Glee: 122 “Journey to Regionals”

Season 1 Episode 22
Airdate: June 8, 2010

Porpoise of Life name: “The Final Battle”
Issue of the Week: Childbirth

Alright, 11 months later, I’m reviewing the first season finale. Sue will be one of the judges for Regionals. Will is worried because the glee club has to win or place at the competition, or they will be disbanded. So sayeth Principal Figgins.

We flashback to the night Puck and Quinn made their baby. Today, Quinn is almost ready to deliver. She is in Will’s kitchen and I was worried they are now dating, but then it is revealed that the glee kids are all at his house for a pizza party. Man, I seriously prefer pizza parties to alcohol parties. I don’t care how lame that makes me sound. Anyone who has read this site for more than a few days should get a pretty good picture of how lame I am.

The kids cry because, with Sue as a judge, they are fated to lose. Tina says that thanks to glee club, she has friends on Facebook other than her parents. I’m glad the kids have moved to Facebook. In the first episode, Will lamented that the kids still use Myspace. And I wasn’t sure whether that was a dig at Myspace or Fox made the producers mention Myspace since they own the website. Of all the weirdness that is Glee, I found the idea that a teen in 2009 would be using Myspace the most impossible thing to buy.

Back at school, Will asks Emma for help/sex. Emma tells him that she has started to date her dentist. “He’s very impressed by my oral hygiene,” says Emma. That’s a double entendre worthy of Tobias Fünke! Emma confirms she is still a virgin because Will asked because Will is like that.

Will gets into his car and is ready to drive off a bridge when a Journey song comes on the radio, giving him hope. Will is like, “Oh shit, we were supposed to be rehearing that song all year.”

Meanwhile, Finn tells Rachel that it is up to them to rally the glee club together. Rachel then kisses Finn. So, they are dating at this point, right? I forgot if they’re together.

In the glee room, Will tells the kids that they have to make the most of Regionals no matter what and that they will perform a medley of Journey songs. And we have two days to rehearse!

It’s time for Regionals. Kickass Blow Job is up first with a mash-up of songs by Olivia Newton-John and Josh Grobin, who just happen to be two of the judges. That’s a blatant suck up move because any other judge would have deducted points for the stupid music.

Back stage, Finn tells Rachel, “I love you.” So they are dating currently, right? I know it’s hard for guys to come out say that.

New Directions wows the room with Journey. The crowd goes wild and people start having sex in the audience. Doesn’t matter if you know the person or if its boy or girl, when Journey plays you gotta get naked.

After they finish their set, Quinn is surprised to see her mother backstage, who tells her that her father has been having an affair with “some tattooed freak” who goes by the name of “Bombshell” McGee. Quinn’s mom wants her to come back home (she was kicked out in a previous episode) but then Quinn goes into labor.

Vocal Adrenaline goes last. They sing “Bohemian Rhapsody” as Quinn is delivering her baby. Both are very painful.

After the performances have concluded, the judges go to their judging room. Rachel asks her mother, the Vocal Adrenaline coach, to coach New Directions so they can be together. Rachel’s mom says she is tired of coaching glee and wants to step down and start a family, but not with Rachel. “Frankly if adoption wasn’t an option, I would have had you aborted,” she says. “Just gotta tell it like it is!”

In addition to Sue, Olivia Newton-John, and Josh Grobin, that TV anchor guy is the fourth coach. The other three gang up on Sue because she is not as famous as them. Sue is frustrated that they are not showing her due respect. I imagine no one who isn’t Principal Figgins does.

Vocal Adrenaline wins. New Directions comes in third.

Back at the hospital, Quinn and Puck are admiring their little bastard. Rachel’s mom approaches them and offers to adopt their baby. How’s that for a kick in Rachel’s nutsack?

Returning to McKinley, the glee club faces disbandment because they failed to place at Regionals. I thought they came in third. Isn’t that placing? Were there were only three clubs competing? Oh. You’d think there would be more.

It is revealed to the viewers that Sue voted for New Directions. Sue secretly wants glee club to stick around even though she hates them publicly. Sue threatened to dry rape Figgins unless he restored funding to the glee club, allowing our heros t fight another day. I wonder if the have-to-place-or-be-disbanded story was thought up in case the show was cancelled in its first season. If Glee had not been a hit, this episode would have been way more depressing.

The kids are overjoyed that they have another year. Will and Puck sing “Over the Rainbow” as the episode concludes. We can all look forward to seeing our heroes again in season 2. Well, except for the kid who is black or possibly Samoan.

Grade: A+

I didn’t care for most of the episode, but man that ten minute Journey medley gave me my first erection in over a year.

Best Musical Number:

Journey’s Greatest Hits – Journey. Performed by New Directions

Kurt’s Best Outfit:

Glee episode 122