Season 1 Episode 3
Airdate: September 16th, 2009
Porpoise of Life name: “Will’s Gay Singing Group”
Issue of the Week: Being true to yourself
Will and Terri have his parents over for dinner and Will announces that Terri is pregnant. This brings much joy to his parents, but not to Terri, who is not pregnant, but hasn’t told Will yet. Terri and Will’s mom go off to change each other’s tampons or something, while Will and his dad have some man talk. Will admits he is scared, so Will’s dad tells his son that his dream was to become a lawyer, but he didn’t have the guts to go to law school, so he settled on insurance, which is still a high paying field, but whatever. He tells Will, “Being a man is all about one thing: guts.”
Over at New Directions, the cheerleaders don’t like Will’s choreographer. They make Rachel tell him to hire Broadway choreographer Dakota Stanley, as it will be the only sure way to beat Vocal Adrenaline. But that is a fiendish plot of Sue’s to destroy New Directions. You see, Stanley is such a demanding and difficult choreographer that Quinn predicts one kid with either “quit or commit suicide.” She would feel the same either way.
Will thinks he can choreograph the glee club just fine and doesn’t think someone who worked on Broadway is all that. Quinn rubs in the fact that Will never performed after high school because Quinn is a big meanie. Will is very sad. I understand feeling bad about what Quinn said about performing, but Will is just absolutely shocked to be told her can’t dance. I don’t know. There are so many reasons why he can’t expect himself to be a good dance. Namely: Male.White.35.Teacher.Small town.Ohio.
Will goes to talk with Emma, who is cleaning her plants. That’s odd, since it seems like Emma would have a hard time being in the same room as dirt. Will tells her he always wanted to be a performer and wants to do something his future kid can be proud of. “I hope it’s cool with me unloading on you on this,” he tells Emma. Emma wishes you would unload on her! Tee hee hee!
Henri, the woodshop teacher, has returned to school after he lost his thumbs in a table saw accident. The other teachers bought him a cake. The cake is two hands giving a thumbs up. That’s–oh wait, something’s happening to me. I’ve been watching so much Glee, I’m starting to channel Sue Sylvester now. Hold on, she’s coming up!
Sue Says: The only thing that separates humans from animals are our thumbs. You are no longer human. You’re pathetic. Even apes have thumbs. You’re worse off than an ape. Never go to the zoo. It’ll make you cry.
The men in the room discuss what losers they all are and then sing about their sorrow to “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow.” This gives Will the idea to start an all male accapela group with Coach Tanaka, Henri, and Howard Bamboo, a man who works at Terri’s store. Sandy, the former glee club director, also wants in, but the others do not because he likes to touch boy’s butts. They are named Acafellas and they are glorious. They mostly sing hip hop songs and practice in Will’s apartment.
Terri kicks the other boys out and then jumps Will. They have much sex in the vagina (once a week, according to Will). Will thinks that Terri is turned on by him being in a band, but Terri needs to get pregnant for real.
Acafellas light up a crowd at a bar to “Poison” and and 3/4 of them get a good review in the local paper. Terri suspects Emma likes Will when she applauds for him at the show. Will is having so much fun with Acafellas that he abandons glee club.
The glee club gang (minus Finn because he is against this, and minus Artie because no one wanted to help him into Kurt’s SUV) drive to Vocal Addreline’s school to hire Dakota Stanley. Vocal Adrenaline practice every day from 2:30 to midnight, and we see how hard Dakota drives the kids when we see a girl fake TV vomit into a trash bin. The glee kids are warned against hiring Dakota. He is a monster who overworks kids. Inside, Vocal Adrenaline perform “Mercy” but Dakota found their presentation sloppy and called them a bunch of fuckers. When he steps outside, the glee kids ask about hiring him and he tells them his fee is $8000 per song. He then drives off in his fancy sports car to go back to his home where his hot wife (who is totally not really a 17 year old Puerto Rican boy) is waiting for him.
Howard and Henri drop out of Acafellas due to the pressure. Emma encourages Will to keep going, saying, “You know they said Van Halen was dead after David Lee Roth quit, but but my worn out single of ‘Rights Now’ says that they were wrong.” Will gets Finn to join the group since they are both bored with glee club. Puck also wants to join because he can sing and wants a shot at all the moms who will be in attendance. You see, Puck is tired of high school girls with their drama. He wants an older woman, a cougar, who will treat him well. Puck has an above ground pool cleaning service that gets steady business from lonely housewives.
