Degrassi: 12.23 & 24 “Doll Parts”

Seasons 12 Episodes 23 & 24
Airdates: October 26 & November 2, 2012

Part 1

A Plot:

Maya is playing guitar on the bed of some boy. I don’t know who this kid is, but he is not paying attention to her because he is studying for math. “This song is about you,” Maya says, but he does not care. He should reply, “This song cannot be about me because it’s not ‘Livin’ On A Prayer’ by Bon Jovi.”

Maya wants to make out, but the boy would rather study for his big test.  “We’ve been dating for, like, month,” complains Maya, “and we’ve only kissed, like, six times.” Is that not a lot? I need to get out more. To keep her happy, the boy gives her a quick peck to make it seven and goes back to his math.

To get his attention, Maya takes her shirt off. But her boy (the web says his name is Cam) still doesn’t look up from his math book. Maya should write a math equation on her chest then. Cam finally looks it up and is like, “What are you doing? Where’s your shirt?” So Maya grabs her top and is going to leave when she falls off the bed. This is like a wacky teen comedy with worse acting.

The next day at Degrassi, Tori walks the hallway dressed like a beauty queen. But not from the neck down, she is wearing normal clothes. But her hair is up and she has a lot of makeup. Tori competes in beauty pageants. “What decade are we living in?” Maya says to Zig, disapproving of pageants. “The teens?” replies Zig. “…or  the tens? I don’t know. What did we call the last decade? No one ever figured that out either.”

Zig whistles as Tori approaches them. Tori will compete in the Miss Millennial Canada Pageant. Hey, I’m a Millennial. I just need to be a Canadian and I could totally be up there! I would rock the shit out of Miss Millennial Canada. The only problem is my sole talent is snarking on TV shows. I don’t know how to show that off. Maybe when I’m on stage I could just insult people in the audience or something. Yeah, yeah, that’s the ticket!

Maya tells Tori about not being able to get Cam turned on more than math. Tori is disappointed that Maya was wearing a sports bra and not something racier. Tori proposes she decorate Maya up like a beauty queen to get her boy’s attention. Maya says Cam is not superficial like that.  “All guys are superficial like that,” Tori says. It’s great that Tori is 14 and already well-versed in how to manipulate men. She doesn’t have the makings of a super villain six years from now or anything.

Maya plays a song for Moe she wrote for their band. Moe is the keyboard player, so that makes him in charge. He likes her song but wants Imogen to sing it instead of her because it is a “sexy song” and Moe thinks Maya looks like she is 10. “10?” relies Maya.  “OK,12,” compromises Moe. That’s only a two year bump but puts her into the very beginnings of puberty. I call that a victory!

In the bathroom, using lots of makeup and hairspray, Tori and Tristan have dolled Maya up like a pageant queen. It’s like the makeover scene in Pretty Woman but in reverse.

Maya shows her new look off Cam. “This is great,” Cam says. “Nothing turns me on like Toddlers & Tiaras.” No, no, actually Cam is confused. It’s hard for him to tell whether Maya is attractive or not. Technically, the pageant look hits all of the marks of what should make a female attractive: makeup, processed hair, jewelry, but somehow the sum doesn’t equal it’s parts. Maya is upset that Cam still thinks she is less hot than a math book.

Maya runs into an empty classroom and cries while she tears the pageant stuff off. Zig enters and asks if she is OK. He sees the mascara running down her eyes and probably thinks her eyes are bleeding. Maya said she thought Cam would like this look since Zig likes it on Tori. Zig says the thing he likes about Tori and pageants is the way “she acts like she owns the room” when she competes. Zig likes a powerful woman with her cleavage tapped together. At Tori’s instance, Maya is going to enter the Miss Millennial pageant. Maya is nervous about having to wear a dress and heals and perform a talent. The clothes I understand, but I think Maya is forgetting that she is a cello prodigy.

Time for the pageant. Tori and Maya and several other teen girls are in prom gowns waiting backstage. Tori tells Maya that she should just have fun because she will feel awesome when she is on the runway, and only ten girls will make it to the next round and Maya most likely won’t be one of them.

Former prime minister Ben Maloney is the host. Seriously, Degrassi got the Ben Maloney!

