Glee: 201 “Audition”

Season 2 Episode 1
Airdate: September 21, 2010

Porpoise of Life name: “If Glee Was a Movie, This Would be the Less Impressive Sequel”
Issue of the Week: Jealousy

Glee 201

Yeah, Glee knows its audience.

Glee 201

Jewfro is filing a report for the Israel Broadcasting Authority about the glee club. He fills us in on what happened to the members during summer break (Rachel got bangs).

The viewers should quickly realize that most of Jewfro’s questions come from posts that viewers have made on message boards, such as why they use Autotune so much and why won’t Will stop rapping.

Glee 201

Jewfro tries to talk to Kurt as he walks into the wrong bathroom. Jewfro says people hate them and Kurt is all like, “If you have something to say to me. Don’t post it anonymously on the internet like a coward, say it to my face.” As if fans of the show are cowards for not going through the time and expense to fly to California to personally tell Chris Colfer our opinions on each episode. As someone who spends 18 hours a day at my computer, I take this personally.

Man, television writers must be the most insecure people in the world if this is how they open the second season of Glee. Glee is a hit, you don’t have anything to prove guys. It was #38 in the ratings for the 2009-10 season, which is super awesome for a new show. That’s better than The Office (#52), or anything on NBC that isn’t football. How I Met Your Mother finished in 45th place. When Glee was moved to Tuesday, it was #1 in its timeslot, beating Lost. Clearly, lots of people like Glee. And the people who are fans of Glee are the ones who are posting critical comments on the internet. People who don’t like Glee won’t bother with that. They just call Glee “that gay show on after American Idol.”

The Simpsons did the same thing several years ago, they’d take little swipes at the fans who discussed the show online because, even though they watched the show each week, the fact that they didn’t think every single part of an episode was awesome makes them assholes. The Simpsons began doing this, by the way, when the show started to suck. So, this bodes well for Glee.

Glee 201

The students are signing up for clubs, but no one has signed up for glee club, also known as New Directions. Sue brags about the long line of girls who want to join Cheerios, the championship cheer team she coaches, despite her No Fatties rule. No fatties? This is the Midwest. I can buy the random singing and costumes and sets that appear out of nowhere, but it stretches believability too far to suggest that you can ban fat girls and still have enough people to put together a cheer team in Ohio.

Glee 201

Will worries that Jewfro’s blog is spreading the bad word about glee club. And since Matt (who?) transferred/was fired over the summer, the glee club needs one more member or they will not be allowed to compete. To garner interest in glee, the kids perform in the school square or outdoor cafeteria. I don’t know what you call this part of a school. My high school never had an area like this, or as many steps. High schools on television are always on a nicer campus than my high school. And my college.

The kids perform “Empire State of Mind” because the glee national competition will be in New York City this year and the show loves to show the kids failing at rap. Do you ever notice that just about every time the glee kids all sing together, they sound like Kidz Bop? The autotune, hyper-youthful, almost Chipmunk-like vocals, and censoring of swear words always make me think of those commercials. Hell, two songs from this episode appear in Kidz Bop 18.

Kidz Bop Glee Edition

During the song, Rachel looks at a little Latin girl while Finn eyes a twink. Finn follows the twink to the boys locker room and watches him sing in the shower. Mostly, Finn just wants to watch him shower.

Glee 201

Rachel finds the Latin girl in the bathroom. Her name is Sunshine and she is a foreign exchange student from the Philippines. Rachel thinks Sunshine does not know English, so she says the to her, “You like me sing! You like me sing very much!” Yeah, if she can’t understand English, she isn’t going to understand broken English shouted at her.

The two girls sing Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” together, until Sue enters and tells them to shut up, just like I do at the TV all the time when I watch Glee.

Looks like the producers are going to compliment Santana by adding another Hispanic girl. Okay, okay, I know some of our dumber readers will insist that Sunshine is Asian because they went to the stupid kid’s school and think the Philippines are near China somewhere. We’ve been over this before with Manny from Degrassi. The Philippines are in Latin America. If the Philippines are in Asia, then why do all of the Philipinians practice Catholicism and have Spanish names?

Philippines

Look at this map. The Philippines are clearly in Latin America. They are just east of Puerto Rico.

Glee 201

Finn convinces the Twink to try out for glee club. Puck is happy to know this boy can fit a lot of balls in his mouth. Twink leads the guys (of course Kurt is not there) on some song I have never heard before, which happens to me an average of three times per Glee episode. Puck is really falling for this new kid, he keeps looking at the blonde young man with an “I’m in love” smirk. I am not the only one who noticed this. Ten minutes after this episode aired, over 35,000 Puck-Twink slashfictions hit the internet, causing Tumblr and Livejournal to temporarily go offline.

Glee 201

The budget for cheer team and glee club have been cut by ten percent so the football team can have some money. This surprises Will and Sue but is par for the course for us in the real world. The football team has a new coach, Coach Beiste, who was never a member of the East German Olympic team. Sue and Will form an alliance to bring down the coach. Sue’s first scheme is to order a bunch of pizzas in Coach Beiste’s name. That’s it? Sue is off her A game. She was probably on vacation in Kurdistan in August and hasn’t gotten back into the swing of destroying other people in the school.

