Season 13 Episode 13
Airdate: October 31, 2013
Maya plays a song for music class. It’s about telling a boy to take off her clothes. Ms. Oh thought it was great.
Miles wants to take Maya to an Ed Asner concert. But Maya is not sure if she wants to go with him. I thought they were a couple.
Maya apparently wants to focus on her music instead of boys. A decision she would have had to have made, like, this morning, since she went to HawaiiFest with Miles and spent her whole time in Paris obsessing over him. It seems that Maya may be afraid of having another boyfriend after Cam killed himself. If Miles dies, that most likely means she is cursed. Man, she should have never called that old gypsy in the mall fat.
Zoe wants to help Maya shoot a music video for her song. Zoe will be the director and gets them access to the WildWest set. Zoe was an actress on that show so totally thinks she is capable of being a director.
Zoe leads Maya and Tristan into the studio and explains that she is “tight with a key grip” who left the place unlocked. Yeah, I get chills thinking about what she means by that, too. Zoe introduces them an actor on WildWest, a boy who looks eerily like Miles. He must be Miles’s evil doppelganger. His name is Kilometers.
Zoe’s vision is for Maya to perform her song on a bed and undress until she is naked (but covered by a blanket) and cuddling with Kilometers. Maya is reluctant to do this, but come on, she titled her song “Naked”. What did she expect? Tristan mildly encourages her by saying, “You’ll know you’ve taken off too much when I vomit.”
So they film the video as Zoe planned. And somehow it is a better production than a Degrassi episode. Zoe uploads it to Youtube.
Maya proudly shows the video to Miles, who is the opposite of pleased. “It’s fine if you’re into porn,” Miles says. Miles must not be into porn. Later, Miles tells her she is not who he thought she was and drops this bomb:
“You were a slut to get attention.”
-Miles to Maya
God, Miles is a whiny little bitch. Miles tells Maya to check her Facerange fanpage. Maya does. On it, people are calling her a slut and have Photoshopped her face onto models’ bodies. Apparently, it’s all Degrassi kids doing this, too. Maya is shocked and appalled. But if you ask me, she should feel flattered boys consider her fapable.
Maya tells Zoe to take the video down. God damn it, Maya: again, you wrote a song about being naked. Don’t act so surprised. Just write a different song. If you do, you’ll have written twice the number of songs as Lisa Loeb.
Zoe will not remove the video and says that people said mean to her when she was on TV and this is the “price you pay for fame”. Shit, the only people who watched the video are her classmates. Imagine how bad things will be for her when people she has never met see it.
In class, Tristan asks Maya if the naked photos of her are real. Maya explains they are not. All naked girls look alike to Tristan. All he sees is an open wound. I mean, shit, it even bleeds.
Maya stands up to give the class a report on Jane Eyre. Maya talks about how Jane would sacrifice herself by getting married, which is some analogy for what is going on with Maya. But the fact that the writers dare compare their shit bucket of a show with Charlotte Brontë offends me. Offends me greatly.
Maya is interrupted when a boy shows the class a picture of Maya’s head pasted onto an ad for a phone sex hotline. The teacher kicks him out, but as he leaves tells Maya, “I’ll call you.” Man, this kid is the coolest. He also looks like he is 10 years old. That makes him even cooler.
The next morning, Maya wants to stay home from school. Her mom learns what happened and tells Maya the bullying is not her fault. Maya says that does not matter because there is no way they can stop the harassment when it’s online. “We’ll figure something out,” her mom says with a great deal of determination. “We will sue the internet.”
Dallas has been missing class, which is typical for a Degrassi student, but history class must be doing something on Rome, because Drew is dressed like an ancient Roman and that looks like fun.
Drew goes home and finds Dallas in bed with a white girl. Dallas doesn’t care about school or anything but lying in bed with this girl. Oh shit that girl is Succubus! She is draining his masculine energy.
In addition, Dallas is now an alcoholic. He spent the day drinking a lot of booze. And he doesn’t even know the girl’s name. This whole character development came way of left field but I am not going to complain because it’s made Dallas 1000x cooler.
Apparently, Dallas has sunk into this depression because his son is going to some other part of Canada. Dallas got a girl pregnant in his old town and they moved to Toronto and are now moving away. Dallas is the first black man in North America to care about being with his child.
Drew wants to jolt Dallas back into caring about school. Imogen says Dallas needs to be scared like when the Ghost of Christmas Future visited Ebenezer Scrooge. Yes, that is the example Imogen used. To be fare to Imogen, the Mickey Mouse version of A Christmas Carol is the most violent movie she has ever seen. So Drew and Imogen will dress up in white sheets like ghosts. It will scare Dallas but not in the way they intended.
We next see Drew hand money to the girl Dallas was with. He is paying her to stay away. She was only with Dallas to piss off her parents, anyway.
Actually, Drew paid the girl to tell Dallas he got her pregnant. Dallas says that is impossible because they did not have sex. So much for Drew’s plan. The girl tells Drew it didn’t work but she is still keeping the 60 bucks.
Dallas is offended Drew tried to pull this on him and says only Drew gets black out drunk and has sex with girls. No, that is really what Dallas said. It’s funny ’cause it’s true. Drew tells Dallas that he needs to get clean for his son. Dallas is like, “How dare you care about my well being! Ass!” Dallas has a point. Drew needs to back off for safety reasons. Drew’s Plan A was so terrible that his Plan B will probably get someone injured.
Alli will soon take the SATs, which she needs to apply to MIT. Alli wonders if she missed her opportunity to get in when she passed on that scholarship last year. Yeah, she probably did. But it’s Degrassi, so anything can happen. I mean anything. For all we know, Alli will get accepted to Starfleet Academy.
Pepe is upset that Alli wants to go MIT and canceled their date to study. He moved to Canada for her and now she wants to move to the US next year. He crossed an ocean to be with her and now is a waiter at the Dot and the only people he can find who speak French are obnoxious Quebecers. Man, Pepe should follow her to Boston. There are like 400 colleges in that town. Pepe can get into one.
That’s actually Alli’s plan. She wants him to apply to a Boston school and get a student visa. This displeases monsieur Pepe, because slaps her in the ally behind the Dot. I have to say, I was kind of happy that happened. Alli has needed a slap across the face for years.
What the Forum Fags Are Saying:
Gotta love how Dallas went from being the responsible sane man this season and now all of the sudden he’s getting drunk and leaving school with girls everyday. – CarrieSpicoli