Season 12 Episodes 27 & 28
Airdates: US – Nov 20, 2012; Canada – Nov 23
Our Episode Title: “Adam Finds Himself in Quite the Pickle”
This is the second of five season finales we will have in season 12. I don’t get it either.
We are at the mall, where Eli’s dad is announcing which high school bands are going to compete in the Battle of the Bands that he is probably hosting in his backyard. Adam, Imogen and the other members of WhisperHug are here, hoping they are selected. There is a girl looking at Adam. Adam is apprehensive about talking to her due to just having dealt with Becky and her crazy ass, so Imogen goes and gets the girl’s number for him. Her name is Missy.
At the school study hall, Becky wants to sit next to Adam but he denies her with his backpack. Mini-Connor asks what is up. “I just really hate Becky Baker,” says Adam. We all do! Adam shows Mini-Connor Missy’s number but is afraid to call her. So Mini takes the initiate but gets her voicemail. Adam leaves a message. I guess Mini-Connor and Adam became friends at some point?
Later, the boys are studying at Adam’s. M-C quizzes Adam on the Burning of Washington. Adam replies it was a battle in the War of 1812 in which Canadians burnt down Washington DC. Way to troll on the American viewers, Degrassi writers. I’ll take the bait, though. Canadians are taking credit for burning down Washington? Canada didn’t even exist in 1812. I guess any British person who happened to be in the Western Hemisphere at the time gets counted as a Canadian. It’s the kind of thing Canadians have to tell themselves because they never put a man on the Moon.
This is when Missy calls Adam and they arrange a date for tomorrow. Right then, Becky sends Adam an email, like she’s stalking him or something. Mini-Connor says to delete it and not even read it. Adam laments that things would have worked with Becky if he weren’t transgender, so maybe he should not tell Missy. Adam says he wants to know what would be like to be a regular guy, like Drew or Mini-Connor. Mini-Connor tells Adam that to experience his life, Adam would have to masturbate a lot.
Over at the castle, Drew helps Adam get ready for his date. He gives his little brother a sweet leather jacket. Adam says he is not going to tell Missy he is trans. Drew wonders if that is wise and asks what Adam intends to do if Missy gets grabby. Adam replies that will not happen because this is a first date. Drew, being Drew says, this:
“It’s happened to me on first dates…Once. And it wasn’t even a date.”
And the viewers’ imaginations run wild…
What happens next is pure Degrassi. Drew hands Adam a cucumber. Yes, this is going to happen. I know. Neither boy appears to have seen This is Spinal Tap because they do not start referencing the metal detector scene like normal people would. Fucking kids these days.
Anyway, Adam is going to do it. He’s gonna’ stick that cucumber down his pants. Let’s hope he doesn’t leave it in there too long lest it turn into a pickle.
This is why we watch Degrassi. No other show would go there…nor should they.
And I love Drew for suggesting this. Drew is the best. He is almost the post season 10 Spinner. Almost. I mean his last name is Torres, which suggests Hispanic ancestry, so that knocks him down a few posts. Or maybe he spells it Taurus because he loves that car so much. “Hey there pretty lady, the name’s Taurus. Drew Taurus. You know my ride. Gets 29 MPG highway, which means I can take you to the stars.”
In a park, Adam mimics a douchey guy in order to learn how to sit like a man, you know, legs spread oot to air oot the boys. I suppose that would be good for Adam too, let air circulate through his cooch. Like opening a window on a summer’s day.
Missy meets him. Missy’s band is also in the Battle of the Bands and she tells Adam that a major celebrity guest judge will be there: Chaz Bono. Oh come now, not even a Canadian would think Chaz is “a major celebrity”. When are they going to get The Kids in the Hall on this show?
Missy has Adam accompany her to a hippie clothing store. Adam waits ootside the dressing room. Missy asks him to help zip up her dress. Adam does and then they make oot. Missy moves her hand down the ootside of his pants—and his cucumber falls oot! Missy is surprised. Adam should play it cool and be all, “Yeah I like to have a healthy snack on me.”
