Season 2 Episode 12
Airdate: February 8, 2011
Porpoise of Life name: “Love”
Issue of the Week: Love
It’s Valentine’s Time and Puck finds himself attracted to that fat girl who is in glee club for some reason. I don’t know her name and am not sure why she is in glee as I haven’t paid much attention to the past dozen or so episodes. Puck is drawn to her fat-titude, which is what I call the personality traits many young fat women share. You know what I mean, the penchant for sarcasm and acting disinterested about everything outside of a buffet. I think it has something to do with popular culture making them feel unattractive so they pretend not to care about anything as a defensive mechanism, Women with fattitude tend to mostly have guy friends, but no boyfriends, and shun traditional femininity.
Now, it’s important to remember that fattitude is only found in white girls. When it’s a big black girl, it’s known as being a “sassy black girl” and is a totally different thing. Queen Latifah got her title because she is the queen of sassy black girls. Cats have something I call cattitude.
Santana never likes it when Puck likes a girl other than her, so she takes it out by being mean to the other glee clubbers. She told Rachel she will wind up in a “Broadway musical version of Willow.” How is that an insult? Willow is fucking awesome.
Puck tries to ask the fat girl out, but she fattitudes him and says, “I spell woman C-I-C-E-S.” Someone tell me what that means.
Over at the fancy prep school of Hogwarts, Kurt is doodling a heart with his and Blaine’s name in it. Except any teenager today would draw him and his crush kissing in anime style. I was in high school when the ‘draw everything anime’ style took off among teenagers, and is still going strong today. Much like posting pictures to the web of yourself drinking underage, it’s just another instance in which kids born in the 1990s are just copying something kids born in the mid-80s started and should probably not be copied.
Blaine addresses the Preppy Prancing Pansies. He is referred to as a “junior member” even though he sings leads in every song. Blaine tells them that he has a crush on a boy and would like the Pansies to go off campus to help serenade his crush.
The other Pansies react in horror that they are asked to step out into the real world. It’s scary out there. I hear they have black people outside. Kurt convinces the Pansies to go, because Kurt think Blaine wants to serenade him. But it turns out Blaine’s crush works at The Gap, which is like Goodwill to these rich people. Kurt is heartbroken.
Kurt has some girl talk with Rachel and Mercedes. Those two girls make the perfect companions for a gay boy. Rachel has a lot of stuffed animals, acts like a girl half her age, and is shy around straight boys. And Mercedes is a sassy black woman.
Finn tries to impress that fat girl by serenading her in the glee room to “Fat Bottomed Girls”. I don’t know how well known Freddie Mercury’s homosexuality was during Queen’s heyday, but I think you could have figured it out by the time they released this single, because who else would write a song about how much fun fat girls are?
Finn has set up a kissing booth, under the guise of raising money for glee club, but his real plan is to get Quinn to kiss him. Finn believes Quinn will instantly fall in love with him and leave Twink boy.
But Rachel lays down a dollar at the booth and they argue. Either Rachel is upset that Finn cheated on her, or Finn is upset that Rachel cheated on him. Between the two of them, they’ve made out with every other member of glee club, so it’s hard to keep track. Or care.
Other Asian expresses amazement that he is actually dating a hot girl, because no one thinks Asian guys are attractive, apparently. I think nerdy Asian boys thinks they are as far down the social ladder as nerdy white boys. They don’t realize that being a nerdy Asian boy puts you on the same step as a cool white boy. God help white boys if they figure that out.
Artie starts singing a Michael Jackson song and Other Asian dances around him. The girls love it.
Santana tries to pick a fight with Fat Bottomed Girl, but FBG kicks her ass. Santana can’t even get a hit in, FBG just throws her into the lockers over and over again. It’s sort of like if a human being tried to fight the Terminator. Coach Beiste comes to Santana’s rescue and yells at FBG, “Knock it off and get going.” and carries Santana away on her shoulders. FBG got off with just a warning. I like how beating up another girl in the hallway didn’t get her expelled.
Quinn gives in and goes to Finn’s kissing booth. Twink boy is there too, because like Kevin Smith, he enjoys watching his girl make out with other guys. Finn and Quinn kiss and fireworks go off. That means they are in love. I like how Finn’s whole plan sounded like the douchiest thing ever, but then it works.
Blaine, Kurt and the rest of the Preppy Prancing Pansies sing to the guy at the Gap who Blaine likes. He looks like Dylan from Degrassi. Dylan is incredibly weirded out by the singing and gets fired because of it. Dylan explains to Blaine that you can’t just bust out singing like that, it annoys people. Also, Dylan could get in trouble if they date because Blaine is a minor and Dylan is an adult and he already got in trouble for that up in Canada.
One of the problems with casting 20-somethings as teenagers is that every character between 14 and 30 sort of melds into looking about 22, so then we have a scene like we just did where one of them is supposed be an adult and the other a kid, it’s hard to buy because they both look the same age.
Santana realizes that Quinn and Finn have a thing for each other, because they were looking at each other, also they’ve dated and broken up about 15 times before. Santana decides to fuck with them for no real reason. Her plan to go to the nurse’s office, kiss a boy with mono (Santana is immune to mono because she is a hussy) and pass it on to Finn. She kisses Finn at his booth and then is all, “Oh my. I hope I don’t have anything contagious.” The only thing missing from Santana is an evil villain laugh while she walks away. Later, Finn and Quinn meet alone and kiss again.
Over at the LIBRARY, Fat Bottomed Girl is still spurring Puck, saying the song he sang to her was offensive. Is “Fat Bottomed Girls” an offensive song? I guess girls don’t like to be called fat. Or she must be referring to the rendition of “Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah” Puck sang to her while in black face. Fox cut that from the broadcast. Ryan Murphy needs to begin to understand what is and what is not appropriate for network TV.
In the glee room, Tina starts to sing a love song but breaks down crying. She keeps trying to sing, even when she is down on the ground in tears. There hasn’t been any scene before to explain why Tina feels bad and she will still be with her boyfriend by the end of this episode, so this scene is sort of out of place and we have no idea know what is up with the poor girl. I just assume Tina is going for some weird performance art. She has been listening to a lot of Bjork lately.
Quinn and Finn come down with mono. In the nurse’s office, Quinn tells Finn she does have feelings for him. but is not going to act on it until she sees how it goes with Twink Boy. That must make Twink Boy feel great.
Later, Rachel speaks to Finn. She is sad that he likes Quinn more than her and says, “Girls like me don’t get chosen over girls like her very much.” Yes they do, Rachel. In any school in the real world, you’d be the hottest girl on campus. And probably a bitch, too.
Rachel sings Katy Perry’s “Firework.” It’s always weird when Rachel sings a song by someone who is a much worse singer than her.
You think that would have been the standard ‘hopeful song to close the episode’, but wait–there’s more! All the single glee kids plus Tina and Other Asian (I still don’t know what was up with her song) head to Breadsticks, which we call Fazoli’s in the real world. The PPP Crew sings Paul McCartney’s “Silly Love Songs” to close the episode. This was a Wings song, which means it’s not any good.
What the hell was Tina’s deal?
Best Musical Number:
“When I Get You Alone” – Robin Thicke. Performed by the Preppy Prancing Pansies