Puck is gong to sing from now on. He has talent that he says will get him out of this “crappy cow town.” You know, the town where this show is set, Lima, Ohio, is a real town. I hope that town wasn’t planning to associate itself with this popular show (like Scranton, PA does with The Office) since we’re only three episodes in, and this is the second episode in which a character has called Lima a loser town.
Glee club holds a car wash to raise the money to hire Dakota Stanley. Sue makes the Cheerios help out because she wants Dakota Stanley to destroy glee club.
Mercedes has been crushing on Kurt, because Kurt’s fashion and mannerisms and impeccably trimmed eyebrows aren’t telling her what everyone else already knows. She asks Kurt out, but, a somewhat surprised, Kurt tells her he likes someone else. Kurt can’t work up the courage to say it’s Finn, so Mercedes thinks he likes Rachel and then smashes Kurt’s windshield out of black rage.
Mercedes starts singing “Bust Your Windows” a song about being betrayed by a man. The Cheerios all bust out as background dancers. This must be some kind of chick thing, like when a girl needs to vomit, her friend will hold her hair back. When a girl needs to sing about boy drama, other girls join in out of sisterly solidarity. Two things: I just laugh that Mercedes is singing this song about a gay boy. Two, the Cheerios dancers are really super skinny, so maybe next time the costume person can think twice about having those girls dance around without a shirt. Visible ribcage ain’t hot, and I swear I saw the outline of a kidney in few girls.
The car wash was a success. Dakota Stanley has been hired by glee club. And no, he is totally NOT based on that “spirit fingers” guy from Bring It On. Shutup. He gives the kid’s each a personalized nutrition list. Mercedes’ only says ‘coffee’. He insults the appearance of all the non-cheerleaders on the club and kicks Artie out. He calls Finn a “frankenteen” and tells him, “You’re freakishly tall. I feel like a woodland creature!” It’s true.
Artie, Tina, Mercedes, and Finn drop out of glee club. But Rachel rallies the troops by telling them that a young Barbra Streisand was told to get a nose job, but did not and went on to superstardom. “We’re going to win because we’re different,” says Rachel, “and that’s what makes us special.” This is Glee being it’s ‘let’s laugh after school special tropes’ self. Dakota is fired and the glee vow to be true to themselves. Now they just need to worry about Will still being bored with them.
Acafellas get ready for their big show at the PTA. They had to let Sandy in, because he is Myspace pals with superstar Josh Grobin, who has has tickets to the show. Josh Grobin has tickets to the PTA. Josh meets the group backstage and congratulates them. The guys think this will be there big break, but Josh just came to serve Sandy a restraining order. Sandy has been stalking him and sending him nude photos. Josh then hops a plane back to LA where his hot wife (who is totally not really a 17 year old Puerto Rican boy) is waiting for him.
(I didn’t know who John Grobin is until I looked him up on da ‘Pedia. I have never heard his music, but–just reading about him–his music sounds horrible.)
Outside, Will meets his dad, who congratulates him on the performance and tells his son he is enrolling in law school. He is following his dreams! Yay! Also, Will re-realizes his love of glee and returns to glee club. Again, this is the second time that has happened in three episodes. Either Will is really not that into glee club or has the attention span of an eight year old.
The next day at school, Kurt comes out to Mercedes. This is supposed to be a touching moment, but I thought he was out already. I mean, come on. Mercedes encourages Kurt to come out to glee club, but Kurt is too afraid to, because he thinks they don’t know. Oh, Kurt, you’re cute like that. Don’t ever change.
Acafellas should have had a sing off against Rockapella because my 90s nostalgia knows no bounds. Sure, the characters would be too young to recall the Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? TV show and the writers are told old to have cared, but I have no doubt there is a strong crossover in the fanbase between Glee and WWCS.
Best Musical Number:
“Mercy” – Duffy. Performed by Vocal Adrenaline
|Kurt’s Best Outfit:
|Did You Notice?Mercedes looks like Kenan Thompson. I see the resemblence, at least.|