Glee: 219 “Rumours”

Season 2 Episode 19
Airdate: May 03, 2011

Porpoise of Life name: “Fleetwood Mac”
Issue of the Week: Fleetwood Mac

Glee episode 219

The episode opens with Brittany’s webshow, which is about fondue. Roll your eyes if you want, but that’s a way better idea for a website than reviewing Degrassi. There’ll be no shame in being almost 30 and still talking about fondue. Mercedes and Tina are on the webcast as well. “Is this really what they were doing in the 70s?” asks Mercedes. No, they didn’t have Youtube in the 70s.

Oh, she means fondue. Kid, you have to keep in mind that people in the 70s were doing a lot of cocaine and contracting what later turned out to be HIV. On the webshow, Brittany lets it slip that Santana is a lesbian. Now 23 people will know Santana is gay. Mercedes and Tina are surprised but I thought they already knew. Oh well.

Glee episode 219

At school, Rachel asks Twink boy to prom, but he turns her down. Northern European genes are not dominate, so he will have to mate with another blonde to ensure the continuation of the Aryan race. I’m fairly certain that’s why he has only dated Quinn when the other guys with working legs in glee club have gone out with at least three to four girls.

Glee episode 219

Meanwhile, Sue and Terri are in a coffee shop together. I wasn’t paying attention to what they were saying as I was searching Google for pictures of Pokemon in Nazi uniforms. I assume they are planning to destroy glee club and/or Will.

Glee episode 219

Will is grading some papers and not enjoying it. He would rather focus on glee club all day and resents the hour each month he has to spend on his Spanish class. It’s like the teacher who is also the football coach, but wishes he could somehow stop teaching and turn being a high school football coach a full time job. At best, he’ll drop whatever subject he was teaching and get the gym coach position, so he can have the pleasure of yelling at kids and making them run laps during school hours.

April Rhodes makes a surprises appearance. This is great because it’s not like that character totally irritates me.

The glee kids are arguing amongst themselves. The school newspaper published gossip about them because Sue is the editor. April says this is like Fleetwood Mac, they were talented musicians who constantly fought with one another. Just like glee club! Also they had sex with each other. Just like glee club! Will busts out his LP of Rumours. April and Will sing that one song my parents always played while driving, after they finally bought a mini-van with a CD player.

Glee episode 219

Artie confronts Brittany about the rumor that she is gay for Santana. Brittany points out that it doesn’t count if no penises were involved. Artie gets mad and is like, “I will kick Santana’s ass…metaphorically.” Artie slips up and calls Brittany stupid and she runs off crying. Artie then sings a song I don’t like with Puck at guitar.

Glee episode 219

At night, Rachel and Finn spy on Twink Boy to see if Quinn is cheating on Finn with him. They see him talk to Kurt at a motel. A normal person would assume they are just two friends hanging out after school. But Rachel is a fucking nutjob who assumes that Kurt and Twink boy are being gay together. Finn’s mind went to the gay sex theory awfully quick too, now that I think about it.

Glee episode 219

Some of the kids get together for coffee and muffins. Do teenagers drink coffee? I didn’t really drink the stuff until my mid-20s when I had to get up at 5am for work. I’ve noticed that some of the kids have new hairstyles. I assume it is because production took a break, giving the actors the opportunity to do that without messing up continuity. But in the show’s universe, I assume Quinn and Kurt went to the salon together Saturday.

The kids speculate on Kurt having gay sex with Twink boy. I mean, the girls do. Other Asian wants to change the subject. Rachel brings up the point that so many of the glee kids have dated each other and then they name some of the combinations: Finnchel, Artitanny, Puckelberry. I want to know who started the thing where you combine the names of two people who are dating so I can punch that moop right square in the kisser. And screw all those couples. The best pairing is yet to come. That’s right, Fuck. You know you want it to happen. It’s the couple that’s so hot it’s obscene.

Glee episode 219

Santana and Brittany are alone in the glee room where Santana sings her a song. I assume it’s a Fleetwood Mac song. I think every song on this episode is. I understand they are are a legendary band, but I only know, like, three of their songs, and used to think “Landslide” was by the Smashing Pumpkins.

