Glee: 112 “Mattress”

Season 1 Episode 12
Airdate: December 12th, 2009

Porpoise of Life name: “Mattress”
Issue of the Week: Yearbook photos

Glee episode 12

Emma and Ken’s wedding is coming up. It was going to be in Hawaii but Emma can’t bring her own fruit into that state, so it will be held in the VFW hall in Lima. Ken was able to get it at a discount because he booked it the day of the anniversary of their fish fry shooting. I liked that the show mentioned Friday Fish Fries, because those are very common in the Great Lakes area. I grew up in a county of less than 9000 people, but there were, like, almost a dozen places that did a fish fry every Friday night. I think that tradition began due to all the Catholics in the Midwest. I guess the Pope says they can’t each meat on Friday because cows represent the Virgin Mary or something.

Yearbook pictures are coming up. Sue got ready by getting an eye lift and her tear ducts removed, since she never uses them. She has pulled her weight with Principal Figgins to make it so glee club can’t be in the yearbook. Will really wants his kids to be in the yearbook.

But the glee kids don’t want to be in the yearbook, so are happy with Sue’s evil scheme for once. You see, every year, the glee club photo gets defaced. Sometimes this drives glee club graduates nuts. And the current crop of kids don’t want to end up like the former glee clubber who is now homeless man who sleeps in front of the library and barks at people.

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Will goes to Figgins and demands the glee club be given space in the yearbook. The principal tells him that space is already all taken, however, Will may purchase an advertisement to include a photo of the glee kids. He pays the $325 to buy the quarter page ad space, and has to keep that a secret from Terri, his wife.

As they are taking Rachel barges into the principal’s office. Her two gay dad have a lot of pull with the local ACLU and they will sue over this. Rachel loves having her yearbook photo taken. She feels it is good practice for dealing with the paparazzi when she becomes a star, and joins as many clubs as possible just to have her photo taken lots and lots of times. In addition to glee, she joined the Speech Club, Renaissance Club, Model UN, Muslim Students Club and the Black Student Union, which was just the Muslim Club joke done twice. She wants to start a “GayLesBall” with Kurt, which is a GSA in other schools. I dunno, I was surprised this high school has clubs. My high school didn’t have any clubs. I only got those in college. West McKinley looks like a much bigger high school than mine, so I guess they can afford clubs. At least until the next round of painful state budget cuts hit the Ohio public schools.

Since it is just a quarter page space, there is only room for two kids to represent glee club. Everyone votes to have Rachel appear in the photo, but no one else wishes to appear it in. Will talks with Emma about this. She recommends leaving it to Rachel to find someone else to be in the photo, since it will be easier for a teen to talk to a teen, even though everyone dislikes Rachel. They also discuss the wedding. Will believes that Ken purposely scheduled the wedding to be the same day as Sectionals so Emma could not go. Emma defends marry Ken. Emma knows what she is doing, Will. She is marrying the man she loves and has been dating for three whole months.

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Will asks Rachel to convince a co-captain to be in the photo with her. The other kids giver her excuses while Britney the cheerleader flat out says “I don’t want to be in a picture with you.” because she will deface it herself. Rachel finally goes to Finn, who agrees to be in the photo. Rachel sings the song “Smile” by Lily Allen because this is supposed to teach Finn how to smile correctly somehow. I guess it can because this is a musical. Degrassi should have used this excuse over the past nine years.

I wonder about that guy behind the piano. He is the room whenever the glee club has to practice, so I guess he is a school employee. But he is also there any old time the kids just pop into the choir room to sing. Always sitting behind the piano. Always silent.

Now I don’t want to know that man’s story. If he is even really a man, even really human.

I’m scared!

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Finn is accosted by two of his fellow football players, who are preparing to deface his glee photo. Finn pleads for mercy on behalf of glee club, but it falls on deaf ears. Glee’s photo must be vandalized, it is the way of high school.

Finn doesn’t show up for the photoshoot because of that, which makes Rachel sad. The photographer has to leave because he has to shoot a commercial for his brother’s mattress store. Rachel volunteers to be in the commercial, but the photographer says there is more than one speaking part. Rachel would be up for doing all the parts herself and just wearing a few different hats, but she has an idea to lift up glee club’s morale.

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Rachel gets glee club to participate in the commercial, since they’ll be celebrities and no one makes fun of celebrities. Um…well, they’re kids, let’s allow them to think that for now. The kids are really pumped about getting to be in a local mattress commercial…really way more pumped about this then they in any way should be.

