Glee Project: Season 2 Casting Special & 2.01 “Individuality”

“The Glee Project Season 2: The Final 14”

Season 2 Casting Special
Airdate: June 2, 2012

Ah man, it’s another season of The Glee Project. Before we have to watch the bullshit that is this reality show, there is the the casting special. The intro, like on Glee, is narrated by co-creator Ian Brennan, who tells us that Glee is the most awesome show ever and the great minds who bestowed upon us this gift from the heavens  have created a reality show to bless a child to be on Glee for awhile.

Casting director Robert Ulrich is back to guide us through this competition and repeatedly tell us how awesome Glee is. Robert says they are looking for someone who is the best combination of a singer, dancer, and actor. Though very few of the Glee cast can do all three well. Cory Monteith is the male lead and can’t do any. Robert pretends to enjoy having to oversee the open auditions. “Glee is about giving everybody a chance,” he says.

We see a succession of bad singers. Glee is supposedly about lifting people up, but we are going to see the same humiliating display of poor singers as  American Idol. Everyone sings the same dumb Jason Mraz song. “I tell people over and over to be themselves,” says Robert, “it really is the mantra of Glee.”

Working for Glee is like joining a religious cult.

Season 1 winners Sam, Damian and Alex are brought into to watch. Fourth winner, Lindsay, is not here for some reason. I don’t know why she wasn’t asked back. Maybe she really is as crazy as she was portrayed.

Robert laughs at a girl who came to audition sporting bandages from a nose job. This clip was made fun of on The Soup, so I have nothing to add. If Joe McHale starts making fun of The Glee Project I’m going to have to bow out of reviewing it. It’d be like if I were to write a funny recap of a movie that the MST3k crew has done. What would be the point? It’s not like I can do it better than them. Sometimes a mere apprentice has to step aside and let a Master show you how it’s done.

Note: I would post the clip, but I can’t find it on their website, and searching their site for “glee project”  just brings up all of E!’s dumb news stories.

Way to make the cancer patient think she has a shot on you show, assholes. Like she'll even live to see the fourth season.

Robert and his assistants have to narrow down the eager beavers from a thousand-something to 80 (the eager 80), who are flown to LA for the next round of auditions. Zack Woodlee (choreographer) and Nikki Anders (recording studioer) try to pretend like they are happy to be part of this. Piano Man is also here, but, like in the show, he does not speak.

One hopeful contestant says, “Glee is an awesome portrayal of high school and what it’s really like.” Does he think brown nosing will help? Or does he did he graduate from the most insane high school in America?

“Making it to the Top 80 has really been an honor,” says a boy in a wheelchair. He is able to say that without a bit of sarcasm. He is a better person than I.

There are two blind guys in the running. Jesus Christ, Glee, don’t use people like this. One of the boys says that Glee is about how “even if you have a disability, you can still do something in the world.” It is? I can actually watch Glee and have never gotten that impression. The cult of Glee is infectious. I worry that it won’t be long  before fucking Glee fans are showing up at my house in pairs and knocking on my door and waking me up at 11:45 in the morning to tell me about the  awesome power of Glee-ality.

One girls even cries (jackpot!) while practicing. She says Glee is about “being OK with being yourself.”

Robert, Zack and Nikki have to narrow down the Eager 80 to 15 boys and 15 girls (the Dirty 30). Of course, the kids have to state their struggle before they can sing in front of the three judges. It doesn’t matter how well you perform, if you don’t have a tragedy the show can focus on, you are not Glee Project worthy.

I will list the contestants who made it later. Right now, I’ll write about some of the kids who did not make the final cut.

There is a fat girl whose struggled was losing 83 pounds from gastric bypass surgery. I guess that kind of counts. Of course, she says she loves Mercedes. She has the gall to say that the Glee kids are “beautiful because of what they are on the inside, not the outside.” No, they are definitely beautiful on the outside. They are actors on a network TV show, afterall.

There’s Brege, the sister of Marissa from the first season. Marissa was kicked off on the sixth episode, despite being pretty talented. “It’s not that easy being related to her,” Brege tells us. She does not like being in her big sister’s shadow. Has Marissa done something else beside The Glee Project? Because if that is all, that’s not much of a shadow. You basically will have to make it to episode 7 to have outshined her.

There is a boy ran away from home at 16 when his parents wouldn’t accept him being bisexual. He was living on the streets for four years. He should have just stuck with dating chicks until he was 18.

Sad music plays as we meet a young woman who was severely disfigured in a house fire in college. “Man, it was such a wicked party, though. You should have been there. People were talking about it for years. ” Unlike everyone else shown, we barely hear her sing and don’t even learn her name. She just tells us her  tragedy and the judges stare and look sad and say how brave she is and she leaves. So…was she not a good singer? She doesn’t make it any further in the competition.

