Degrassi Minis – Season 9

Here is the next batch of mini episodes. They are from season 9 back in 2009. That was so very long ago, but you can view them by going to youtube.com/epitomedegrassi.

Ghost of Degrassi Past | Searching for Sinder3lla | Good Times | Forgetting Sav Bhandari

“Ghost of Degrassi Past”

Holly J learns the meaning of Christmas when visited by a blast from the past!

ghostofdegrassi

Part 1

Holly J is overseeing the Degrassi Christmas—I mean holiday—pageant (Glenn Beck is going to be sooo pissed when I tell him about this).

It’s ten minutes to showtime, but things are a mess backstage. Chante decided to dress as a boxer because of Boxing Day and Chante is a retard. Connor and Bruce fight over a menorah. That’s very disrespectful to Judaism, because who ever heard of two Jews arguing, especially over religion? Sav and Webster would rather be their dumb band than the wise men and Peter is missing because he has a girl to rape. KC and Jenna are Joseph and a pregnant Mary, which would be hilarious foreshadowing if the producers thought that far ahead. They never do, of course, but it’s fun to pretend.

“I just wish everyone would leave me alone!” Holly J says and then it goes dark. Holly J is startled to see that everyone but her is frozen. There is only one other person here who can move. It’s JT! Back from the dead! I wasn’t sure who he was initially because he aged despite being a ghost. He looks nothing like young JT. He’s super thin and his hair is starting to go. He’s halfway to looking like Dale Gribble from King of the Hill.

“I’m here to help you,” JT tells Holly J. OK, good, because usually when a ghost shows up it’s to kill you. I’m glad this is not a Christmas horror mini.

Part 2

“I know all about you and your friends,” JT tells Holly J. Holly J replies that these kids are not her friends, saying, “Anyone of them would stab me in the back.” “Ooh, been there!” JT winches. Even as a ghost he still has that mild sense of humor. If he were still alive, he’d be able to earn a living making wisecracks on VH-1 specials.

JT tells Holly J that she has forgotten the “true meaning of the holidays”. Holly J’s parents left to visit her big sister, Heather, so she is alone for Christmas. “Suck it up,” JT says, because her friends need her to fix their play.

“Appreciate your life,” he says, because “high school is not the end of all things, it’s the beginning.” This from the kid who was lost his life over some pointless high school drama. Why is JT even here and why has he been watching these kids instead of playing badminton with Abe Lincoln? Maybe Degrassi traps the souls of all who have died while attending it. JT has to spend eternity hanging out in the basement with Cam and Rick and that dead kid Simpson found back in Degrassi High.

JT bites a cupcake and disappears and everyone else comes back. Holly J tells the kids to get out there and put on the best play they can.  It’s not like anyone expects much from a school play, anyway. All the kids run out on stage at the same time. I assume they are going to ad lib a Christmas pageant.

Holly J bites into cupcake, before realizing it was the one JT had, and spits it out. If this was a bad ‘80s horror movie, that would unleash a demon made of dough who won’t rest until he kills her.

So Holly J has learned to be a little less of a bitch. Except Holly J is still going to an empty house and will be alone on Christmas. Did you think about that, JT’s ghost, did ya, ya silly ghost of Degrassi past?


“Searching for Sinder3lla”

Declan searches for a student whose online profile matches his heart.

sinder3lla

Part 1

Outside Media Immersion room, a girl kisses Declan while Sav watches. The girl leaves and Declan sits down next to Sav, who wants to know all about this girl, Trish, and when he can watch them again. Declan stops listening when he sees something on the computer. He asks who was sitting here before but Sav doesn’t know. A girl left her browser window open and Declan is infatuated with this her profile because she reads the Economist and watches The Daily Show, which makes her worldly like him. Her username is Sinder3lla, but Declan can’t find out who she really is because she logged out.

Declan thinks he’ll never know more about Sinder3lla because he doesn’t know what Google is. Sav suggest they ask the smart grade 9 kids behind them (Clare and Connor) because they know computers. Declan orders Sav to talk to them because Declan is above speaking to freshmen.

Part 2

Declan puts Clare and Connor to work searching for Sinder3lla. The younger ones find all her social media accounts, but nothing that has a photo or her name. All Declan learns is that she likes James Bond movies, which impresses him. That just means she has a crush on Daniel Craig. She has never heard of Sean Connery is and only knows Goldeneye as the video game her cousins played a lot when she was 6.

Mini-Connor finds it funny that Declan is so obsessed over this. “Were you laughing at my pain, little man?” Declan says. To save his life, Mini-C recommends they ask his cousin, Chante Black, who knows all the gossip around. She posts all the goings on of Degrassi on her blog: Chante is the New Black.

