Season 3 Episode 19
Airdate: May 8, 2012
Rachel starts the episode with a voiceover—ala season 1—about moving on after Whoopi Goldberg crushed her dreams. I know how that feels, sister. With NYADA and Broadway out of the picture, she is trying to focus on smaller goals, such as prom.
Figgins calls Brittany into his office. Brittany is the class president, but Figgins calls her a “do nothing presidency” and is considering abolishing the position all together. What does the class president even do? It’s not like she has any real power. That’s what the school board is for. The student council only exists so the students can be tricked into thinking their opinion matters. This also applies to the student senate at every college in America. Wow, the student senate at Hampshire College voted to divest from Israel. If they had more than 0% genuine control over the college’s finances this would almost sort of mean something!
Brittany has her first meeting with the prom committee. She shoots down each one of their theme ideas and dictates that it will be dinosaurs. Brittany is awesome.
Sue announces the prom nominations over the PA. Finn and Brittany are nominated for prom king, and Santana and Quinn are in the running for queen, which is odd since they are seniors and only juniors are supposed to be in prom court. Could it be any clearer that none of the Glee writers were ever invited to prom?
Rachel is jealous that Quinn and Finn are campaigning for king and queen together. Look at this, Rachel is jealous of Quinn and Finn’s relationship. This episode marched all up in season 1 territory here. Finn tells Rachel he is campaigning with Quinn because she is in a wheelchair and needs this win. Note that Artie is also in a wheelchair but no one nominated him for prom king. “I can’t believe how selfish you’re being,” Finn says to Rachel “that’s usually my department.”
In physical therapy, Quinn tries to use the arm bars thing to walk, but falls down. Her fall was not nearly as epic as Jimmy’s.
Joe helps her because Quinn doesn’t have a real physical therapist for some reason. Joe promises she will dance at prom.
OK, so Becky is upset that she is not up for prom queen and throws a fit all over McKinley. Becky wants to be like a prom queen she saw in a commercial. Sue tells Becky not to listen to commercials because “advertisers are manipulative alcoholics.”
“Haven’t you ever seen Mad Men?” asks Sue. When Becky says no, Sue replies, “Neither have I.”
Burn! Ryan Murphy is jealous that Mad Men keeps beating Glee in award shows. Mad Men is some boring show about boring adults that does nothing for gay teens. Glee has saved the lives of even more gay teens than Lady Gaga! Remember, if you don’t like Glee, that means you hate gay people.
Rachel, Kurt, and Blaine sing “Big Girls Don’t Cry” by Ferguson. This feels like a very season 1 song choice. Season 1 was the best because the writing was so much wittier than it is now. Also there was no Blaine. Rachel tells the “boys” that she doesn’t want to go to prom because she is afraid to see Finn and Quinn share a dance. Kurt is afraid to attend after the kids made him prom queen last year. Blaine wets his diaper over the fact that Brittany won’t allow his precious hair gel. I like how Rachel is concerned over possibly losing her boyfriend, Kurt is concerned over possibly being made fun of, and Blaine is just being a crybaby.
Rachel announces to the glee club that she is organizing an anti-prom and invites them all. Santana is looking forward to the big night her girlfriend put together, and will have none of Berry’s bitching. “Rachel Berry isn’t getting her way so she’s punishing the rest of us,” Santana says and tells Rachel “this is the pettiest thing you have ever done.” How did that line get past Ryan Murphy? Maybe another writer snuck it into the script while Murphy was on the phone trying to convince Hillary Clinton that watching Glee is the only thing will bring the Israelis and Palestinians together in peace.
We go to prom. Oh come on, we already had a prom episode last season! You only need per generation. We should have skipped the prom episode this year and saved it for new kids who’ll join in season 4. The glee kids once again provide the music.
Since the theme is dinosaurs, Brittany starts off with a song that has dinosaur in the lyrics. It’s by Kesha, who should really just stop. Why didn’t Brit sing something from The Flintstones Movie? Or make up lyrics and sing the Jurassic Park theme. It’s been done!
