The Glee Project: 2.03 “Bully-ability”

Season 2 Episode 3
Airdate: June 19, 2012

Robert says the theme today is “a big one”: Vulnerability. Michael says this will be hard for him because he thinks he is the most awesome person ever. The homework assignment is a Kelly Clarkson song “My Life Would Suck Without You”. Charlie points out that it is an awful choice for vulnerability. If this chap continues making fun of the show/contestants, I hope he wins. He’s got spunk, and boy, I like spunk.

Robert says this guest judge is “the most accessible actor on the show.” Because he is the one who is should be most grateful to have a job: Cory Monethith, who plays Finn. The Oxygen Network promo called him “Glee’s biggest hero”. But Oxygen is a network for people even more retarded than the Bravo audience, so they would say that. Seriously, after Glee Project is a reality show where an obnoxiously super gay vocal coach acts catty to little kids kids. I wish AIDS would hit the gay community again. The herd really needs to be thinned out, if you ask me.

Cory tries to sound like he could give these kids acting tips. “Yeah, just take your shirt off whenever you are called into Ryan Murphy’s office. It’s never failed me. Maybe it won’t work as well for girls ‘cause you aren’t as buff as me.” Cory says Nellie is the winner, but getting a mentoring session with a guy who can’t act, sing, or dance isn’t really a prize. It’s more like 45 minutes of your life you’ll never get back.

The group video will be “Everybody Hurts” by R.E.M. However, there is no choreography rehearsal as Zack probably told Ryan to suck a fuck. Instead, Erik the director makes each contestant talk about his or her personal experiences with bullying. I assume the kids are shrewd enough to know that if they can’t claim to have been bullied they will not make it past this episode.

The highlights:

  • Tyler says there were no other half black/half Jewish transpeople like him, so he felt lonely. On that note, does anyone else notice that Tyler’s skin seems to change color based on the colors around him? Maybe something is off in the melanin of half black/half Jewish people that gives them chameleon abilities. Jews and blacks seem like two races God did not intend to mix. He made a really big fucking deal about getting the Jews out of Africa, after all.
  • Abraham has two moms, so says he acquired feminine mannerisms from that environment and was bullied because of it. I would think being an Asian man would make him effeminate enough. No need to blame lesbians for that. Blame your tiny pee-pee.
  • Blake says, “I was bullied a lot in junior high.” Emphasis mine. Middle school doesn’t count! I bet he was popular in high school. Everyone is awkward in middle school; they’re all half-way between being little kids and beginning puberty. All the boys who were popular football players in high school were fat kids in middle school. Meanwhile, some girls have boobs and some girls don’t and some girls only have one boob.
  • Lily claims she was the bully in middle school, referring to her younger self as “The Queen Bee.” Which—again—doesn’t count because it’s middle school. She had an epiphany after watching Mean Girls and realized, “Oh my God, that’s me!” Yeah, all four of the Plastics in a barrel full of corn would be Lily, I suppose. They would still weigh less, but have her general shape.

During the mentoring session, Cory tells Nellie to act sad by thinking about sad stuff. Cory says he thinks about his parents’ divorce. Nellie says she can think of her sister’s death. Cory was totally one-upped there.

I thought Shanna was the girl who was not doing well in the recording studio, but it was really Ali, the crippled girl. From the boobs up, they look the same.

Those are REAL spitballs people! The Glee Project does not fuck around!

Onto the video shoot. The other kids bully whichever kid is singing at the moment. There are spitballs and a lot of shoving. Is bullying in high school that physical? I remember it as mostly taunting and verbal shenanigans meant to wound the soul rather than the body. Because a kid will usually get in trouble for assaulting another kid. Despite what the Glee people seem to believe, that’s actually taken very seriously by our society. Even when the contestants were talking about their real life experiences with bullying, it was all taunting. But that would be harder to make a video out of and deprive the show a bunch of “shocking” footage for this “very special episode” as well as the bullshit praise from the idiots in the news media.

During a scene, Charlie grabs Mario’s blind people cane, with appalls the adults who have been encouraging the kids to push and shove and bully each other all day. THIS IS A BIG DEAL PEOPLE GLEE PROJECT KEEPS SAYING SO!

Robert says of the final video: “It’s sad and difficult to watch but it’s effective.” Man, I want to like Robert Ulrich, but he’s too far gone into the cult of Glee. Maybe Nikki and Zack can be saved, but it’s going to take kidnapping them, followed by intense deprogramming in a remote cabin in Montana.

Lily’s act of bullying is to crush Aiylin. I laughed and laughed and laughed. Watching this, I can definitely believe that Lily was a bully. She sure is used to throwing her weight around!

There is a short anti-bullying PSA before the commercial break featuring Cory. “I’m Cory Monothought and I’m taking a stand against bullying.” Good for you, asswipe!

Up for Elimination:

Lily (her 2nd time in a row) sings “Mercy” by Duffy. I assume not by the bass player for Guns N’ Roses. Ryan Murphy is critical, telling her, “the show is about underdogs and you are not an underdog.” Wait, Cory Monthiefh is the guest today. How is he an underdog? I bet he got hired on Glee after being Ryan Murphy’s pool boy for one summer, and that is why Ryan considers him one. Lily cries and points out that being fat makes her underdog. Judging by how he ignores Mercedes, Ryan Murphy probably didn’t think about that.

Charlie is up for taking Mario’s cane, because it wasn’t planned. Keep in mind, the adults are constantly telling the kids that they should be able to improvise. Charlie sings a Coldplay song. I don’t know which one. Does it honestly matter? Ryan Murphy loves his spin on the song, saying he does not want Glee to be “a damn karaoke show” Again, Cory Monethigh is here this week.

Mario sings “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” from The Wizard of Oz, a movie he has been told is very good. Mario is here because he didn’t do well in the recording studio. Notice how every criticism here can apply to a certain seven foot tall Canadian farm boy? So Mario cries. Again, these kids are smart enough to know that they need to shed tears when they are facing the ax.

Who is eliminated? WHO??!!

No one! All three of them are called back! Psych!