Glee: 2.04 “Duets”

Season 2 Episode 4
Airdate: October 12, 2010

Bad news. Puck is not present due to a contract dispute with the producers being in juvie for stealing an ATM.  As a replacement, Twink boy has joined the glee club.

The lesson this week is duets. “A great duet is like a great marriage,” says Will. What does Will know about a great marriage? He may as well compare duets to childbirth. The glee club is going to have a duet competition, and the wining team will get a gift certificate to Fazoli’s Breadstix. Kurt eyes Twink for a partner as he suspects the blonde boy is a gay.

Later in Brittany’s room, Santana and she are making out. Brittany assumes this makes them girlfriends and they will duet together.

But Santana puts the stomp down on that assumption, saying she is not in love with a girl, but merely needs to be with someone while Puck is locked up. “I need something warm beneath me or I can’t digest my food,” Santana tells a disappointed Brit.

Santana wants Mercedes to be her partner, as Mercedes is a better singer. Mercedes does not see what the big deal about the prize. Santana says that Breasdstix offers unlimited breadsticks and that is kickass. OK, so it really is like Fazoli’s. Just say Fazoli’s. I bet Fazoli’s would have loved to pay for promotion on one of the most popular shows in TV.

Rachel and Finn rehearse their song, which is “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” the classic duet between Elton John and some other woman. When they are done, Rachel had a realization. “I’m not really a nice person,” she says “I’m selfish.” No shit, girlfriend.

“You’re so kind and open,” Rachel says to Finn, which is not at all accurate. Rachel is confident that she and Finn will win, but wants to throw the competition. Twink boy will feel like he belongs in glee club if he wins and Rachel wants Twink in glee club for her the good of the team.

Brittany surprises Artie by wanting to be his girlfriend. Tina recently broke up with him to date within her own race, but Brit is definitely an upgrade. Artie allows Brit to wheel him around, which is like getting to second base with a paraplegic. But this is really a scheme to make Santana jealous.

Finn tries to convince Twink and Kurt to not be duet partners because it will lead people to think Twink is gay. But so will Finn sitting at crotch level while Twink’s fly is open.

Twink boy doesn’t buy Finn’s argument and is confident, until he is slusheed by two football players. Quinn cleans him up. They discuss the fact that they both saw the movie Avatar. “You have pretty eyes,” Twink says in the Na’vi language and then acts surprised when Quinn doesn’t understand him. Hey, nerd, just because she’s seen Avatar doesn’t mean she spent hours online learning the made up language of those asshole blue cat aliens. That’s it, I’m coming into this episode to steal your lunch money and give you a wedgie.

Hey, remember how Burt, played by the angel Gabriel, MIKE O’MALLEY, was in a coma? It was one episode ago. Well, he’s out of it after week. The doctor in that episode said he had no oxygen to his brain for several minutes, but he bounced back alright. Anyway, Kurt tells his dad about Finn not wanting him to duet with a boy. “Maybe Finn has a point” says Burt, played by the best ingredient in a Subway sandwich, MIKE O’MALLEY, who tells Kurt that the way he expressed his crush on Finn last year was really inappropriate.

Mercedes and Santana sing “River Deep  – Mountain High” the Ike and Tina Turner song. I hope Mercedes is singing the Tina part, because she is a black woman with a booming singing voice. Santana should sing the Ike part because she likes to beat people up.

Kurt lets Twink boy out of their partnership because Burt, played by the inventor of Legos, MIKE O’MALLEY, told Kurt to do that and Burt’s word is law. Kurt does a duet by himself, a song from Victor Victoria. Which I suppose suits Kurt. You know, Priscilla, Queen of the Desert had a lot of songs in it too. I’m just saying.

Twink asks Quinn to be his duet partner. He also comes onto her because he knows the girl who got pregnant has to be pretty easy. Quinn turns him down.

The Asian sensations sing “Sing” from Coraline. That movie was awesome, but I don’t remember it having songs. Maybe the Broadway show it was based off was a musical. You know what my favorite part of Coraline was? It was when Coraline threw her cat at the witch to get away.  That is such an awesome attack move. If some bad guy ever comes after me, that’s what I am going to do, throw my cat at him. It’s so perfect! Cats have five really sharp ends and are easy to throw.

This is Mike’s first song.

Finn yells at Twink for trying to kiss Quinn. “Major glee party foul dude” yells Finn. “She’s mine, when I’m in the mood!” I mean, he didn’t say that last part out loud, but it’s definitely what he was thinking. However, Rachel said Twink needs to with Quinn to win this, so Finn works over Twink and Rachel talks to Quinn until Twink and Quinn become a team.

Artie is with Brittany in her bedroom, trying to work on their song. Artie has to leave because he admits that he isn’t over Tina. Brittany says she can get him over Tina. Then she picks him up and sets him on her bed. “Am I about to lose my virginity?” says Artie. Depends on what you mean by virginity. I mean, you were just set onto the bed like a little baby. I still maintain that Artie and Brittany did not have sex here. Brittany just rubbed his belly because that is as far south as he has any feeling.

Finn and Rachel’s plan to throw the contest is to do a bad song. But not just a bad song, an offensive song. What counts as too offensive for glee club? They did “Push It” in front of the entire school. Rachel and Finn sing a love song while dressed as a priest and nun. The entire glee club is offended, because teenagers have tremendous respect for the Catholic Church. “I seriously wanted to punch both of you,” says Quinn. That means nothing. Quinn always wants to punch those two.

Quinn and Twink boy go next with a Jason Mraz song. I think they should be shot for that choice, but the glee club likes it.

Artie breaks up with Brittany, because he is under the mistaken idea he can do better. Well, maybe he could get with a really hot girl who is also in a wheelchair. Santana told Artie that Brittany only used him to win the Breadstix coupons so she could share a strand of spaghetti The Lady and the Tramp style. Artie drops out of the contest.

Twink boy and Quinn win the Breadstix dinner. After he is able to convince her that he is not gay, Quinn wants to save the coupon for second date. The important moment here was Brittany trying to roll a meatball with her nose.

Rachel wants to sing a proper duet with Kurt. The episode ends with a mash-up of “Happy Days are Here Again” and “Get Happy”.

Grade: B+

Best Song: “River Deep  – Mountain High” — Ike & Tina Turner. Performed by Mercedes and Santana

Kurt’s Best Outfit: