Glee: 203 “Grilled Cheesus”

Season 2 Episode 3
Airdate: October 5, 2010

Porpoise of Life name: “Jesus”
Issue of the Week: Jesus

Glee 203

Finn is home alone. Instead of doing what a normal teen boy does when his mom is away, sit around in his underwear, order a pizza, and masturbate, Finn makes grilled cheese sandwich in a George Foreman grill. I don’t know why he make a grilled cheese in a George Foreman grill. There’s not a lot of fat in bread and cheese. God, Finn is dumb. If it wasn’t for that butt of his, he’d have nothing.

Finn sees the image of Jesus in his sandwich. He calls it a Grilled Cheesus, a word that will live on in the trending topics on Twitter for a week and a half.

Finn starts praying to his sandwich. He asks God for a victory in their next football game. The team wins by Finn pushing Artie down the field to score a touch down, even though they are nowhere near the fork thing. Maybe you get points in football for going a certain distance without getting tackled. I don’t know football.

Meanwhile, Burt, Kurt’s dad–played by the holy MIKE O’MALLEY–wants Kurt to be home for Friday night dinner with Finn and his mom. But Kurt has to do something gay, and Burt is disappointed. But doesn’t Finn have football on Friday night? So they can’t even get together for dinner until the season is over anyway, right?

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In the next glee practice, Finn starts to preach about how he has found Jesus (and he was delicious) and wants to sing about him. Rachel is shocked. Puck is also shocked. The director went to the two Jews for shocked expressions. Kurt is also not happy, saying, “Most churches don’t think very much of gay people…or women…or science.” Which is true, but the glee kids all think he is an asshole for pointing that out.

Puck wants to get in on Finn’s Godness (and Rachel’s pants) by singing a Billy Joel song. Rachel says that is stupid. “Are you calling Mr. Billy Joel stupid?” Puck asks. I am. Billy Joel is stupid. Puck sings “Only the Good Die Young” and the glee club dances along, except for Kurt (and technically Artie). Kurt is not into Billy Joel. Good for Kurt.

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Tragedy! Burt, played by the luscious MIKE O’MALLEY, collapses at work. Kurt is being catty in French class when Emma gives him the news and he goes to the hospital. Burt, played by the shantasmic MIKE O’MALLEY, is a coma. He suffered lack of oxygen to his brain. Don’t worry, he’ll be all better next episode. You’d think since he had no oxygen going to the brain and went into a coma, he’d suffer pretty severe brain damage, but no.

I know if Degrassi gave me a plot hole this big, I’d spend the entire episode review bitching about it. I admit, I am a lot harder on Degrassi, even though Glee is about as logically challenged most weeks. I guess I go easy on Glee because I actually enjoy watching it.

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Back home, Finn prays again to Grilled Cheesus, asking God to let him touch Rachel’s boobs. “Her boobs aren’t that great,” he tells his sandwich. Blasphemy! Don’t you dare speak ill of the body of Rachel Berry, she is immaculate. Finn is a heretic and should be punished as such.

By the way, are Finn and Kurt not living together anymore? I guess not, because Finn only found about about Burt, played by the sexy woman MIKE O’MALLEY, the next day in the glee room.

Mercedes tries to cheer Kurt up with a song I assumed was by Mariah Carey, but Wikipedia tells me is Whitney Houston. Close enough. Kurt doesn’t want in on the religiousness, telling everyone he is an atheist. Suddenly he becomes the jerk of the room when he points out that you can’t prove there is a God. Quinn yells out that he should not say that. Quinn’s religiousness came out of nowhere. I guess she is a hard core Christian again. She wasn’t one for the nine month span she was an unwed, pregnant teenager, but she has forgotten about that and can go back to being judgemental and closed minded.

Sue puts an end to the glee club singing religious songs, saying it is a matter of separation of church and state. That’s not how the separation of church and state policy works, and the club hasn’t actually sang any religious songs, but Sue is the villain. Of course, Sue is an atheist. Sue explains to Emma that she doesn’t believe in God because her big sister is retarded with Downs, and was picked on at school. Sue prayed to God to help her sister, but God did not answer. Sue knows how to hold a grudge. She’ll get even with God one of these days.

Sue gets Kurt to back her up. The glee club can’t sing religious songs and get mad at Kurt. I like how the members of glee club are all super religious now and have forgotten about Kurt’s situation and think he’s an asshole. That’s not an inaccurate depiction of how many Christians in the US think.

You want to hear a real example of skirting the Establishment Clause? When I was a kid, this Baptist jerkoff from Alabama or Mississippi or somewhere paid to send a video about Jesus to every household in the Upper Peninsula. There are around 90,000 homes in the UP, so it took a lot of postage stamps. They even gave copies to kids at school. We were told this wasn’t a violation of the First Amendment because the videos were given out after school by volunteers (who were school staff) and no one was forced to accept a video. To entice us kids, the videos were bundled with a bags of candy and Mountain Dew. I hated Mountain Dew, but wasn’t going to pass up free candy. My mom threw the Jesus video away.