Anyway, Santana can’t muster the courage to come out. So instead of asking her to the prom, Brittany promises to ask her at a later date. To most people, that would means she doesn’t want to go to the prom with you. But who knows with these two nuts?

Rachel confronts Kurt about being all gay with Twink boy, but Kurt politely calls her a dumbass. I found it funny that the kids were more shocked by the thought of Kurt cheating on Blaine than Twink boy being gay.

Glee episode 219

Rachel and Finn spy on Twink boy yet again. I don’t know why they don’t spy on Quinn instead. But it just so happens that they see Quinn at the motel with Twink when they hug. Well obviously they are having sex, because it’s not like platonic friends ever just hug.

Then there’s some more stuff about Sue spreading rumors through her newspaper. I’m going to skip it because I’d rather stay on Brittany and Santana. And I should keep this short. My computer has a huge virus on it and I probably shouldn’t even be online right now.

Quinn is upset that Finn thinks she is cheating on him. She shows him she is not when they sing a song together. It’s a song about cheating, I guess. I have a hard time understanding lyrics to any song that is sung faster than “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.”

Glee episode 219

Emma sees Will and April singing a duet in the auditorium. She is jealous and advises Will to go to Broadway with April. Or maybe Emma isn’t jealous, then. Who cares? Why aren’t we watching Brittany and Santana right now?

Glee episode 219

Santana did not show up for Brittany’s webshow, so Brittany interviews her cat. I want to interview my cat for Youtube now. Topics will include why do you always hide in boxes? What are you afraid of? And who’s the fluffiest little ball of poof? That’s right…you are.

Glee episode 219

Rachel takes out her anger on Quinn or Finn or whoever by singing “Go Your Own Way.” Rachel says it is traditionally sung by a man, but she will sing it anyway. I don’t think a song from 1977 can really have any tradition behind it. It’s not “Danny Boy.”

Glee episode 219

Sue, April and Terri are drinking margaritas in Sue’s office. Usually, when three women get together like that they are plotting revenge on a man. Instead, they plot revenge on Will. They are teaming up to get Will off glee club. April wants Will to go to New York with her. Sue just wants Will gone. Emma wants Will back, and somehow thinks getting him to leave for New York will do that.

Their plan is to plant a front page story in Sue’s newspaper about Will leaving for New York. The glee kids are shocked but then Will tells them that he is staying put in Ohio, so that ends that. Man, Sue is really not scheming as well as she used to. Girl is off her game.

Glee episode 219

Rachel and Finn return to the motel, where Twink boy confesses that this is where he lives now. His dad lost his job, which meant they then lost their house. So him, his dad and two little siblings had to move into a motel. That blows since a motel room costs more than an apartment. I noticed his mom is not around. I assume she left. “When the banks takes your house, they literally take it,” says Twink. He means the bank kicks you out. I thought it would be funny if he then said, “They hitch it to a pick-up truck and drive off with it.”

Twink boy further explains that Kurt and Quinn were helping him out. Kurt took him to the thrift store where he got some clothes and Sega Dreamcast games. Then they played Marvel vs Capcom 2 all night. Quinn found out because they go to the same church. From what we saw of Quinn’s religion last season, I bet her church is one of those churches that says poor people are poor because Jesus hates them. Twink boy may have to quit glee club, even though it doesn’t cost him any money. Twink boy was born to sing. His family came from the same part of Austria as Von Tropp family, except they supported the Nazis.

And with that, Glee covers the housing crisis in a way that totally relates to today’s teens. Radical dude!

Also, Santana chickens out about going to the prom with Brittany. She will go with Karofsky instead, and they will be each other’s beards. It will be funny when they go to prom and can’t stand to touch each other and end up dancing four feet apart.

Glee episode 219

Wow, Quinn’s daughter grew up fast.

Actually, Twink boy brought his brother and sister to glee practice, saying he wants to get them out of the motel. Shouldn’t they be in school?

Everyone sings some song or something. The end.

Grade: C-

Best Musical Number:

“Dreams” – Fleetwood Mac. Performed by April and Will

What We Learned:

The rumor about Asian men’s penis size is not true, according to Tina. Keep in mind that Tina has only had naked fun with Other Asian. She can only take his word on penis size.

Kurt’s Best Outfit:

Glee episode 219