Glee: 104 “Preggers”

Season 1 Episode 4
Airdate: September 23rd, 2009

Porpoise of Life name: “Football One”
Issue of the Week: Coming Out

Glee episode 104 Glee episode 104

We begin with Kurt doing the Beyonce “Singles Ladies” dance, the best way any show could open at any time in history. Britney and Tina are his backup dancers, but we don’t pay attention to them because Kurt is so much sexier in his leotard. I stand by that statement, now and forever.

Fun Fact: The actress who plays Britney was a backup dancer for Beyonce, which included doing the “Singles Ladies” dance on tour. This is why that actress is in the scene. The character is there because she desperately wants to be a fag hag.

Kurt’s dad, played by the lovely MIKE O’MALLEY, catches his dance and doesn’t know what to make of this insanity. Kurt isn’t out, but I think that his knows what is going on. I mean, his son is wearing a leotard. Kurt claims he uses it to workout after he made the football team. He also slaps Tina on the ass and claims she is his girlfriend. Kurt’s dad (his name is Burt) is like, huh…wah? Burt is a manly man who played football before he busted his knee on his dirtbike and just wants to go upstairs and watch Deadliest Catch.

STOP!

Before we go on we need to discuss MIKE O’MALLEY. Hopefully all readers of this site will remember him as the host of Nickelodeon GUTS, a sports competition show for kids. It was American Gladiators for children, but I saw GUTS first, so I thought of AG as adults wanting their own GUTS. Three kids in red, blue or purple jump suits would compete in a five challenges, culminating in a a race up the Aggro Cragg, a mountain that just happened to be inside a gymnasium. The player with the most points would win.

GUTS

GUTS was interesting for a couple of reasons. First, boys and girls competed against each other. The early episodes had preteens competitors, so the gender differences wouldn’t have been a big deal. Kids play co-ed soccer and whatnot at that age. But in later episodes, the players were all, like, in their mid-teens. You’d think that would make it difficult for the girls to compete against boys, but the ladies always held their own in the Extreme Arena and often won. That had to be a hard car ride home from Orlando, Florida for a boy who lost a girl, I always imagined.

GUTS

Second, the completions on GUTS rarely looked like something it would take much sports skill to pull off. Usually they involved jumping with a bungee cord. There was the game where you jumped with the aid of a bungee cord to grab a basketball off a tower of rubber mats, the game where you jumped with a bungee cord to shoot Nerf guns at a target, and the game where you competed to see how high you could jump with a bungee cord. This was all inside a gymnasium mind you. Also, the crew would often push the player. It still looked like an assload of fun. I also liked the game where kids had to paddle across a pool in a inflatable boat. Then there was the “Invisible Boat” challenge where kids had to paddle across a pool while strapped to a harness.

GUTS

The winner received a medal and a glowing piece of the Aggro Crag. That’s bullshit, man. Most Nick game shows gave you money and a grand prize of a trip to Universal Studios, Florida. I always thought the free trip was an odd prize since the contestants are already at Universal Studios; that’s where they filmed Nick shows back in the day. Maybe the winner just got his ticket refunded. The GUTS prizes weren’t nearly as good, but it was all for the glory man, all for the glory. I like to think that there was a boy in college around 2000 who had a piece of the Aggro Crag lying in his dorm. Girls would walk down the halls and see the piece of the radical rock from his open door and peek in while he was typing a paper.

“Is that the Aggro Cragg?” the girl would ask.

“Yes,” the boy would say. “I was on GUTS. My nickname was ‘Power’ Rod.”

“Wow. I’m all wet just looking at it. Let’s have lots and lots of sex.”

GUTS

MIKE O’MALLEY was the host of the show. As a lover of sports, children, and yelling at children, Mike was perfect for the job. He would introduce the show, talk to the contestants, give them stupid nicknames and shout a lot. Explaining the rules of each competition wasn’t his job. That went to his referee, Moria “Mo” Quark (her standup act can be seen here), who also kept us abreast of the point totals. Mike loved sending the viewer over to Mo for the rules or scores, by shouting and saying her name every other syllable. This is an accurate impersonation of MIKE O’MALLEY: “Mo! Let go to Mo! with the leader board MO! Mo! Mo! Mo! Mo! Mo! Mo!”

In 1995, GUTS became GLOBAL GUTS, an international competition of athletes from the US, UK, Mexico, Germany, Israel, Spain, Portugal, and the “Commonwealth of Independent Sates” which was some gay version of the former Soviet Union. It’s wasn’t really that global if you’re only inviting people from less than a dozen countries. I think they limited the contestants to nations when Nickelodeon had a presence. This meant no Canadians could be on the show even though it would be easier to fly them to Orlando than players from any of the other foreign countries. All for the better, I say.

