Glee: 4.04 “The Break Up”

Season 4 Episode 4
Airdate: October 4, 2012

This is the fourth episode of the fourth season. It aired on the fourth day of the fourth month of the fourth year of the fourth millennium. That’s quite the coincidence!

The ep starts out at McKinley and something something something the new kids. One of them started to talk about racism, so I tuned them both out. Then Blaine spoke, but I also tune Blaine out.

I started paying attention when we went to NYC, where Kurt is making gay breakfast. Finn spent the night, but Rachel tells Kurt they did not do anything. Finn reveals that he was in the army for only 16 days when he accidentally shot himself and earned a “semi-honorable discharge” which is not a real thing. It is, however, a funny name for ejaculate. Honorable discharge is sperm used to fertilize a uterus; semi-honorable discharge is when you cum in a female without making babies, like into a condom or on her tits; dishonorable discharge is masturbation.

Santana and Brit are together. Santana goes home from college in Kentucky every few weeks to do laundry. Santana is jealous that Kurt was hired at Vogue after only showing off a photo album of all his gay little outfits. Maybe she is jealous that a gay boy took a job that would presumably have gone to a young woman. Too bad the fact is anything a woman traditionally does, a gay man can do better. It’s true. Look at the facts: fashion, interior decorating, wedding planning, hairstyling, flight attending, dick sucking. Gays do it better. Deal with it ladies.

Blaine tries to call Kurt, but he can’t talk because he is busy at work. Blaine cries because he doesn’t understand that people out of high school have actual jobs that they have to be at, not classes they can text during. Call him after 6, dingus. Meanwhile, Finn sits in Rachel’s NYADA class, because Rachel wants him to audition, but he realizes this and New York are not for him. Blaine and Finn sing “Barely Breathing” which was a hit on VH-1 back in the day. I like early/mid-‘90s pop ballads. I like ‘90s music in general. I wish Glee would do a Nirvana tribute episode. Blaine can become a heroin addict and then blow his brains out with a shotgun.

That evening, Blaine makes a surprise appearance at the New York apartment because Rachel and Kurt are hosting all their favorite douchebags this week. The four go to Callbacks, a non-alcoholic bar for drama students. Every part of that sounds like what hell will be for me when I die. Rachel duets with Brody. I had to look up what. They sing a Demi Lovato song. Brody must really want to get into Rachel’s pussy to go along with that. Speaking of pussy, Blaine goes next. He sits at the piano and sings “Teenage Dream” again because it was the song he sang when he first met Kurt. Glee does Katy Perry way too much. Ryan Murphy thinks Katy Perry is John Lennon. Anyway, I skipped passed this. Blaine is not a good enough singer to be given a song every episode.

Kurt and Blaine walk home together as do Rachel and Finn. Blaine admits that he cheated on Kurt. I don’t remember this happening so will assume Blaine is lying. Actually, Blaine was texting with a guy during the “Barely Breathing” segment. But all Blaine probably did was go to the dude’s house and swivel his hips while singing “Last Friday Night”. Blaine says the two of them are moving apart. Blaine is about to cry as he says this, but Blaine is always about to cry. Meanwhile, Finn is jealous of Rachel’s relationship with Brody. Rachel says something to Finn, but I was distracted by her incredibly shiny lip gloss. Maybe she wanted to wear something that would reflect light when she is out at night. She could be on ABC Family with that amount of lip gloss. All four of them sing “Don’t Speak” as they go to bed, which really highlights what a better singer Lea Michele is than everyone else.

Finn sneaks out early in the morning while Rachel is asleep, but is spotted by Kurt, who is waiting for Blaine to do what Finn is. Kurt asks if he has a message for Rachel and Finn says no. Finn can’t face Rachel and bails. It’s odd that he is so upset that Rachel has a new boyfriend and life. He basically broke up with her at the end of season 3 when he put her on that train to New York instead of marrying her.

Hey, remember the school Christian club last year that was made up of Quinn, Mercedes, Joe and Sam and was sort of mainline Protestant and, after a brief debate, sang a Valentine’s song to Brit and Santana? Now it’s morphed into a fundamentalist club based on the Left Behind book series. They meet at Breadstix to prepare for the Rapture. Really. I think it was the first season of The Glee Project when Murphy went on and on about how he wanted a Christian on the third season of Glee. Which showed that he had completely forgotten about Mercedes. This was why Sam Larsen (Joe) was ultimately hired, to be that Christian who didn’t have any prejudices towards anybody. Well, that’s not as much fun as making fun of fundamentalists, so here we are.

