Jane by Design: 1.04 “The Finger Bowl”

Season 1 Episode 4
Airdate: January 24, 2012

Billy shows up at Jane’s house to drive her and her brother to school. Jane tells him her brother has his own ride so, “You are back in the front seat where you belong.” It is where he belongs since it is his car.

Billy and Lulu kissed at the end of the previous episode, and Billy wants to finally tell Jane about the relationship, but she is on the phone with Gray. Jane doesn’t find out until they get to school and Lulu plants a kiss on him. Jane is shocked. “I can explain,” stammers Billy. “I thought you were gay!” Jane yells. “I undress in front of you all the time!” Well, that’s what I thought she should say. Billy is not supposed to like girls. Everyone knows the male best friend of the fashion conscious girl is always a homosexual. Those are TV rules!

In English class, the teacher tries to get the students to talk about Wuthering Heights, but no one read it. Which is a typical high school English class. Jane pipes in and says the novel is about betrayal and Billy replies that it’s about forgiveness, because they are using the time to hash out their argument. The English teacher doesn’t like this, but any real English teacher would be happy to have students that are at least pretending to have read the book. This guy hasn’t been teaching very long.

Ben sets up his new office and shows off his old jersey to Nate, the baseball star. Nate likes Jane, but they don’t talk about that. Also, it seems that Ben’s office is just the storage closet that is located behind the guidance counselor’s office.

Jane’s duty at work today is to take care of Madame Sato, the Japanese editor of a fashion magazine, Modern Empress. I don’t know if that is racist or not. The fashion house needs to get into the magazine, or else there will be layoffs. Madame Sato demands a half-vegan lunch. Jane has no idea what that means.

Jane goes to a vegan takeout place, but the clerk says half-vegan is impossible. Maybe half-vegan is something that only exists in Japan. Maybe it is a rice and noodle meal in the shape of an animal. To see what I am thinking of, check out these meals in the shape of Hamtaro:

Madame Sato is not pleased with their line of clothing. There are no sexy school girl uniforms. “I want short pleated skirts that flare out 180° and do not cover the ass!” she screams.

Carlreiner,” she mutters as she walks away. That does not mean good.

Back home, Jane tells Ben she is sad about Billy. Ben tries to say it is no big deal.

“He likes a girl,” says Ben. But I like to think he said it like, “He likes a girl?”

“My best friend is secretly dating a girl,” mopes Jane.

Ben realizes Jane likes Nick. He tells his sister to meet him at the batting cages. Jane of course shows up in a skirt and bats like a girl. Nick does that thing where he holds her and shows her how to swing. Yeah, sexy baseball times.

Jane was upset that Nick hasn’t talked to her since the dance. Nick hasn’t because he thinks she blew him off at the dance. Jane tells him that she had something to do for her internship that night, which she should have told him that night. Jane is a dumb-dumb.

At school, Nick talks to the guidance counselor about Jane. Nick is concerned that Jane is not happy at high school. “It’s high school Ben,” says the counselor, “nobody is happy.” At least she’s a pragmatic guidance counselor.

Lulu’s friends do not like that she is dating Billy. Lulu and her social circle are from the upper class part of town. Billy is from the wrong side of the tracks and his older brother committed petty crimes. But Billy himself is not a bad kid. If he runs with a gang, it is going to be one of those singing and dancing gangs from West Side Story.

Gray is in Syria helping to arm the rebels, so she speaks with Jane over video. Jane says that Madame Sato has agreed to have dinner with Jeremy the Brit and Jane. This is there last chance to get into the magazine. Jane needs to impress.

Dress up montage! Jane tries on different outfits, but none of them are right. Before we see her pick, it’s a commercial break! Oh but I want to see the dress!

Jane walks into the restaurant wearing one of Jeremy the Brit’s dresses. They get there before Madame Sato and try to come up with a strategy before she arrives, but are too stupid to come up with one.

Ben looks at his old yearbook and sees the geeky photo of the guidance counselor. What, did her family have no insurance? Ben and her are around my age, which means they would have been in high school in the 2000s. But that dental work looks like it’s from the ’70s. Meanwhile, the guidance counselor pops open her yearbook and we see the heart she drew around Ben’s photo. There is no way the two of them will get together. ABC Family shows are too smart to go with something so obvious.

This is a French restaurant so the menu is in French and Jane is totally lost. The waiter brings them each some lemon water. Jane drinks hers, but Jeremy and Madame Sato dip their hands in theirs. You were supposed to wash your fingertips in lemon water? French people are stupid.

Jane at least likes the foie gras, but Madame Sato refuses to eat duck as they are are “dirty woodland creatures”. She insulted ducks, so she can go to hell! If I was Jane I would be like, “Fuck you bitch, ducks are the best animal ever. They can fly, swim and walk on land. A duck can go anywhere. Ducks are truly unlimited.”

Jane can’t bring herself to eat the fish because it still has a face. She expects the fish to sing.

Back home, Ben and Billy talk about Jane. Ben goes into this speech about what a good friend Jane has been to Billy and ends it with, “What you and Jane have is a friendship worth saving.”

“I know,” says Billy. That’s why Billy came down here. He didn’t need a big pep talk.

Back at the restaurant, Madame Sato has been in the bathroom a long time. Jane goes to check if she left them or is pooping. Japanese people either don’t poop because their rice heavy diets caused them to evolve without buttholes; or else poop a lot, and that explains why they are so small. Who knows when it comes to the exotic cultures of the Far East?

Madame Sato tells Jane she used to be clueless and stupid just like her. Jane and Jeremy take her to a hamburger place in Jane’s hometown for Madame’s first burger. She is most pleased.

Nick is also at the hamburger place with a girl! Jane has to keep it from slipping that she is still in high school, so shoes Nick away. Jeremy the Brit likes Jane, and so does Nick I guess, so this is totally awkward. Two worlds collide!

Madame Sato agrees to put the dress Jane is wearing on the cover of her magazine. “But first, I want to watch you two have sex.”

Jane goes home, where Billy is waiting for her. They make up.