Fuck it, I love MIKE O’MALLEY so much I am inserting his photo into the rest of the screencaps for this review. Ladies, you will not get through this review without touching yourself at least once.

GO!

Glee episode 104

Head over to Will and Terri, who are getting a Lamaze lesson from Terri’s sister. Will goes into the kitchen to make the women some BLTs because he’s a bitch, and Terri confesses to her sister that she is not really pregnant. Terri is worried about telling Will, which her sister advises against, telling her “Dishonesty is food to a marriage. It will die without it.”

Glee episode 104

Also, Sue has an editorial segment on the local evening news. She uses her airtime to advocate for canning as a punishment, after all, the sidewalks in Singapore were clean when she was their for a cheerleading competition. Sue tells us, “Canning works.”

I doubt the producers of Glee will ever read this site, because, unlike the Degrassi people, the Glee people have lives. But on the off chance one of the producers is ever doing a vanity Google search for his name and Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, or Ian Brennan–Glee, producers and creators of Nip/Tuck–stumble on this page, I would like you to know that you need to have at least six Sue’s Corners in every episode from now on.

Glee episode 104

Will is assigning the glee kids parts in West Side Story. Tina is given the solo, which upsets Rachel because she wants to be the star and has the best voice in the club. Will says he wants to give everyone a chance to shine, but, in the second episode, he took a solo from Rachel and gave it to Quinn. Will just doesn’t like Rachel.

Glee episode 104

Kurt joins the football team to please his dad. Kurt is so small and dandy that you would expect this not to work. Finn doesn’t want him to be so gay on the field, but Kurt argues, “My body is like a rum chocolate souffle. If I don’t warm it up right, it doesn’t rise.” Fuck yeah! Kurt turns out to be a kickass kicker because he warms up to “Single Ladies.”

Meanwhile, the TV station guy pays Sue a visit. Sue’s pro-littering editorial caused an uproar, but Sue just wants garbage men to be employed so they could afford tacos for their families. TV station guy is concerned. His daughter tells him that cheerleaders are defecting to the choir and without the talent they can’t win Nationals then Sue can’t be on TV because she was hired because she is a champion. Sue can’t lose her local TV gig. Looks like it’s time for her weekly plot to destroy glee club. Sue is like Gargamel to the glee club’s Smurfs, in that she wants to destroy glee club but her reason for during so changes all the time. Like, in the early seasons of The Smurfs, Gargamel wanted to kill the Smurfs because he could turn them into gold. Later on, he just wanted to eat the Smurfs.

Glee episode 104

Big shocker: Quinn is pregnant. And she says Will is the father! Will doesn’t understand how this can be since the two of them never actually had sex. Turns out he prematurely ejaculated in a hot tub and Quinn told him that myth about how sperm can travel in hot tub water.

I don’t understand what a premature ejaculation is. So, he is a heterosexual man next to an attractive woman and he ejaculates. That’s, like, natural, right? That shouldn’t mean he can’t have sex. He’s a young man. He’s got more in him. He just needs to wait, like, ten minutes.

Go gettum TIGER!

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Sue visits Sandy at his pedobear cave. She makes Sandy the school’s Arts Administrator. Principal Figgins can’t say no to that because Sue found a commercial he did for Mumbai Air in which he wears stockings, and threatens to put it on Youtube. Sue plans to team up with the ex-glee director to take Will down. If Sue spent half the time she does trying to destroy glee club on looking for a significant other, she would be a much happier person.

Glee episode 104

To do this, Sue and Sandy make Rachel the lead of a fake Cabaret show. Rachel auditions with Celine Dion song that isn’t that Titanic one, so I don’t know it. She is happy to drop out of glee if this will make her a star. Will visits her while she is practicing ballet and tries to get her to drop out of Cabaret, but Rachel won’t unless she gets to sing the lead on the West Side Story song. Will still wants Tina to sing it. Looks like the two of them are at an impasse.

You know, I expected that ballet room to be full of 8 year olds because Rachel was taking a child’s ballet class. It didn’t happen but that would so fit in with a character who goes to Wiggles concerts and has the same bedroom she did when she was five. It would have been funny. I am going to include a scene like that in the nonexistent Glee slashfiction I am not writing that totally doesn’t revolve around Finn and Puck hooking up and having hot football player man sex.

