Glee: 3.04 “Pot O’ Gold”

Season 3 Episode 4
Airdate: November 1, 2011

Porpoise of Life name: “The One Before the Sex Episode Next Week”
Issue of the Week: Next Week Everyone Has Sex

That Irish guy who co-won The Glee Project is here, to begin his seven episode “prize.” He plays a foreign exchange student named Rory (which ever since Gilmore Girls I’ve thought of as a girl’s name) who is living with Brittany and also crushing on her. But Brittany thinks he is a leprechaun and can’t understand a word he says. I can’t either. His accent is really thick.

Also, Sue is still running for Congress and using her segment on the local news to campaign. She is courting the Tea Party in an effort to cut funding for arts programs in schools, thereby destroying glee club for good. <evil laugh)Wahahaha!</evil laugh> Since the glee club is preparing to put on a production of West Side Story, Sue goes on the air and makes the sensational claim that it is “a story about a race war that glorifies gang violence.”

As far as this parody of the Tea Party goes, well, the Glee writers are going to have to dial it WAAY up if they want to to capture the true craziness of the movement.  This is the group of people who yell at congressmen to keep the government out of their Medicare, and will gang up on a man with Parkinsons to throw things at him.  If Sue really wants to win over the Tea Partiers, she should punch Becky in the face.

Principal Figgins caves and cancels the play. A black woman threw a rock at him earlier and is currently protesting outside his office. Nice try, Glee writers, but the real Tea Party will publicize online the address of a politician who supports health care reform, then someone will cut the propane gas line to that politician’s house–except the address is actually the politician’s brother and the guy who posted it collects Social Security. Seriously, you cannot possible write a parody of the Tea Party that is more outlandish than the Tea Party is in real life.

“The arts are going down,” Sue warns Will. “Today, the musical, tomorrow, glee club. Next weekend, PR, opera, brunch and Tom Bergeron.” No, not Tom Bergeron! You get rid of him and you get rid of the only person on Dancing With the Stars who isn’t retarded!

This is cute. In Brittany’s locker is a cover of her on American Cheerleader. I’m assuming Santana made that for her in Photoshop, because in Santana’s locker is a drawing Brittany made of her cat.

Mercedes speaks with Santana in the hallway. Mercedes left New Directions for the other glee club in the previous episode, and is recruiting Santana to join her. Finn follows behind them. He is not interested in hearing if Santana is going to quit glee club. He just wants to see if they make out.

Finn is pissed off when they don’t.

The kids are worried that they will never recover from losing Mercedes. Since Finn considers himself the leader of glee club despite being the worst singer, he tries to boost their spirits with a pep talk and then takes it upon himself to round up potential new members. He finds Rory, who is putting together a box of Lucky Charms that is only marshmallows. That is appropriate, because Rory’s accent sounds like he is speaking while eating Lucky Charms. Seriously, I can maybe understand a third of what this dude says. As far as I can tell based on how Rory eyes Finn, Rory is either gay for Finn or wants to eat his skin.

It’s a really weird scene, especially since Rory is preparing the cereal box as a gift for Brittany. Let me explain, Brittany told Rory that if he grants her three wishes, he can get her “pot of gold.” I’m sure Brittany and Rory have wildly different interpretations of what that is. Brit’s first wish was for that all-marshmallow box of Lucky Charms.

After school, Quinn and Puck are at Shelby’s apartment to babysit the child they made but Shelby owns. Quinn is just trying to play nice so Shelby will allow her to spend time with the baby. Her evil scheme is to win back custody by planting evidence that Shelby is an unfit mother. Quinn gets to work as soon as Shelby is out the door, placing in her bookshelf a baby cookbook–How to cook babies! The words are all in Vietnamese.

Kurt’s dad Burt, played by the Hammer of the Gods himself, MIKE O’MALLEY, has saved the production of West Side Story by rounding up financial support from all the area funeral parlors, as well as a crematorium/brick oven pizza business. Will is able to stand tall, but only because Burt did all the work. At least Will gets to be in proximity to a real man. Burt, played by the largest planet in our Solar System, MIKE O’MALLEY, also tells Sue that he will organize all the money he can to make sure she does not get elected. Sue tries to put him down with her insults, but Burt, played by the man the tale of Hercules was based on, MIKE O’MALLEY, just scratches his crotch.

Meanwhile, Rory presents Brittany with the cereal. Now he has two wishes to go before he can presumably bang her. Brit’s next wish is that her cat poop candy bars. No, for real. Rory asks her out to dinner, but Brittany says she has plans (lady-lady plans!)

Forlorn, Rory sings “Bein’ Green”. It’s that Muppet song. Ryan Murphy thought he was a genius when he had the idea of an Irish guy singing that. Of course, Ryan Murphy thinks every thought of his is genius. but I think the rendition was sort of weak. Come on man, it’s the Muppets you got to BRING IT!

Santana and Brittany have their dinner at Fazoli’s Breadstix, though neither can state for certain that this is a romantic date. Brittany tells Santana about the magic leprechaun that lives with her, which causes Santana to wonder what is going on with Rory, and me to question if Brittany is so dumb that having sex with her would count as statutory rape.

Santana wants to hold Brit’s hand, but only underneath a napkin.

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