Finn enters the girl’s room because he is Finn. He sees that Quinn can stand up by leaning on the counter. In his stupid brain, Finn takes this to mean Quinn can walk, and has been able to all along. “You lied to everyone!” he yells. I’m not going to transcribe anymore of what he said because it’s just Finn being a preachy douche. Quinn could try to explain that she is regaining her strength in physical therapy, but still can’t walk, but she would never get though to Finn. Finn is just too used to lecturing girls to care what one of them has to say.
Back at the prom, Santana sings “Love You Like a Love Song” by Justine Beiber’s girlfriend, Selena Gomez. What I mean by that is that five dudes and a computer wrote that song and Gomez sings on it. Disney is really good at maximizing the revenue of their stars. Like, every girl on the Disney Channel has an album out. Granted, when the ladies hit 18, they are thrown out like so many Hillary Duffs, but it’s a pretty sweet ride until then. On that subject, Modern Family just had an episode where they went to Disneyland. That made me nostalgic for when ABC used to have the families on their TGIF sitcoms go on a multi-episode adventure in Disney World, because Disney owns ABC. Every family show on ABC is contractually required to do a four episode long commercial for Disney theme parks.
On the dance floor, in front of everyone, Finn yells at Quinn to stand up and walk! I know I’ve said this a hundred times before: Shut the fuck up, Finn. Joe has to defend Quinn when Finn acts crazy and tries to force her off her chair. Sue threatens to kick Finn out, so Finn leaves. Of course, Finn feels he did nothing wrong.
Finn joins the anti-prom that Rachel, Kurt, Blaine, Puck and Becky hold in a hotel room. Birthday parties that involved renting a hotel room were always the best. Becky is a total asshole, though. She says Rachel has a big nose and calls Kurt gay, which sucks for them because what can you say back to a girl with Downs? Becky gets a free pass to be a jerk.
Finn kisses Rachel and convinces the kids to come to dino-prom. Only Puck and Becky remain. Puck doesn’t want to be there because he most likely will flunk this year. Also, Rachel paid for the room, so they might as well enjoy the pool and complimentary breakfast. Hotel pools normally suck because they are too small and crowded, but I bet if Becky goes in, other guests will avoid it and they’ll have it all to themselves.
The anti-promers arrive at dino-prom. But Brittany orders Blaine to remove the gel from his hair before he can enter. Blaine goes to the bathroom to cry in a corner for 45 minutes.
Joe, Irish, Sam, Mike, and Artie sing “What Makes You Beautiful”. Artie has been reduced to being with the guest actors and the kid who can’t sing.
Rachel is alone in the hallway. Quinn rolls up and they have a heart-to-heart. “Do you not understand what you mean to me?” asks Rachel, who calls Quinn beautiful, like, five times. I know where this is going! Oh yeahhhh!!!
Back at the anti-prom, Puck wants to cheer Becky up about not being queen by crowning them the king and queen of anti-prom. He makes two crowns out of cardboard and they walk into prom together wearing their crowns. Becky is so excited and also most likely unaware this is something Puck just made up. While Becky talks to Sue, her back is turned long enough for Puck to fulfill his dream of spiking the punch. This was an elaborate plan just to pour alcohol in the punch
Quinn and Santana count the prom votes, which seems like a conflict of interest. Quinn won queen by one vote. The junior girls are going to be pissed. But Quinn tells Santana that they have had “dream high school careers” being cheerleaders and all, and should use this opportunity to make a difference for someone less fortunate.
Sans hair gel, Blaine returns to prom with a furry afro. Brittany says Blaine made his point, his natural hair is awful and he desperately needs gel.
Kurt has to crown this year’s winners. Finn, of course, is king. In a surprise twist, Rachel Berry wins queen due to write-in votes. This was Quinn’s a-doing! Rachel and Finn enjoy a romantic dance while Quinn and Santana sing “Take My Breath Away” from Top Gun. Rachel is afraid this is all some Carrie-style prank, but Finn assures her that she is indeed amazing. Finn always has to inspire the girls.
And finally, Tina and Mike actually say something! By the way, when was the last time Tina had a song? They’ve been reduced to background characters.
Much less surprising than the Asians getting to speak, Quinn is able to stand up. “It’s a prom miracle,” says Sam. A prom miracle, indeed!
This episode made very little sense. But dinosaurs kick ass.
Best Musical Performance: “Take My Breath Away” – The Top Gun Singers. Performed by Quinn & Santana