Part 3

Declan and Sav go to Chante, who is with Holly J. They want to inquire about Sinder3lla, but not give it away that Declan is looking for a new girlfriend. Declan makes Sav ask, which makes Chante go into sassy black mode thinking he wants to dump Anya. Declan has to step in and say he is the one looking for Sinder3lla. The girls joke that the username could belong to a man.

The bell rings and the group breaks up. Holly J dropped her purse. Declan picks it up as Trish comes from behind and kisses him. Declan holds up the purse and we see the name stitched on it. Oh my, Sinder3lla is Holly J! Declan no longer has to be searching for Sinder3lla.

—–

Because it’s totally commonplace for a girl to stitch her username on her purse. Also, Sinder3lla is totally not a name Holly J would use. She would not use the name of a princess because she is a queen. Turning a Disney name into something edgy is beneath her as well. Holly J wouldn’t use that. She would go by something like WhiteCondiRice93.


“Good Times”

Bruce points out how stupid Degrassi is.

goodtimes

Part 1

Studz practices in the music room. That was the band that had Jane as the singer with Peter, Sav, Webster and Spinner. Spinner is 24 and hanging around his old high school because he is a drummer in a band with a bunch of teenagers. He just doesn’t give a fuck about life. Bruce and Mini-Connor watch. Bruce grins when Holly J enters and chews out Sav.

Oh wait that’s not Holly J; it’s Anya. Anya dated Sav because they had a mutual love of coloring books (I am not lying). Holly J just did a sexy dance for him later on because girls are stupid like that. I was confused because Holly and Anya looked the same back then. When they first started the show, I couldn’t tell them apart because they both wore super tight ponytails all the time. Turns out the reason being Holly J was so dominate that she forced her best friend to look like her. You know halfway through season 7, Anya begged Holly J to let her change it because wearing that ponytail all the time hurt, but Holly J said no. “Maybe next semester I’ll decide we wear our hair down, but you’ll have to straighten it every morning. No curls!”

Anyway, Anya says Sav made a “huge mistake” and so did Jane. Shocker! An electric organ plays in the background like in old time soap operas, which I am surprised is not used the series, considering Degrassi is at that same level of quality.

Part 2

Like a typical chick, Anya will not tell Sav what he did wrong. Bruce explains to Mini-Connor how funny Sav looks when he is nervous. Turns out Anya blames Sav for hooking up Holly J and Declan. Now she is going to fail their group English project because Holly J and Declan are always making out. What? That is not Holly J. Holly J would never ever put a boy ahead of homework. She intends on going to Yale and then becoming Prime Minister. The Holly J in these minis must be from a parallel universe.

Bruce snacks on popcorn while telling Mini-Connor is going on. He explains to M-C that he noticed all the fun things seem to happen to this select group of people, so he comes here to sit and watch the fun.

Chante enters the room.

Part 3

Chante and Webster flirt. Chante has to go after Webster because he is the only black guy in this school she is not related to.

Bruce wonders why Chante always seems to be in the background. Well, that’s because Chante is too dark to get with a white boy, so she has to wait for a black boy to come along unless she finds a white guy with a slavery fetish. You know what I mean: a white boy who will rent a cabin and have Chante wait there wearing a dress made out of rags and lying on a straw bed. After the sun has set, he’ll open the door and step inside wearing a powered wig. She’ll call him Massa’ Jefferson.

Holly J and Declan enter, then Anya again and Spinner suggests they all have a makeout party. Dude, you are the only legal adult in this room. Don’t say that!

Jane gets up to leave because Spinner is annoying. Bruce sees his chance and hits on Jane. Jane can’t wait to leave for college.

Part 4

With most of the main cast here, Bruce takes the opportunity to explain how everyone is connected because they have all been with the same boyfriends or girlfriends. In 2008, someone sent us a chart detailing the many relationship links. Pretty much everyone has hooked up with everyone on Degrassi.

Except Jane. According to Bruce, Jane feels left out because she has only ever been with Spinner. Silly Bruce to think Jane would ever need another man after finding perfection. Bruce says Jane would feel more in the group if he slept with her. And this is how Bruce died.

Jane reenters the room and Bruce tells her his proposal. Jane can’t believe it. Spinner would kill Bruce, but finds this all very funny.

The group breaks and Declan and Jane talk in private. They discuss their brief fling while she was with Spinner. Yeah, Declan did that. All that money must make him feel invisible. Bruce smirks because he overheard this and will add it to his diary. It was good times.

—–

This was stupid because Degrassi is not a good enough show to poke fun at itself like they tried to do here. I did like that Mini-Connor stuck to Bruce’s like Jimmy Cricket to Pinocchio.

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