Degrassi Junior High: 201 “Eggbert”

This week’s episode is about eggs.Season 2 Episode 1
Airdate: January 4, 1988

I realize that these reviews are going to be out of order right now but I can’t find my copy of season 1 of Degrassi Junior High among my massive collection of clearance-priced Valentine’s Day candy. It’s in there somewhere, it’ll just take a few weeks of a strict candy-heart diet to get to the center of the mess.

Degrassi Junior High

This week’s episode is about eggs.

Degrassi Junior High

Spike starts the year off with some group for pregnant girls with bad hair. This pink-shirted slouching gal shares her story about how her baby daddy’s daddy won’t have anything to do with her baby, giving us a base plot summary of the next couple of episodes within the first 30 seconds of the show. Thanks, slouchy girl, for spoiling my reviews.

Degrassi Junior High

Joey and Snake are havin’ a mighty good time at the urinals, talking about girls and whatnot, when Shane saunters in all creepy-like. Joey cracks a joke about how good Shane is with girls, because he impregnated Spike and all. Flannel-clad Shane tells Joey to buzz off, and that Spike’s been ignoring him.

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Meanwhile, during Degrassi’s 30-minute-long locker break, Stephanie is cleaning out her locker. I guess she forgot to clean it at the end of last year like she was supposed to. Anyway, she gives all her trashy clothes away to Alexa because she is trying to look more “mature.” She definitely nailed “mature” with that grandma costume she’s wearing.

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Arthur and Yick are sissy-fighting as usual when this kid comes along and asks where class 7C is. Are we supposed to take this kid seriously? He’s about 4 feet tall, pushes up his grandpa glasses mid-sentence, and carries a backpack that probably has the Hot Wheels logo on the pocket. Arthur, sporting his totally-cool Lakers t-shirt and his locker key hanging around his neck, remarks, “Since when did they let little kids into junior high?” Well Arthur, since they let you in. Because you are a little kid too. Or at least Yick is; they probably still ask him if he wants a kids’ menu when he goes out to eat. And he takes it too, because he likes the side of crayons that come with his chicken fingers. He says the purple ones taste like “sunshines.”

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Spike tells the girls all about the egg she got at the group thing that she’s supposed to carry around to show her what taking care of a baby is like. The girls go wild. Eggs are the new black, apparently. They draw it a face and one of the twins gives it the least creative name apart from “EGG” that I can think of–“Eggbert.” Shane scowls because he could’ve thought of a much better name for the egg. It’s his egg too, you know. He initially thought of Flannel Dirtbike McMullet, but ultimately decided on naming it after his dad, Benjamin Button.

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There’s a new kid in Mr. Raditch’s class, and his name is Simon Dexter. Alexa’s got her eyes set on him, but so does Stephanie. Who will win? Well, since Simon is a stunning pre-teen model in a Dude Jeans catalogue, Alexa will have the upper hand, because she has Steph’s “lady of the night” wardrobe, and local B-list celebrities go for that kind of stuff.

There’s a new kid in Ms. Avery’s class too. She introduces him as Scott Webster (could they pick a more cliché last name?) but he says everyone calls him Scooter. Arthur and Yick agree that the only ‘scooting’ he’s gonna do is scooting outta their way, because they are the big men in class 7C.

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Spike and Shane have an awkward conversation in the hallway where Shane shares that he wants some of the responsibility of taking care of the baby too. Spike hands over Eggbert and the two seem to be getting along. This scene would be a lot more boring if it weren’t for the “Merci de ne pas fumer” sign behind them. Degrassi tries really hard to not look like a Canadian show for some reason (the Lakers t-shirt, using American money, and later, a Tennessee football sweatshirt), but this is one of their slip-ups. Oh yeah, and the fact that they say “aboot” all the time doesn’t really help either.

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Shane travels back in time to 1940, where a man in drag is scrambling some eggs mid-afternoon, and Benjamin Button has stepped in to make use of the house’s pay-phone.