Glee episode 104

Tina doesn’t even sing the West Side Story song right and admits that Rachel would be better for the part. But Will doesn’t want to do what Tina or Rachel or the rest of glee club wants because, well, I don’t know why. I’ll just go with my early theory that Will hates Rachel.

Finn tells Will about the baby. They have a man to man talk over salad because they are counting calories. Will is scared that he won’t have a future now. He needs a football scholarship to afford college, but won’t be able to get one unless the football team starts winning games. He wants Wills help. Finn was reading about how Walter Peyton was a ballet dancer and he was magnificent. The football players need to be loosed up like Kurt is to succeed. Will needs to teach the players the spirit of dance.

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Other than Finn and Kurt, the football players are totally against learning to dance. Puck is all attitude like, “Oh I get it. We have to think more like Amazonian black woman.” What the hell does that even mean? But Coach Tanaka forces them all into the glee room where Kurt teaches them a move or two.

Finn tells Puck about the baby, which makes Puck slap his face and say “Whaaa?” It seems that Puck is really the father of Quinn’s baby. They had drunken sex, but Quinn doesn’t want Puck to be the baby’s daddy because she feels that Finn will be able to better provide for the child. Everyone involved here is in high school so none of them would actually be able to provide for the child.

Quinn runs crying to her car, where Terri is waiting. Quinn is freaked out, but Terri offers to buy her baby. I guess she is trying to…I don’t really know what Terri’s plan is or how she expects it to work without Will knowing. Terri is desperate.

Glee episode 104

It’s football night in Lima. The football players are reluctant to utilize their dance lessons on the field out in public lest they look like “A gay team,” as Puck says. “A big gay team of dancing gays.” But the game does not go well. West McKinley is down 6-0 with one second to go. Finn calls a time out.

Finn wants them to do the dance. Puck doesn’t, but Finn tells them that they have nothing to lose by doing it. “I don’t want to be a Lima loser for the rest of my life,” he says. Take THAT, Lima, Ohio. One of the opposing players keeps taunting them until Puck shuts him up by telling him he had sex with the boy’s mother in his bed after cleaning their pool. He had nice Star Wars sheets. It’s true. Puck works as a pool boy for lonely housewives.

The McKinley team breaks out into “Singles Ladies” dance, which freaks out there opponents. I think that would be a delay of game penalty, but whatever. Our heroes manage to score a touchdown. The clock runs out and Kurt scores a field goal, winning the game. That football went on for a while even after the clock ran out. That explains why NFl games are always six freaking hours long. You may have been able tot tell, I am not a football fan. It’s not my fault though, my father was a Detroit Lions fan. Having to sit through one of the those games was painful. I mean, Detroit doesn’t even have a good rivalry. They just have 31 other NFL teams who feel sorry for them. My dad would be like, “Oh hey, I guess you’d rather watch cartoons that watch football.” And I would. There are at least five channels that show cartoons on Sunday and they are all more entraining that the Lions. I suppose if I had been brought up as a Packer’s fan, I would probably follow football pretty closely, but I had to watch a team that always had disappointing games. Not only have the Lions never been good in my lifetime, but they’ve never even been good in my father’s as well.

Later that night, Kurt moisturizes when his father, played by the superbly entertaining MIKE O’MALLEY, comes to his room to congratulate him on the game. Kurt works up the courage to tell his dad he is gay. “I know,” says Burt. “I’ve know since you were three. All you wanted for your birthday was a pair of sensible heels.” Burt isn’t quite comfortable with this, but he is trying.

The episode ends with Puck and two guys who will never get any lines joining glee club. Rachel quits glee to devote all her energy to Cabaret.

Grade: A

There was a real lack of musical numbers in this episode. I don’t really have a preference between episodes that are music heavy and those that are not. “The Power of Madonna” had a lot of singing in it, and was my favorite episode so far. On the other hand “Home” also had a lot of singing and wasn’t the best. This episode had a lot of story to it, and nay more singing would have gotten in the way, and the several instances of the Beyonce dancing more than made up for the lack of other songs.

Kurt’s coming out was handled really well. I liked that his dad was neither really happy for him or totally ready to disown him. That’s fairly realistic situation for a lot of queer young people who come out to their families, and I’m glad they went that way with Kurt and Burt so we can see how their relationship evolves over time. I hope we will see much more of MIKE O’MALLEY. He is the best part of the show.

Best Musical Number:

“Tonight” – West Side Story. Performed by Tina

Kurt’s Best Outfit:

Glee episode 104

Related Links:

Mike O’Malley’s Dirty Life and Times

The Quotable Mike O’Malley