Glee: 209 “Special Education”

Season 2 Episode 9
Airdate: November 30, 2010

Porpoise of Life name: “Sectionals II”
Issue of the Week: Learning about yourself…I think

So, Will invites Emma to glee club’s Sectionals competition. Emma predicts that Will will have Rachel and Finn do everything, like they have done at every competition so far. Emma is a polite soul, so this is the harshest way she can tell Will to fuck off.

Will responds by changing the club’s performance. Instead of Rachel and Finn getting the duet, Sam and Quinn will. Instead of Rachel getting the solo, Santana will. Rachel, and to a lesser extent Finn, are outraged.

Kurt is now attending the all boys prep school that is super cool with gays because every one of these boys act like one. As the newest member of this fancy glee club, Kurt has to take care of the club’s pet canary, or I guess it’s a warbler, whatever the hell bird that is. I think this glee club is called the Warblers. I prefer to call them the Preppy Prancing Pansies, because they are.

OK, so Rachel is shocked to learn that Santana “got it on” with Finn last year. I thought she already knew that. Didn’t he date, like, three or four girls besides Rachel last year?

Rachel takes Finn to Emma’s office to work this out, because teenagers love to take their dating issues to the guidance counselor. Emma is like “um..maybe you should sing about it?” Emma is not helpful. Rachel says she wants to slap Finn, to which Emma replies, “Maybe you should storm out?” And Rachel does. Emma then asks Finn if he would like to talk. Emma just wants to be alone with Finn.

Brittany is nervous. She and Other Asian are going to dance at Sectionals and she doesn’t know if she can do it. Artie, who is still her boyfriend, gives her his comb. He tells the dull girl it is a magic comb and it will help her dance. Good for Artie. A less chivalrous boyfriend would have told Brittany he has a lucky cock, and if Brittany sucks hard on it every day, his magic semen will give her the power to shine on stage.

To protest the fact that she will not get a solo for once in two years, Rachel has placed duct tape over her mouth. I mean, she can remove the duct tape pretty easily, and can still speak, so it’s as half-assed as most student protests are. We want the US to get out of Iraq. What do we do? Let’s occupy the lobby of the university administration building for an afternoon. That will send a message straight to the White House!!

Rachel says everyone else is threatened by her talent. God, Rachel can be a cunt sometimes. Will tells her to stop being such a cunt (I paraphrase here, but not much). I like how in the first season, Quinn was the bitch and Rachel was the victim. In season 2, Rachel is the bitch and every other kid is the victim.

Glee club needs a twelfth member to be allowed to compete. Puck makes the mistake of asking some football players to join, and they lock him in a port-a-potty for 24 hours. The football players don’t mind if their bullying results in someone’s death.

Puck is rescued by that big girl. I’m not sure what her name is. I know she was the AV club head and was way too into Twilight. Anyway, she joins glee club, giving them enough members to compete in Sectionals. I just know that hewe in this scene, Will is trying his best to resist saying, “Yeah, with her, we have a 12th and13th member!”

Tina approaches Artie. She thinks Other Asian (her boyfriend) is cheating on her with Brittany (Artie’s honey). Oh no!

Kurt has been invited to audition for a solo spot on the Pansies’ Sectionals performance. He goes to Rachel for help. Hwe wants to sing the Celine Dion song from Titanic. Titanic to Kurt is probably like Jurassic Park was to me, the epic movie that defined his third grade. Rachel instead recommends “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” and the show goes back in forth between the two of them singing the song in their respective schools.

Kurt does not get a solo. Blaine tells Kurt that he needs to focus less on being a star and more on being a team player. Don’t worry about getting noticed, says Blaine. By the way, Blaine is the member who ever sings lead and is the only one we ever notice.

The glee club is getting ready to travel to Sectionals. Emma decides not to come. She says her boyfriend (played by John Stamos) would be jealous. I don’t think John Stamos would be jealous of Will.

Sectionals begin. The first choir is a group of old people getting their GEDs, called the The Hipsters (haha GET IT???!!!) They sing “The Living Years”. That song was released in 1989, so they think it’s the hot new single all the kids are riding their rollerskates to.

The Preppy Prancing Pansies are next. They sing “Hey, Soul Sister” and Blaine sings lead. I guess Blaine got the solo. Blaine gets all the solos on every song this group sings. So much for being part of a team and not trying to stand out. Blaine only told Kurt that so Kurt wouldn’t try to upstage him.

Backstage, the glee club is at each other’s throats. Well, Rachel and Finn are. No one else really cares.

Artie learns that Brittany was not cheating because she confesses she lost his magic comb. Artie tells her the comb was not really magic. Good thing it’s not. If a monkey finds that magic comb, we’re all going to find ourselves transformed into a world where apes rule and hog all the good bananas for themselves.

New Directions is up last. Quinn and Sam sing “I’ve Had The Time of My Life” and then Santana sings “Valerie”.

The Pansies and New Directions tie for the win and will both advance to Regionals. Oh.

Back at Hogwarts, Kurt is concerned that he killed the bird he had to take care of. Blaine says something about the bird getting used to its new surroundings and being safe and protected now. The bird is a dumb metaphor for Kurt. Kurt will die soon.

Back at McKinley High, Will shows Emma the trophy. And Emma shows Will the wedding ring from when she got married to John Stamos in Las Vegas. It seems sudden, but when you grab a hold of perfection, you don’t let that go. I like that Emma has had a spur of the moment marriage about a year after she had another spur of the moment marriage. I hope she gets married and divorced every year. Maybe Will will finally have a shot with her after she marries Figgins, the Puck, then hates men for a while and marries Beiste for six months.

Rachel confesses to Finn that she made out Puck, but Puck backed out because he doesn’t want to do this to Finn and Rachel is 70 pounds too light for him. Finn is way too angry over this, considering he made out with Santana and Quinn while he was with Rachel. Finn is a huge asshole.

Tina is happy Other Asian isn’t cheating on her and they celebrate with what they call an “Asian kiss.” An Asian kiss is just like an American kiss, but you have to get your mother’s permission first.

The glee club celebrates their win by singing “Dog Days Are Over”. We see a brief glimpse of John Stamos, which is not nearly enough.

Grade: A+

I gave this one a high mark because I liked all of the song numbers. I wasn’t really into the plot, but as someone who has seen every Glee episode multiple times, I’ve come to accept that the plot never matters with this show.

I do not care about Rachel and Finn. I mean as a couple. I don’t care about them as a couple. Or any other couple on this show. It’s hard to invest in the relationships when you know if a couple breaks up, they’ll each find someone else by the next episode. Oh no, Rachel and Finn broke up. I would feel bad for Rachel, except she and Finn never had any chemistry and Rachel can just get with Puck. Or she can date Other Asian and Tina can hook up with Finn, and everyone will peachy. It doesn’t really matter.

Best Musical Number:

“Valerie” – Amy Winehouse (originally the Zutons). Performed by Santana and the glee club. This was a close one. I really adored all the performances in this episode.

Kurt’s Best Outfit:

Void while he attends Hogwarts.