Maya goes on right after Tori Maya, but as she is making her way down the catwalk, falls down.

Later, as the ten finalists are being announced, Maya and Zig flirt backstage. Tori is the first finalist announced. Maya is surprised when she is announced as the 10th! It must be because she is so clumsy and awkward that the judges assumed she obviously had to be government agent going undercover to catch a criminal who made a threat against the pageant.

Backstage, Maya has to watch Tori and Zig kiss. “I want a guy like Zig,” Maya tells Tori. “Someone who doesn’t care about doing well in school. He treats you like a queen.” At Tori’s insistence, Maya phones Cam to break up. Now Maya will be free to take Zig from Tori. We all know where the next episode is going.


B Plot

MercyMe’s parents are letting her take three friends to Puerto Vallarta for spring break. She is bringing Moe along, who is her boyfriend, more or less, and Jake and Katie, who are a couple now. I like how MarcyMe bitched out Fiona for being rich, and her parents are paying for a trip to a resort town in Mexico. Maybe Puerto Vallarta is a lot cheaper than it used to be because the drug cartels took it over.

Anyway, her mother wants all the kids to get traveler’s insurance, so they have to fill out health forms. Moe doesn’t want to fill out the form, so MercyMe says she can complete it for him, but Moe leaves. MercyMe finds this odd. Moe probably doesn’t want to see his weight in print.

In a class, MercyMe whips a paper ball at Katie to get her attention. “It’s paper princess,” she says after Katie went “ouch.” What is with MercyMe today? Mercy wants Katie’s opinion on why Moe was acting weird about the health form. Katie tells her friend she is acting irrational. Katie doesn’t want to help MercyMe after getting hit with that paper ball.

MercyMe and Moe are seated at an outdoor table at a restaurant. MercyMe tells him she cheated on math test and then wants him to tell her something about him she doesn’t know. Moe hems and haws and nervously sweats and then leaves to go pee. He has fluids coming out everywhere.

While Moe is the bathroom, MercyMe goes through his purse, looking for something that will explain his big secret. She finds a needle. Moe is a diabetic. At least that is what a normal person would assume. MercyMe takes off because she thinks Moe is a drug addict. “It’s the only explanation,” MercyMe tells Katie as she shows her the needle. Way to swipe Moe’s insulin. He needs that to live.

I can’t believe MercyMe of all people doesn’t know how what diabetes looks like. Black Canadians must be way different than black Americans health-wise, because about half the black people in the US have diabetes.


C Plot:

At home, Adam is lifting weights with Dallas. Adam wants to tryoot for the men’s volleyball team, which is appropriate because volleyball is about as manly as Adam.

“How many eggs and chicken can two guys eat?” Adam’s mom says when she looks in the fridge. “It depends on what came first,” says Dallas but his joke falls flat. That usually got a few laughs at his old home. Dallas will need to adjust his material to this new environment. His “white people do this/black people do that” jokes don’t go over well in Canada because they don’t have enough black people to develop stereotypes about. He found when he changed it to English Canadians/French Canadians, everyone laughs.

Despite doing a lot to bulk up, Adam won’t be able to build much muscles unless he starts taking testosterone. He would need his mother’s permission to start that, but his mom doesn’t want him to. She also thinks going for a boy’s sport will be dangerous “I already have one son with brain damage,” Mr. Torres states.  Did something happen in a episode I haven’t see or did she just call Drew dumb?

Adam goes up for volleyball tryouts. Connor is here too! I miss that dumb giant. I feel like Dallas is replacing him as the main black guy on the show and I don’t like it. Coach Armstrong likes Adam’s skills. Like all the other boys, Adam will have to get his mom to sign a permission slip before he can join the team.

Adam finds his mom sobbing. She is sad that Drew dropped out and is getting married. One son is trans, the other is a dropout; Mrs. Torres feels like can’t do anything right and is a bad mom. It’s like how Paige’s parents must have felt when both their kids came out as gay. Mrs. Torres feels like she can’t keep her children safe. Adam decides he can’t show her the permission slip.

Dallas doesn’t understand what the big deal is, telling Adam, “Volleyball is not even a real sport.” He read my mind! Also, Dallas says to forge his mother’s signature. Dallas is doing a good job as Adam’s semi-adopted older brother.

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