Season 13 Episode 4
Airdate: July 25, 2013
Clare is in the MRI machine, bald and scared. This is a great visual. Degrassi has a good director. All they need now are competent writers, actors and producers and they could be a real TV series someday.
Clare’s isn’t going to get the results of her MRI for some time. Thanks to stupid socialized health care, it will be 12 years until she gets her test back. Also, Clare’s friend from group therapy died. You know, the girl with the bright red wig who looks like Hit Girl but with cancer. I think she faked her death to avoid the guy Jim Carrey plays in Kick Ass 2. I haven’t seen the movie, but based on the commercial, I assume Carrey plays a villain and also talks in a weird voice. Clare is worried because they had the same cancer.
Drew pays a visit to Clare as part of his official class president duties. He brought a puppy. “You brought a dog to a hospital?” Clare yells. What’s the big deal? It’s like not like puppies transmit cancer, only happy feelings. The dog pees on the floor and Clare tells Drew to clean it up. Drew says that urine is sterile. You still have to clean it up. That’s not an excuse to pee anywhere, Drew. I hope that’s not what you’ve been doing.
Clare is worried because, according to Wikipedia, if the cancer has spread to her brain, chemotherapy will not be able to treat it. If she only has a little time, left she wants escape hospital and live it up. To pull off this Ferris Bueller, she uses Drew. Where is Eli?
They leave the hospital and go to Degrassi Day Camp. Clare enjoys playing with the kids but gets sick and throws up. Then a little boy coughs in her face. “An infection could kill me!” Clare cries. Oh, that that kid is going to feel bad. “What if I caught something?” she asks Drew. “It would probably be bad,” Drew replies, not seeming to be too concerned.
Clare is back at the hospital. Eli appears and is all worried because he has been looking all over for her and the hospital was going to call the Mounties. Clare’s mom is also here when the nurse arrives with the MRI results. Clare’s cancer has not grown. This is good news. With a big ass smile, she proclaims:
“I am going to fight this. I am going to win!”
Alli sits in the café that the boy she met in the previous episode, Pepe, works. Alli is pissed he won’t talk to her while Jenna meets her with a skull she stole from the Catacombs. It was a trip for French club, but Alli did not go, because she has been obsessing over Pepe. Jenna tells her to ask him out, so Alli does and they schedule a date. Alli needed Jenna to tell her to do that.
By the way, here in my notes I wrote “Black nigga in Paris but it’s not offensive. Drinks wine all the time.” I forget the joke I was going to make with that, but now you have a look into my writing process.
Meanwhile, Tristan thinks Miles will be his boyfriend, based on that hug. Zoe has her eye on Miles as well, so they will compete for the boy…until they learn his sexuality. Miles and Tristan partner up for a project and this is when Miles tells Tristan he took ballet, but his dad made him quit. Miles says he dad just doesn’t understand him and thanks Tristan for listening to him. This is when Tristan kisses Miles. Miles wasn’t into it, so Tristan apologizes, but Miles says it was no big deal and they continue their day together.
In class, Alli gives a presentation on the Mona Lisa. Le Madame gives her a C because it is clear Alli did not go to the Louvre. Alli is upset, but the teacher gave her a passing grade despite the fact that she didn’t actually do the work.
To get a better grade, Alli will have to write a report on the Louvre and visit the actual museum tonight. But Alli has a date with Pepe! Alli Jenna points out that Pepe could take her to the Louvre, but Alli thinks that will be a terrible date and mopes, “What more romantic than a museum?” Not much, actually, when it’s the museum in Paris that houses the most famous panting of all time. It also has The Last Supper, which is the second most famous painting of all time. And the third most famous, the one where Napoleon is peeing into a guy’s mouth. Alli is a retard.
Tristan tells Maya about the kiss and wants to ask Miles on a real date. This is when they find Miles, with Zoe on his lap. Oh yeah, she is going to ride that dick for Miles and Miles! Or maybe Miles is gay and Zoe just really, really wants to be his fag hag. We already saw in the season premiere that Zoe is pretty aggressive about being friends with the gays.
Over to Alli and Pepe, who are having a date at a bride or something. This story gets really dumb. Like, Alli wants to visit the Louvre, but won’t tell Pepe that’s what she wants, so Pepe assumes Alli is bored with this date and him and leaves. Alli should just be honest. When you’re dating someone who is visiting your city, it’s kind of expected that you’ll take them to tourist places. When someone visits me, I take them to all the sights: the house where the old bishop lived, and the Indian casino.
Alli has to find Pepe and apologize. By the way, Alli mentions that she turned down the opportunity to go to MIT. What the Goddamn fuck? Alli is her own worst enemy.