Instead, Adam runs away in embarrassment. Missy chases him down the street. At first, she thinks Adam must be embarrassed about having a tiny penis. She asks if he has a “stack of dimes.” Hah! JT reference! Adam admits he is transgender. Missy is cool with it because she comes from a hippie family. Missy says she has to go back and pay for the dress. She chased after Adam wearing it, and I was going to make a joke about her stealing it, but the producers remembered. Man, I got to hand it to whoever is in charge now; if this was season 1 through 11, they would have totally overlooked that detail. Missy says they will go to dinner when she gets back and says, “hold the pickles.” I take that as evidence that the cucumber did turn into one.
Adam goes to the hot dog stand and there is Becky! Adam tells Becky to sod off, Missy is his girl now.
Tori interrupts Maya and Cam’s romantic French studying to say that she is losing Zig. Cam, being the sensitive one, says she didn’t say that in French. Tori doesn’t know what is wrong because she doesn’t know about Zig telling Maya he liked her and their kiss in “Doll Parts”. “He’s acting weird,” says Tori, like she can possibly tell when it comes to Zig. So Maya finds Zig and tells him not to be weird. That’s as futile as telling a puppy not to be hyper.
After school, Tori and Cam are hanging in Maya’s living room. Zig arrives. He brought a trash bag containing two bags of potato chips. Way to not be weird. I think Zig is poor or something and must have been dumpster diving before he came over. Maya speaks with him privately in the kitchen where Zig informs her that he is going to break up with Tori after the Battle of the Bands. Maya points oot that she is not going to break up with Cam, but Zig says he is sick of being around Tori.
Clare and Eli are in her bedroom. Exactly at 8pm, Clare’s mom says it is time for Eli to leave. But Jake still gets to have Katie over because his dad sets different rules for Jake. Clare thinks this is unfair, but her mom is only doing this to protect her. She blames Darcy running away to Africa and never coming back on her boy problems. There is a KONY 2012 video where you can see Darcy holding an AK-47 in a militia made up of African children.
Clare needs to butter up Jake. She does this by making him a turkey and Swiss sandwich, his second favorite. Jake loves that sandwich. Goddamn it, the joy is clear on his face. Clare points oot that he has different rules than her, which Jake has never noticed before. Clare’s plan is to have her mom think that Eli is hanging with Jake so he can stay over past 8. “You have to pretend to date Eli,” says Clare. Jake will do it if she keeps the turkey and Swiss coming.
So Eli hangs oot with Jake and Clare and they are pretending to do homework until her mom leaves and Eli and Clare can make out and Jake can watch. They hear her coming down the stairs and Clare says:
“She’s coming! Quick! Do math!”
I’ll paraphrase what happens:
Clare’s Mom: Clare, let’s spend some mother-daughter time at the craft store.
Clare: I should study.
Clare’s Mom: Screw studying. You’re grades are good enough.
Eli: I’d like to come to the craft store with you guys.
Clare’s Mom: No, Eli, you have to study for real—with Jake, who you came to see. Let’s go Clare.
This is Degrassi acting like a sitcom.
Clare returns to see Jake and Eli having fun together. Jake is roller-skating in the kitchen. Eli sprays the living room with air freshener. They are giggly. Clare realizes that they have been smoking weed. She tells Eli to hide in her room and hides the Ziploc bag with the drugs behind her back as her mom enters. Clare’s mom tells Jake to stop skating in the house, which he apparently does a lot. This tells us how often Jake gets high.
Eli immediately went to sleep in Clare’s bed. Clare wakes him up and tells him to sneak oot. She wants him to jump oot her window, but even Eli isn’t high enough to do that. Clare’s mom catches him with his shirt off. Eli leaves.
Then Clare’s mom sees the weed and, thinking it is Eli’s, bans Eli from the house. Clare says it’s not Eli’s and her mom asks, “If it’s not Eli’s then whose is it?” Right then, Jake skates slowly across her doorway. Now, if this were a normal show, Clare would be unable to rat out Jake. But this is Degrassi, so she does. Clare’s mom is mad and tells Jake to take his skates off. This tells us that Jake just lost his buzz.
Pages: 1 2