an essay to get scholarship money and Drew’s mom says it is beautiful. Bianca can’t bring herself to tell her about the engagement because Drew’s mom does not like that Drew dropped out of school and bought a motorcycle. Drew is going through a mid-life crisis.

A bad song plays while Adam and Becky have fun at the mall. There are on the donations committee for student council and are supposed to be soliciting local businesses, but they are teenagers so would much prefer to dick around. While Adam goes to the drugstore to get some bropons and manly pads, Becky’s brother asks what she thinks she is doing with Adam. Becky’s parents are very conservative and would not approve of a transgenderite. “Mom and dad want you to be with someone who has a penis,” Becky’s brother reminds her. “A big, thick penis. Ten inches—minimum. Those were dad’s exact words.”

Every student in Eli’s film class will need to produce a two-minute short film under the supervision of that director guy. Eli wants to get that letter of reference, but remembers the director’s advice about story and can’t think of anything that will impress him. Clare says maybe Jake can help him. Then Jake pops out from behind a divider. I guess he was waiting for Clare to give him an opening to talk to Eli. Eli really liked Jake’s short film and asks how he did it. Jake will tell Eli but he can’t tell anyone. “It’s got to stay our little secret,” says Jake, like the two of them spooned during a sleepover.

Becky tells Jenna that her parents will not like Adam, so Jenna says not to tell them. “I kept my pregnancy a secret for 16 months,” Jenna boasts. Another bad song plays as Becky meets Adam in the hallway. She says she likes him and Adam says the same. Becky says her parents would not approve of him, so asks Adam to be her secret boyfriend. Adam is willing. Ask me, Adam should meet her parents, but not before he made a goatee out of felt and bought a cucumber. The new couple kiss. Technical girl-on-girl!

Jake takes Eli to the parking lot to show the short little lad his secret, but emphasizes that he cannot tell Clare. “But we share everything,” emos Eli. Jake’s secret to making movies is to smoke a joint of marijuana, which Jake keeps on the school grounds like a motherfucking boss.

Bianca and Drew hold hands as they walk to the Dot. Drew, being Drew, says something awesome.

“You really think the Dot’s a big enough place for a wedding?”

A wedding in the Dot would be so Degrassi. Drew sees that his mom is waiting inside. Bianca set up this meeting because it is time to tell her. I guess Drew hasn’t seen his mother in a while.

Over at her home, Becky decorates a sheet of paper with “A+B”. Her dad asks who A is. He started watching Pretty Little Liars and wants his daughter to get him up to speed. Actually, Becky’s dad can see she has a boyfriend and wonders what is the reason Becky hasn’t told her parents about him. Hey, Becky, maybe if you plan on having a secret boyfriend you should keep him secret and not be sitting in your kitchen making a love note with stickers and glitter like a 5th grader. Becky’s dad says her parents will have to meet this boy and want him to come to dinner—tonight! “And I want to measure his penis,” says Becky’s dad. Oh no! Becky is in trouble now!

In the Dot, Bianca and Drew tell his mom they have something she needs to know. Mama Torres immediately thinks that Bianca is pregnant, but they assure her that she is not it. “Thank goodness,” says Drew’s mom. “You have such a great body and it will go to shit as soon as you have a kid.” The couple informs her they are getting married in the summer. Mama Torres is appalled that they are going to get hitched this young and also Drew is a drop out. Drew says he is going to get his GED. He should just go back to high school. He dropped out in one of the summer episodes, I assume, and in the timeline of Degrassi, those eps were only a week ago. He wouldn’t have missed more than a month of classes. He has been out of school as long as someone who came down with a really bad flu. And why did Drew drop out? He was a senior, which in Degrassi means he only has four years to go until graduation. Anyway, Drew can’t stand to be around his mom and her perfectly logically skepticism, so leaves.

Eli and Jake are at one of their homes and very high. Eli is on his laptop writing up an awesome script about “love and life” and how much he loves Doritos in his life. He also totally did the Canadian thing when he pronounced “out” like “oot” which is the first non-lame thing Eli has ever done. Eli is great on weed. Eli is someone who would only be less of a paranoid head case if he was high all the time.

Adam has dinner with Becky’s family. Her parents are very religious so she makes sure to mention that Adam is Catholic and his family goes to church every Sunday. That must be a fun for Adam. I’d love to get up early on a Sunday morning, put on a reasonably clean pair of jeans (Catholics aren’t big on dressing up I’ve observed), to sit on a wooden bench for hours and be told how awful I am for existing. I would advise Adam’s family that if like the customs of Roman Catholicism but not the anti-LGBT stuff, they should become Episcopalians or join whatever the mainline Lutheran church is in Canada (there are two main Lutheran bodies in the US, and any church with Missouri in its name will be totally nutball). But I’ve noticed that people who have been raised Catholic are almost incapable of actually walking away from the church, no matter how much they disagree with the Vatican or don’t actually believe in God.

Becky’s dad asks Adam if he plays sports, and Adam replies no, but is thinking of trying out for a team. Becky’s brother pipes in by asking if it will be a guys team. Adam retorts that Becky’s brother plays girls field hockey. Adam is able to deflect anything that could out him as trans by thinking quickly and turning it around to guy-on-guy riffing. He has achieved Level 7 Bro-dawg.

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