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Ok, I made that up, but these two characters are way too strange for their own good. As soon as Mr. Button gets off the phone with his friend whose son has joined a gang (bless his heart) he asks Shane, “Son, have you ever heard of… CRRRRRRACK?” When Shane says no, Turtleman smirks like in The Grinch that Stole Christmas, and says that he’s glad his son isn’t “messed up” like all the rest. Mom cracks an egg to remind us of the dilemma Shane’s facing. I told you this episode was about eggs. Incredible! Edible! Metaphorical!

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Erica, Heather, and Stephanie are gabbing about Simon. I didn’t think he was that cute at first but now I understand why all the girls here are so desperate:

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These guys are the best Degrassi has to offer.

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In Mr. Raditch’s class, Lucy announces that everyone’s invited to her house for a hot middle school party. The girls freak out, and even Snake (who is wearing hospital scrubs) gets excited. Before class even begins, it’s over again, and this girl in the pink shirt and braids is already at the door. In every episode I’ve watched, this girl is the last one to class and the first one out the door. In some ways, she is the most convincing character in the show. The rest of the kids are way too excited to be in class ten minutes early.

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Stephanie is about to ask Simon to the party when she finds out that Alexa and her chubby arms have already asked him. Seriously, is there no dress code in this school? Those wacky Canadians and their tube tops.

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Scooter sabotages Arthur and Yick’s sissy watergun fight truce, and Arthur starts to strangle Yick… Not really, but I wish these guys would get a serious plot and not just wind up in these namby-pamby little arguments. Then again, I think this is pretty typical of middle schoolers. I forget that this isn’t Degrassi High, where every student is either pregnant, coked out, or dead.

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Fast forward to Lucy’s party. One of the twins (the less ugly one) goes for a bottle of Lucy’s parents’ booze, but Lucy says to lay off, because ever since she shoplifted that sweater back in season 1, her parents have been chaining her to a chair whenever she touches anything in the house.

Lucy does manage to have whatever the opposite of the Midas touch is, because she breaks her dad’s favorite tape. I don’t know what kind of middle schoolers listen to the same music as their dads. I mean, if this were my party, everyone would leave after they discovered all we had was Dwight Yoakam.

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Back at the McKays’, things are just starting to heat up. I laughed so hard at this cut, because it initially begins with a close-up shot of the clock saying it’s 8:30 or so. Benjamin Button (who now looks more like Dave Thomas) calls gin, Ms. McKay accuses him of cheating, and the two of them go to bed. The acting is just beyond terrible, I forgot what the point of this scene was.

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The Zit Remedy gang is all, “lame party,” till like, Shane comes over. Spike is furious because he’s supposed to be home taking care of Eggbert, or whatever. So like, then they totally start throwing it around and havin’ a blast and like, Lucy gets all zonked because they’ll mess up the new carpet, except that the house has wood flooring.

Degrassi Junior High

Stephanie talks to Simon about Alexa, who asserts that she’s “cool” and he likes the way she dresses, which tonight, is like the tooth fairy.

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Outside, Spike yells at Shane for being irresponsible with the baby egg. She says that if he really wanted to take responsibility, he would share the burden of taking care of the baby egg. Shane’s retort? “Plenty of people take babies to parties.” Oh yeah. Shane – 1, Spike – 0.

Spike throws a fit and smashes the baby egg. Shane gets kind of depressed because he wanted to fry it up when the 2 weeks were over. Shane – 1, Spike – 1, Baby Egg – 0

Degrassi Junior High

Cut to Shane, walking into his parents’ usual rowdy antics of card games and Lawrence Welk. He hesitates, then reveals: “Mom, Dad, we need to talk.” Cue end credits. WHAT DOES HE WANNA TALK ABOUT?! Maybe he just wanted a haircut. Thanks, Degrassi writers. Now we’ll never know.

Overall, I think this episode was a pretty good one, since we got to learn so much about eggs and all. This is also the first episode where I heard the word “narbo,” some sort of code word in the twins’ secret language. We met Simon and Scooter for the first time, and got to know Shane’s dull-as-dishsoap parents. Your Degrassi forecast calls for more angsty Spike plots, a dash of pedophilia, bullying, embarassing alcoholic parents, epilepsy, and all sorts of wild middle school action. It’s gonna be a good season.