The glee kids don’t think the script is all that. Their talent is singing, so they all bust out into Van Halen’s “Jump” since it’s mattresses. It’s better than having two songs called “Smile” in this ep. I hate when they try to have all the songs in an episode follow a theme. The mattress store owner is wowed, but now he has to try and purchase the commercial rights to the song. Maybe since this is a local company in a small town they can get away with it without having to buy the rights to the song. No one will have to know. A radio station in my hometown used to do this. They’d play the music to “Dream” by the Crainberries over a the voice of guy telling you how awesome a local bar was. There was also this billboard for an insurance company that I always saw on the drive home from school. It had the characters from the Blondie comic strip. I didn’t think the insurance company paid the Blondie people, but I could also see the Blondie people giving the OK for, like, twelve bucks.

But woe be the business man if Van Halen ever gets wind of this. Not that he will know when their vengeance will strike. He will just come home one day and his wife of twenty five years will tearfully tell him that she is pregnant. He will be surprised, because he thought they were both too old to have children, but still overjoyed. Nine months later, his wife will give birth to quadruplets, four boys. The businessman will work many long hours and weekends to bring in enough money to support his rowdy boys as they grow up. He will give up holidays, vacations, and retirement to sell the mattresses that buy his sons their education and the musical instruments to feed their artistic talents.

Finally, one day when he is in the hospital, recovering from the third heart attack brought on by overwork, his four sons will visit him to wish him well. Maybe for the last time. He isn’t expected to live much longer. But through the clarity brought on by being close to his deathbed, he will finally see. He will see that his four sons, now all strapping 20 year old men with their crazy hair and rock and roll attitude, don’t look anything like him. They look like….

And then he will know the truth.

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Back at home, Will runs his fingers through Terri’s lingerie drawer, as he often does, to find one of the belly pads she wears to look pregnant. Will confronts her in the kitchen and looks like he is about to punch her face through the wall. He forces a look under at her belly to see that she is not pregnant. Terri tearfully confesses that she had an hysterical pregnancy and has been faking it ever since to keep Will from leaving her. I can understand Terri’s fear. He has been flirting with Emma for the entire run of the show so far and he did bring a woman he went to high school with onto glee club because he was still attracted to her. Terri explains that she planned to adopt Quinn’s baby without Will knowing. I still haven no idea how she could have pulled off that plan.

Will sleeps in the glee room. He sees the mattresses the kids were compensated with for their commercial. Hey, that’s convenient! I like that the mattress owner was so impressed by them he sent a bunch of mattresses to the school. Considering the price of a mattress, that’s more than the kids could have expected to be paid in cash.

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Sue has another Sue’s Corner on the local news. She advocates that one day a year, ugly and fat people should stay in their homes. She sees the mattress commercial during the break.

Now New Directions is in trouble. By accepting payment, the glee club is no longer considered amateurs, which bars them from competing in Sectionals. And they can’t return all the mattresses because Will slept in one, which makes it unreturnable. I think the store owner would be fine with taking it back, I mean, it’s not like he’s losing any money on it, he gave it away for free. Sue doesn’t even let news of Will’s upcoming divorce sway her from wanting to take down glee club. If anything, Sue hopes she can take some credit for it.

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Quinn saves the day. She shows up in Sue’s office in her cheerleading uniform and wants to be let back into Cheerios. Sue is, like, you are pregnant so no. Quinn threatens to turn Sue in for all the free goodies the cheer team has been given over the years if she doesn’t back down against glee club’s mattress scandal. Quinn also makes Sue give one of the six pages in the yearbook that were set aside for Cheerios to glee club. Sue is impressed by Quinn, who reminds her of her younger self and agrees to Quinn’s demands. But Quinn doesn’t really want back on the cheer team. “I don’t want to be on a team where I only appear to belong,” she tells Sue. “I’d rather be on a club that’d want to have me, like glee club.”

Will accepts a ban from going to Sectionals, since he used one of the mattresses. This allows the kids to compete and they are happy to all pose for their 2009 photo, which is immediately defaced. Man, that yearbook was published really quickly.

Grade: B

I liked this episode for the most part. The kitchen scene bothered me because after Will grabbed Terri’s wrist, I totally expected him to beat the shit out of her. He was just so freaking angry and was backing Terri into a corner that I was afraid the show would go there. And beating women is not funny. Now rape…rape can be very funny. But beating women, no.

Best Musical Number:

“Jump” – Van Halen. Performed by New Directions