Glee: 3.22 “Goodbye”

Season 3 Episode 22
Airdate: May 22, 2012

This is the season 3 finale. I assumed last week’s two-parter was the finale because a two-hour event kind of would be, but alas, we have one more. Also, this episode was delayed an hour for an American Idol episode, which further flustered me. Fox scheduling is manned by assholes.

Will enters the glee room, where the kids sing while playing duck-duck-goose. Will writes “Goodbye” on the white board. Graduation is coming soon, and he wants the seniors to sing to the younger kids and vise versa. Why do they have more assignments? The competitions are over. They won. Just have a pizza party like a normal club. Is this a class? In three years, I could never tell if this is a class or a club that meets after school. I am not even sure if the producers know.

Since Will considers himself one of the kids (and his best friends are graduating, after all) he gets out the guitar and performs an acoustic rendition of “Forever Young”. Will rarely sings, and I am thankful for that.

Kurt reflects on how he was shy and in the closet when he started at McKinley, but now is the second gayest person in the Midwest after Marcus Bachmann. He is proud of the Kurt clones that he inspired.

In the auditorium, he meets his dad Burt, played by the only good things about Glee anymore, MIKE O’MALLEY. Burt does the “Single Ladies” dance that Kurt did in season 1 because it was the moment when Burt realized his son was gay, and I guess this means Burt is trying to tell his son something. The dance is spliced with Kurt’s dance from season 1. Looking back, boy, Chris Colfer was a baby when this show started.

“I want to thank the men in the room,” Kurt says to the glee club, “for being in such good shape. Except Irish kid, but you’re probably fit by Irish standards. Your beer belly isn’t even that big.” Kurt sings “I’ll Remember” by Madonna. Joe the new guy mouths the words, which annoyed me because out of everyone here, he has known Kurt the least. Maybe Madonna means a lot to him.

Santana is surprised that Mercedes is gong to L.A. after graduation. So am I. A music producer wanted to sign her as a backup singer after he saw her on a Youtube video. Yeah, that doesn’t sound like a scam. Mike has been hired on the new Lifetime series, Dance Moms: Cincinnati. Santana received a cheer scholarship to the University of Louisville, but is starting to think she could do better than Kentucky. I doubt Kentucky would want her shade within their borders anyway.

We meet Santana’s mom, played by Gloria Estefan (who I checked and was not the wife on George Lopez like I thought). Gloria says she knew her daughter was gay when she was little and dressed as Uncle Jesse for Halloween. That is perfect! Little Santana wants to get girls, and there is no girl Uncle Jesse cannot get. The only reason Danny or Joey ever even got dates was because they lived with Jesse and picked up traces of his scent. Brittany announces she failed and will have repeat senior year. Santana says she may stay in Lima with her. Of course, Gloria loves the idea of her daughter forgoing college to be with her girlfriend who flunked high school. Gloria had big hopes for her daughter. Santana was the first Lopez to graduate from junior high.

Finn leads the seniors to sing a New Radicals song because he is the self-appointed leader of glee club.

We then go to Rachel and Finn. Rachel wants his opinion on which chair they should buy for their New York apartment. They appear to be furniture shopping in a classroom. I don’t understand this. Finn says something to Rachel about how she is “comprising on your husband.” I’m glad Finn finally understands that Rachel could do way better. Rachel is bound for Broadway, and Finn is gong to be one of those guys whose highpoint in his life was being the quarterback in high school.

Finn has a crush on James Lipton.

Finn reflects on blah blah blah and then meets James Lipton, who used his ice tea fortune to bankroll an interview show. After that, Will admits to Finn that in the very first episode he planted pot on Finn in order to blackmail the boy into joining glee club. Will apologies. Finn doesn’t believe it and thinks his teacher is kidding. This moment is a perfect example of how Glee has declined. Back when Will planted the pot, the viewers weren’t supposed to think what Will did was seriously immoral like it would be in the real world. We all understand a musical isn’t serious. In a world where kids break into song, and students throw slushees onto other students without ever getting in trouble, and the high school cheer team  has the budget of a Big Ten football program, planting drugs just wasn’t that big of a deal. It was merely something funny that happened. The show was light and fluffy and silly like that, and it was fun to watch. But Ryan Murphy and his team of loyal chipmunks have decided that Glee is now serious drama with serious messages and also songs, so Will has to admit to his crime or whatever.

The non-seniors dedicate their song to Finn. No, not all the seniors, just Finn, because he was popular and made a lot of sacrifices to join glee club. If that’s the case, so did Puck, Mike, Quinn, Santana and Brit. But, whatever. God, this show sucks ass. The non-seniors sing the Beatles’ tune “In My Life”.

Quinn has the type of hat you attach fishing lures to.

Quinn reflects on how she has gone from the top of the school hierarchy to the bottom and back to the top. And was in a wheelchair for, like, two whole weeks. Quinn and Rachel flirt in the bathroom. Quinn calls her a friend, which causes Rachel to blush. They plan to see each other when they are both out east and then hug. Yup, Finn turned both of them gay. Because if he is the Alpha male of McKinley then his inadequacies end up reflecting on the whole entire male gender.

Quinn tutors Puck because he was her first. No, that is her excuse. Quinn says he loves Puck and they kiss. It looks like Quinn is still confused about her feelings. They will get sorted out in college, I’m sure. Puck’s reflects on how good Quinn’s kiss was. He didn’t have much of an arc over the past three years. Which is better than Mercedes who doesn’t even get a moment of reflection, and only has a couple of lines this episode. I can understand not giving much time to Mike since he started out in the background, but Mercedes was a main character since season 1. She should be getting more time. Though, what the hell could Mercedes say about her time in high school? How she got fatter?

Quinn returns cheer uniform to Sue. Quinn was once Sue’s protege and Sue says she once expected Quinn to become a young version of herself. “I was wrong,” says Sue. “A young Sue Sylvester is going to have to have Downs.”

Let’s go to graduation.

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