Degrassi: 13.14 “Barely Breathing”

Season 13 Episode 14
Airdate: November 7, 2013

A Plot:

Maya and her mom meet with Principal Simpson about students harassing Maya online. Simpson says that access to social media sites is banned on school computers (except we’ve seen students log onto Facerange several times. Simpson must still think MyRoom is the popular social media site) and he can’t police whole internet. This is not good enough for Maya’s mom, who asks how Simpson would feel if this happened to his daughter.  The funny thing is, it sort of did when Emma undressed in front of the whole school for one of her dumb protests. But it would be kind of hard for Mr. Simpson to explain that.

“Back when my daughter was a senior, McDonalds signed on to sponsor some school athletics. They created this thing called the Grimace Girls, who were female students who dressed in purple bandage dresses to promote McDonalds. My daughter joined the Grimace Girls but didn’t like how they objectified women or something like that, so she took off the dress in front of the whole school.

But no one made Photoshop things of her like they did with Maya. This was 2008 and I guess not that many kids knew how to use Photoshop back then. Somehow today, every teenager today is skilled with Photoshop.”


Maya plays cello in the music room. Some boy I don’t think I’ve ever seen before talks to her. He says has her back. Maya is grateful. Then he says, “What a sweet back it is.” And grabs her butt. Ha!

Miles suddenly appears and punches the boy and then shoves him out of the room. Maya eyes are wet, and so is her vag, after watching Miles kick someone’s ass on her behalf.


Miles is here to help. He takes Maya to what they refer to as “the rubber room”. This is the part of the school where the kids from the wrong side of Degrassi Street hang out. You know it’s a rough area because rock music plays when the two enter. Miles introduces Maya to a girl who reminds me of Alex + early Ellie, but is also a computer hacker. Miles hands her what I thought were coupons, but are actually that hilarious looking Canadian currency.  She was able to remove Maya’s Facerange page and found out who made it.

Zoe started the Facerange page. This was Zoe’s revenge for Maya taking Miles away. Zoe really planned out her revenge. First, she had to put aside her anger and befriend Maya, wait for Maya to write a song that could fit into a sexy music video, then offer to direct that video, then make favors to get her into a television studio, and then set up the revenge webpage. Zoe waited since the summer to take Maya down. It’s unusual for a teenage girl to do any sort of thinking this long term, since they  live in the moment worse than dogs do.


Zoe calls Maya a slut. Maya retaliates by spilling nail polish on Zoe’s white pants. Oh, it is ON!

Cat fight! CAT FIGHT! I have to hand it to whoever on the crew choreographed this. Because it is very realistic as girl fights go. It was all slapping and hair pulling and they can’t even stand up. On the pantheon of Degrassi Cat Fights, I would put this as a solid #2 behind Manny vs. Paige in season 4’s “Modern Love”. And that is only #1 because it started with a kick to the butt.

Both girls are sent to Simpson’s office. Their moms are here as well. Simpson says he can’t punish Zoe for the Facerange page because it was made off school grounds. However he tells Maya and her mom they have the option to sue Zoe. With that, Zoe went from feeling confident she was untouchable to really worried. “Have mercy,” Zoe pleads. Everyone laughs and reminisces about Full House. I mean I did. I blacked out for a while thinking about Full House.


When I got back to focusing on this Goddamn show, Maya’s and Miles making up a blues song. This is a neat scene in what has otherwise been a terrible season. Also Miles can play the guitar now.

Over in freshman music class, Maya performs a song she wrote. It’s not the blues diddy, it’s a new song with lyrics that trash Zoe as a has-been and wishes her dead. For this, Maya is suspended. Maya learned a lesson about online bullying. In America, something like that would be considered a terroristic threat and result in the police arresting Maya, but Canada is a quainter land.

May is also grounded for the duration of her suspension. She plays cello in her bedroom. Miles sneaks in and they kiss, but he skedaddles when they hear her mom approach. Maya’s mom is willing to support her daughter if she wishes to press charges against Zoe, but Maya decides not to.


B Plot:


Over at the Torres house, there is now a curtain up around the area of Dallas’s bed, so he can have privacy during his escapades with the ladies. Drew stands on the other side of the blanket and tells Dallas that he wants to help his friend. Because all of us have watched TV for 20+ years, we know Dallas is not there. Drew opens the curtain to see that not only is Dallas not there, but all his things are gone as well. Dallas moved away!

Drew goes to the hockey team. Hey, that boy who grabbed Maya’s butt is on the team (those hockey kids are all horny troublemakers). In fact, he is the new captain because Dallas was cut for being a Goddamn drunk. They don’t know where Dallas is either.


Dallas suddenly reappears just in time for history class. He is drunk, of course.

Drew: Have you been drinking?

Dallas: Maybe one…case. Tee hee

The boys have to give a presentation on Caesar and Brutus, but are interrupted when Dallas throws up his liquor. That actually saved them since I am pretty sure neither of them did any research.

After class, Dallas tells Drew he is moving back to his hometown. “Who am I without hockey?” Dallas cries. Dallas is just another young Canuck who realizes he will never make it in the NHL and is pushed to the edge. This is a national crisis in Canada and no one in the media is talking about it but Degrassi. This is Canada’s version of the NFL concussion scandal.

“I already lost one brother this year… I can’t lose another.”

– Drew

Drew wants Dallas to stay. Dallas decides to continue living with the Torres family despite the fact he is no longer on the hockey team. Which was his reason for coming here in the first place. I imagine his real family would want him back. Oh well.

I suppose the show doesn’t have the budget to rent out hockey rinks anymore, so they had to find someway to write the team off the show.

But it works great for Drew and his mom. They lost Adam but gained Dallas. The family came out even this year.


C Plot:


Alli puts on makeup in school while she remembers Pepe hitting her. I don’t think she is covering up a bruise, though. Pepe didn’t smack her all that hard (unfortunately) and Pakistani skin is close enough to purple that I don’t think a bruise would be all that visible anyway.

Pepe sends her balloons, presumably to apologize, but it could have been to gloat about hitting her. Balloons are really about celebrations more than apologies. Connor delivers them. Maybe Connor has a balloon business. Connor started it for the same reason potheads like to own medical marijuana stores. ‘Cause if you do what you like, you’ll like what you do.

Alli throws the balloons into the trash. However, the helium keeps them floating. So it looks like someone tied balloons to a trashcan to make it festive.

Pepe goes to the school to apologize to Alli directly. She doesn’t want to be near him. Pepe says that he is a broken man. “Fix me,” Pepe pleads. Oh shit, Alli is a dumb girl, and dumb girls fall for lines like that.

All takes the SATs and then forgives Pepe. She is giving him a second chance. Or I guess this is a third chance. Alli is stupid. If you are going to keep coming back to some abusive jerk, he should be a little bit better than a smelly Frenchman. I mean, hell, if I were dating Daniel Day Lewis, I’d let him smack me around. And be grateful. He’d deliver an Oscar® worthy beating every time.

What the Forum Fags Are Saying:

“How would you feel if people were spreading rumors about your daughter?”

His daughter sucked dicks in the ravine… – PoP

Are they rumors if they’re true? – Ruthie Pee