Brittany is a member and brings Santana to the meeting. Kitty, the new Quinn, delivers a sermon like a feisty Pentecostal preacher, except for the part about being a girl, which no domination that shares Kitty’s beliefs would allow. Dottie, Tina’s manservant, is on the fence about the whole Rapture thing, so Kitty tricks her into leaving the room. When Dottie is out, Kitty makes the rest of the kids hide, so when Dottie returns, she freaks out thinking everyone has ascended to heaven and she has been left behind to face Armageddon. This is when Kitty jumps out and reveals that this has been a fake rapture, which does nothing to comfort Dottie’s mental breakdown. The other kids think Kitty is weird for doing this, but they all went along with it and were fine going home while Dottie is shaking back and forth. Teenagers are sheeple. Sheeple!

Santana tells Brittany this is crazy, but Brittany says that she felt just like Dottie when Santana left her behind by not failing senior year with her.

Finn meets Will in his office and cries into his arms. The other glee kids are happy to see Finn in the glee room. The club must put on a fall musical and Finn recommends they do Grease, mentioning that he auditioned for glee club with a song from that musical. Finn really wants to be a part of glee club again. Finn wants to start the 13th grade.

So, Will got a spot on the government arts in education panel. This will require him to be in Washington DC for several months. Since Rachel graduated, he sees no point in hanging around McKinley, so is fine with stepping away from his job. He wants Emma to go with him but Emma doesn’t want to give up her job. “That’s what a tenure’s for,” replies Will. Remember, Emma got tenure despite not actually being a teacher. Will says she can take a sabbatical, which I don’t think exists in high school, though (then again, if the guidance counselor can get tenure…). Emma holds firm on not wanting to leave saying she enjoys her job and will have nothing to do in DC but “sit alone in some motel room somewhere.” She ends up leaving the room and they both resent each other. Will feels like Emma is rejecting him and Emma feels that Will doesn’t respect her anymore. They are both really jumping to far off conclusions after 30 seconds of conversation.

Later, Brittany meets Santana in the glee room. Isn’t Santana missing college? These kids need to stop hanging around high school after graduation. Santana sings a Taylor Swift song to her and then assures Brit that she would never, ever cheat on her. But she did have an “energy exchange” with a gay girl at college, which means Santana felt something when they looked at each other. Santana tells Brit that she doesn’t want to put her through the stress of a long distance relationship, as they usually don’t work out. Santana says that either of them may find themselves attracted to someone else while they are apart, so it would best to “take a break” from their relationship. Santana further explains that this does not mean they are officially broken up. Brittany cries.

It’s clear that Santana is only saying this because she wants to be able to fool around in college without a guilty conscience. And at the same time, have the option open to go back to Brittany if nothing develops at school, knowing it’s not likely that Brittany will meet a girlfriend in high school (Santana doesn’t know about Sam). Brittany was the girl that allowed Santana to feel safe to come out, but Santana doesn’t care about her anymore! The best relationship in Glee ends on a dick note.

There is some boring stuff with the new kids. Marley asks Puck’s little brother (I will call him Pluck) why he is dating Kitty. So Pluck breaks up with Kitty right there. Kitty warns him that was a bad idea, saying she is like a “bad Carrie Underwood song.” I assume that is not good news for Pluck. I’m not terribly familiar with Carrie Underwood, but most country songs I’ve heard that are about a bad relationship and sung by a girl are usually about as violent as early ‘90s gansta rap.

Finn is in the McKinley auditorium. Rachel meets him there. She points out that this is where he asked her to marry him and where they first met. She is pissed that she had to come all the way to Ohio to talk to him after he bailed. “You are my first love!” cries Rachel, with Blaine-level tears. But she doesn’t want deal with his drama anymore. “We’re done,” she says. “What am I going to do with my life?” mopes Finn, saying he has no job or prospects and now no girl. They kiss. But I guess it’s a goodbye kiss. Or Rachel is giving him a pity kiss. Either way, the two of them are recycling the same drama from the end of season 3. Finn feels worthless and doesn’t want to follow Rachel to New York. So the two of them understand that they are taking separate paths in life. We already went over this last year, which is why I thought they were already broken up.

Finn kicks off the closing song, “The Scientist”, followed by Blaine and Santana. Kurt, Brit and Rachel join in. Also Will and Emma. They broke up? That was quick. They had one scene.

Grade: F

Best Musical Number: “Don’t Speak” – No Doubt. Performed by Rachel, Kurt, Finn & Blaine