Degrassi: 13.06 “Cannonball”

Season 13 Episode 6
Airdate: August 8, 2013

In Paris:

1

In their dorm, Miles and Chewy are playing Naked Robber, Gene Roddenberry’s favorite party game. No for real, they are. Watch the scene again. Maya breaks up the fun when she enters looking for Tristan, who is surprisingly not playing. Tristan is missing somewhere in Paris. Maya recruits Chewy to help search. Chewy recommends bringing Miles along, but Maya says, “The last thing I need right now is a guy like him” right in front of Miles. Burn! Maya is being overly dramatic, but that’s exactly how teenagers are. Remember, Miles broke Tristan’s heart by being straight, and it’s Miles’s fault Tristan wildly misinterpreted Miles just trying to be friendly.

Maya and Chewy can’t find Tristan. Of course the locals are no help. Chewy says Tristan could be anywhere, even on a train to Belgium. I bet Tristan is off reenacting the 1956 short film The Red Balloon. That sounds like a gay thing to do, right?

2

Chewy convinces Maya to ask Miles for help, calling it a “necessary evil”. They go to Miles, who is back in the dorm, macking with Zoe.

Why do they need Miles so badly? What would Miles know about Tristan’s whereabouts that Maya would not? Is Miles holding Tristan captive? Whatever the reason, Maya and Miles head out, leaving Chewy and Zoe in the dorm, and I think Chewy expects them to make out. Zoe does not.

Miles takes Maya to get bread first. Maya doesn’t understand the purpose of this side quest and it’s getting dark. “Tristan is out there in the rain somewhere,” Maya cries. Come on, Maya, he’s not a lost puppy. Even Tristan is smart enough to find shelter when it rains. He’s not Alli. This is when Miles shows Maya that Tristan is sitting on a park bench, starring off into the distance and being all emo. Oh. Miles really was somehow necessary to finding Tristan. Maya and Tristan have a heart-to-heart and agree to never let a boy come between them again.

Later, they put Miles in a little fake stockade for a class project. They consider this a just revenge.

4

Also, Jenna broke up with Connor because she is mad he thinks sex would be gross. Jenna should take it as a sign to wash her couch better. Alli sets Jenna up on a blind date with one of her boyfriend’s friends. His name is Olay and he’s so crazy he should be a main character next season. Olay is studying massage therapy, which in France means prostitute. French prostitutes require a license and several years of schooling, like in Firefly. Jenna is creeped out by Olay’s crazy face and craziness and such. Though Jenna is on to talk.

Back in the dorms, Jenna is all mopey and writing another crappy song. “I have good news,” says Alli. “I talked Connor into having sex with you.” No, actually Connor explains than sex scares him. Jenna understands and they get to making out. It’s pretty gross.

 

In Canada:

Becky sent flowers to Adam. He is happy and thinks it means she forgave him. But he opens the package and sees that the flowers are all decayed and ruined. He thinks Becky did this on purpose, but it was probably UPS fucking up cross border shipping. Dallas recommends Adam put Becky behind him and pursue Imogen. I think Dallas’s reasoning is that Imogen is half a lesbian (not bisexual, half a lesbian) and that’s really the best someone like Adam could hope for. Also, Dallas keeps calling Adam “Ad-rock”. It’s a nickname only Dallas uses and only in this episode. I know Dallas lives with the Torres family, but he’s really awkward as surrogate older brother.

wedding

Degrassi Day Camp has moved to the Ravine, bringing many of the little ones back to the place they were conceived.  Imogen is putting together an arranged marriage for Colton and a girl. That’s kind of weird, but it’s Imogen. What’s even weirder is that one of the campers is two feet taller than the others.  Everyone else is around 8 years-old, but this boy looks 14. He’s the same size as the teenagers, but wears the same shirt as the little campers and is really out of place. What’s his story?

van

It starts raining and Adam and Imogen seek shelter in a van. Oh shit, a van in the Ravine! You know what that means. Adam’s getting a blowjob! I mean, you know, they are going to have to mime it. Drama club practice will come in handy for once. Imogen takes off her wet shirt. She’s showing her boobies in a pink bra. 1.) Based on what we’ve seen of Jordan Todosey, Adam has bigger boobs than Imogen. 2.) I am surprised Imogen has a normal bra. I kind of expected her to wear a bra she made out of duct tape. She probably did that once, but almost ripped off her nipples when she took it off. Or, the bra would have some weird branding, like Drake & Josh. Josh’s face would be on the right cup with some quote from the show where he said something stupid. Drake would be on the left cup, calling Josh stupid. Imogen would be the right age to have been a Drake & Josh fan. I was never into that show, but watched iCarly, because who gives a shit about Miranda Cosgrove until she grew breasts, am I right?

Come on, someone agree with me…

Anyway, Adam jumps Imogen and they make out. Yes, children, give in to the power of Ravine. Let the horniness flow through you.

This is when Drew interrupts them by opening the door. “Dude, I reserved the sex van for this hour,” Drew informs his brother.

van

Nothing more happens between Adam and Imogen, but Adam feels guilty and wants to confess to Becky. Drew says he will have to wait until they get home because there is no cell service for miles. But Adam can’t wait, he has go crawling to his girlfriend like a bitch right now. So he swipes the keys to the van and drives until he gets signal. It’s also suddenly dark out. Adam tries to type a text message while driving and almost collides with an oncoming car, but swerves and crashes into a tree instead.

Way to drive like a girl, Adam. You hit that tree harder than a cannonball.