The prank backfires because the football team gets to have a pizza party. And pizza parties are the best parties. I have been over 21 for a few years now, and I will always choose pizza over booze for fun party times.

In the teacher’s lounge, Will is reading comics when Coach Beiste comes in. However, neither Sue nor Will will let her sit with them. Sue and Will are sitting alone at separate tables. They don’t just dislike Coach, they pretty much hate all of the faculty.

Glee 201

Artie wants to tryout for the football team to win back his ex-girlfriend. Over the summer, Tina dumped him for Other Asian when they were counselors at Asian Camp, which is a summer camp for little Asian kids to learn how to excel at math and computers and keep an eye on the black customers in their stores. Artie doesn’t understand why Tina broke up with him. I mean, sure Other Asian is more attractive and mobile, and sure, Artie does say misogynistic things to Tina every day, but he has some positive qualities…I think…

Hey, I am pretty sure those people can get the government to pay for a van with the automatic lift thing. Those vans are sweet. And Artie can get on Social Security Disability. He’ll never have to work a day in his life if he can live off $6000 a year. He can live in his spacious van.

Artie gets Finn to back up his request to Coach Beiste. Beiste thinks this is more of Will and Sue fucking with her, so she cuts Finn from the team. Finn is all, “Dude!” And Coach Beiste thinks Finn is calling her a man. I always thought dude was gender neutral, like calling someone a firefighter or a cocksucker.

Glee 201

Quinn is back on Cheerios. Finn also wants to tryout for the cheer team because he is desperate to be in a sport. He does some of his awful dancing. I would provide a screencap, but Finn’s dancing is too disturbing to show on a family website.

Santana has been demoted due to Sue learning she got boob job over the summer. Can you even get that surgery if you are under 18? Santana must have gone to Mexico or someplace down there. I bet she had a hell of a time getting back into the United States,

Quinn was the person who told Sue this, so Quinn and Santana fight until Will breaks them up. This catfight could have been hotter. I mean it’s two girls in cheer uniforms, but we didn’t see any pantie and no one got their top torn off. Totally wasn’t worth unzipping my fly for.

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Rachel has second thoughts and doesn’t want Sunshine on glee club. Sunshine is a really good singer and Rachel does not want to be challenged for her position of glee club star/person most hated by the other members. So she gives Sunshine directions to a crack house instead of the rehearsal hall. Rachel tried to kill a person.

Neither of the new kids show up for glee club’s first meeting. Twink doesn’t want to get in trouble with Coach Beiste like Finn did and Sunshine is getting raped in the mouth by a crackhead. I don’t know what the glee club is going to do. All I know is, Kurt can’t wait around any longer as he is late for a bondage session.

Glee 201

Sue’s next plan to bring down Coach Beiste is to get Britanny to accuse the coach of molesting her. Principal Figgins shows Britanny a doll that looks like a cheerleader and asks where on the doll did Coach Beiste touch her. They have a cheerleader doll because lots of cheerleaders get molested, I guess. However, Will gets Brittany to admit, “I made it up. Coach Beiste didn’t touch my boobs. Actually, I really want to touch her boobs.”

Fun fact: the actress who plays Coach Beiste also played the gym teacher on Lizze McGuire. I only found that out by looking at her IMDB page. I was never a fan of Lizze McGuire. No, sir. I certainly didn’t watch it everyday after school and learn so much about my sexuality along the way.

Glee 201

Sunshine is asked again to join glee club and she sings a song from Dreamgirls, a movie I probably should have seen by now. However, Sunshine decides to transfer schools and sing for Vocal Adrenaline, New Directions’ arch-rival, due to Rachel being mean to her. Also, the kids in Vocal Adrenaline each get a free Range Rover. The new director of Vocal Adrenaline is played by a guy who also appeared on 30 Rock as one of Liz Lemon’s boyfriends. Since Glee is a hit and 30 Rock has a one-in-three chance of being cancelled to make room for that dumb show about an Indian call center, he made a smart move by going to this show.

Twink is the new quarterback. Too bad for Finn. Last year he thought he got a girl pregnant, but it turned out to be another man’s baby, then this year he got cut from the football team. If his mother dies next season, if one more shitty thing happens to him, I see Finn snapping and bringing a gun to school. These high school shows tend to put more stress on their teens than any real life teenager could bear. Teenagers are fragile. So very fragile.

Grade: C-

Kind of a disappointing start to the new season. Episodes of any TV show where a bunch of new characters have to be introduced are almost always sub-par.

At least Betty White wasn’t in this episode. If Betty White ever makes an appearance on Glee, I will fly down to LA and punch Chris Colfer in the balls.

Best Musical Number:

“Every Rose Has Its Thorn” – Bon Jovi? Performed by Twink. He was only singing in the shower and there was no accompanying music and it only lasted about 20 seconds. But I didn’t really like the song choices for this episode.

Kurt’s Best Outfit:

Outfit 201

Mercedes: “Is that a mens’ sweater?”

Kurt: “Fashion has no gender.” And neither does Kurt.