I asked Johnny if he remembered this. His dad was on the school board at the time and told me one woman complained at a meeting. He also sees copies of the tape at Goodwill. No one in the entire UP sued, as far as I know. But this is Upper Peninsula of Michigan, where no one really cares about anything. I was kind of annoyed that someone in the deep South had this desire to preach to us, as if we had no idea who Jesus was. Maybe he thought the UP was a part of Canada inhabited by Eskimos (he would not be the only person to have assumed such).

I just find it weird when these Evangelicals feel like they have to spread Christ’s message to people who have already heard it. This is the United States, where 80% of the country identifies as Christian, and I guarantee you every single person here has heard about Jesus Christ. So when people in the US try to push their Christian BS on you, it’s because they don’t think you are Christian enough for their tastes or think whatever denomination you belong to is wrong. It’s incredibly insulting if you are a religious American, as was for most of my life.

Didn’t spreading Christianity used to involve going to far off lands and introducing the Bible to people who had never heard of it before? Now it’s Baptist dudes on the street forcing my ten-year-old self to accept a comic book about going to Hell. I guess missionaries started running out of places that had never heard of Jesus sometime in the 1950s. There are remote islands in the Pacific full of Polynesians who all attend the same Presbyterian church. I do find it funny that there are Protestant and Mormon missionaries working in Latin America. That’s just a great big “F you” to the Catholic Church, isn’t it?

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Finn got to touch Rachel’s boobs. He did not deserve to, Finn doesn’t appreciate them. In the locker room, Finn prays to Grilled Cheesus to make him quarterback once again. I like that Finn thinks his sandwich will answer his prayers, but he doesn’t pray for Kurt’s dad to get better.

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Kurt is annoyed to see the glee kids praying over Burt, played by the answer to my prayers, MIKE O’MALLEY. Since the glee kids all belong to different denominations they thought God would listen to one of them. Kurt tells them to leave.

I’m with Kurt here. That’s actually incredibly rude. I was very religious when I was Kurt’s age, and I would have been offended if people from a different church were doing this to my dad. It’s incredibly disrespectful.

It’s like this: We have a lot of different faiths in America, so to keep this country from turning into Northern Ireland, we’ve all signed on to this social contract where I won’t try to impose my religious beliefs on you and you don’t impose your views on me. That is unless you are Baptist, Catholic, or Mormon and the matter concerns abortion or gays. Then you have to push to make your dumb beliefs the law. I swear, if it wasn’t for Scientology, those three faiths would all be neck and neck for stupidest major religion in this country. As it stands now, they each get a runner up trophy.

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There is another football game. The Twink boy who was made quarterback in the season premiere is seriously injured on a play. You see, Twink is the quarterback but he ran with the ball down the field like a running back and was tackled by a tackler. I’m learning. Now Finn is back at the quarterback position. The cheese sandwich has answered his prayers.

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In the glee room, Kurt sings The Beatles’ “I Want to Hold Your Hand” about his dad. We see flashback to Kurt as a little kid, and Burt, played by the world’s #1 dad, MIKE O’MALLEY, looking the same back then as he does now. I guess Burt, played by the immortal MIKE O’MALLEY, looked like a 50-year-old man when he was in his early 30s and hasn’t aged since.

Interesting story about the kid who plays young Kurt: the actor is 13 but playing 8. He’s the Gary Oldman of Kurt Hummel look-a-likes.

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Finn is worried that God injured Twink boy and goes to Emma for help. How could Emma help him? Emma explains away each of Finn’s cheese wishes using logic. You see, the tackler who injured Twink was 23 and on steroids. Finn is so shocked that his sandwich was not a channel to God that he has a crisis of faith and sings REM’s “Losing My Religion.” Some annoying fans have pointed on this song has nothing to do with religion. “Losing my religion” it is in fact a Southern phrase about losing one’s temper. I would like to point out that 1) No one cares what a bunch of inbred Klansmen use as folk sayings 2) The music video contains lots of religious imagery 3) Most songs on this episode aren’t actually about religion.

Mercedes invites Kurt to her church. Mercedes implied she can’t be his friend if he is an atheist. Kurt agrees to go as long as it is not too long. Too long? You’re going to a black church. You’re not leaving till Monday morning, and you’re getting a workout. Kurt at least likes all the funky hats the black women and he wears. Mercedes leads the choir in “Bridge over Troubled Water.”

Meanwhile, Sue visits her big sister, who is infected with full blown Downs. Sue’s big sister believes in God and tells Sue to pray with her. Sue and Kurt realize they are the only atheists in Ohio and give into the pressure to believe in something. Because you have to believe in something! Why do I have to? Because you just do!

The episode ends with the kids singing “One of Us”, the song about God being one of us. Finn comes to terms with his grilled cheese sandwich and eats it. I don’t think it is safe to eat at this point. It’s almost two weeks old and he had it in the locker room.

Grade: D-

Whatever your religious beliefs are, there was something controversial to be found in this episode. I was more offended by the Britney Spears episode from last week. The notion that of all female pop stars of the last thirty years, that one whose career declined after three years and can’t even really sing deserved a tribute episode is ridiculous. The Madonna episode I understand. Madonna isn’t a stellar singer, but she can sing well and she’s had a tremendous impact on popular culture. Britney’s impact has mostly been as material for late night talk show hosts. And South Park did a much better Britney episode.

Best Musical Number:

“Losing My Religion” – REM. Performed by Finn

Kurt’s Best Outfit:

Outfit 203