I don’t know what to say here. I mean, at least when American Idol does their freak parade in the beginning of each season, they don’t pretend it’s anything other than to let the viewers gawk at the weirdos auditioning. AI doesn’t do that while at the same time telling us it has some higher purpose other than being a dumb reality show.

I wonder why they didn’t show her name. Every other kid, even if they are only seen for a moment, has their real name and hometown displayed. There must have been a debate during editing on whether it was appropriate to put her on air, and the removal of her name may have been a comprise between the people who have souls and wanted to respect her, and the others who wanted to put anything shocking on air.

Oh gosh, that girl has got me depressed. Here’s some dingus who draws when he sings:

The Eager 80 are in one room. Robert reads off the names of the 30 who made it to the next round. The Dirty 30 will have to audition in front of the three judges as well as Glee co-creator, Ryan Murphy, who masturbates to pictures of himself.

Besides the kids who made it to the show, there’s a boy who is a farmer from Tennessee. “How the hell did you hear about this show?” Ryan asks. Does he think farms don’t get TV reception? Ryan has the final say on which of the Dirty 30 will be part of the reality show. But there is a twist!

“Ryan is so excited by this talent,” Robert tells us, “he ultimately chose 14 instead of 12.” And he fakes excitement over it.

Robert calls the 14 contestants over internet to give them the good news. They scream like crazy people when they learn they are in. I’m talking America’s Next Top Model level of screaming. Yes, THAT MUCH.

Here are the Unfortunate 14:

Abraham is the Asian guy who likes to talk about how pretty he is. I like that Piano Man from Glee is present during the auditions. That is the only thing I like about this.

Ali is in a wheelchair. It’s sad when someone is in a wheelchair and also blonde and pretty. Because they are not the type of people who should have bad things happen to them.

Aylin is Turkish. She said her family is very conservative won’t allow her to use tampons (no seriously, I am not making this up). She can’t even tell them she kissed a boy. She could lessen the impact of telling her folks that by saying, “Mom and dad, I kissed a boy. Also, I acknowledge that the Armenian Genocide happened.” They would totally not even care about the kiss at that point.

Blake is pretty forgettable. The only word that I can think to describe him is “acne”.

Charlie is someone Ryan Murphy really likes, so I assume he’s a dolt.

Dani is a girl, really! I’m going to take a wild guess and say she is a lesbian. I know, I know, how can I possible say that she is a lesbian when I haven’t even gotten to know her? I don’t know, it’s a shot in the dark and I’m probably wrong. Stereotyping is wrong.

I mean, either she is a lesbian or a Justin Beiber fan who has reached Single White Female level of obsession. She brings to my mind a younger version of another butch contestant from another bad reality competition that tried to pretend it was breaking barriers for LGBT people, Dani Campbell from A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila.

Dani Campbell

Lily is fat. We only saw a little bit of her in special (there is a lot of her to see ha ha ha ha!), but it’s safe to assume her favorite Glee character is Mercedes.

I might be mixing her up with gastric bypass girl. That other porky did not make the final 14, because the meal budget for this show is only so big.

Mario is blind. His mom died when he was little so his grandmother raised him and his 8 siblings. Mario is making it to the Final 2 for sure.

Maxfield is the Country guy.

Michael says, “It’s such a challenge balancing academic and my musical career.” He fails to mention that he is in high school. “It’s such a challenge balancing trying to write a two-page paper on the Civil War when I want to upload my singing to Youtube.”

Nellie is the spunky girl, I takes it. Nellie’s thing is that her sister passed away when she was 9. To honor her late sister, she changed her name her sister’s favorite rap artist.

Shanna is the other blonde girl in the contestant pool. If she was not in a wheelchair, I would keep confusing her with Ali. Goddamn Aryans, all you people look alike to me.

Shanna is a crack baby. She has no relationship with her mother, who started doing drugs when she was six weeks old. Wait…six weeks old in the womb or out? Because I thought crack baby meant your mamma did crack when you were a fetus, which results in you were born an addict. Anyway, crack baby is pure Final 2 material.

Taryn is from Detroit. Michigan REPRESENT! Of course, none of us outside of Detroit like Detroit, in fact we rather despise the city. Our state is such a horrible mess. Taryn says this will be an opportunity to change her mother’s life and cries, like she is one of the black contestants from America’s Next Top Model.

Tyler is a transgender man who is totally too young to anticipate how wrongly Ryan Murphy plans to use him. Because Tyler has recently stated taking testosterone he says, “I’m like a 14 year old boy.” But so is every guy in their 20s, so it’s not like he will stand out.

Here are the 14 saps who are going to have to humiliate themselves for a short stint on a show that isn’t any good. Let’s see how they do!

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