Season 1 Episode 5
Airdate: January 31, 2012
A quick rundown since I haven’t posted any JbD recaps since March:
Jane is a teenage girl who got a job at a fashion house. Now the deal is, she is still in high school, but her co-workers think she is an adult. And her school thinks she is only taking an internship after school. Now she has to juggle two lives! Aahh!!
Ben is her older brother, who teaches gym. As they have no parents, they have to support each other. He does not know about Jane’s lie.
Billy is Jane’s BFF. I thought he was gay for several episodes. He is the only one who knows Jane’s secret.
Lulu is Jane’s enemy at school but Billy’s girlfriend. She is a rich bitch.
Nick is the school hunk Jane has a crush on.
Rita is the school guidance counselor who has a crush on Ben, going back to when they were both students. She set Jane up with what she still thinks is only an internship.
Gray is Jane’s boss. And yes, Gray is the woman in those L’Oreal commercials.
Jeremy is a British guy at work who kind of likes Jane. He also boned India. He is a horny Brit.
India is Jane’s rival at work. She is always looking for ways to sabotage Gray and take her job. In real life, the actress who plays India is the same age as the actress who plays Jane. Maybe India is also juggling this job with being a high school student back home.
Jane’s fashion/life advice for today is about how “the smallest wrong turn” can make you “totally lost”. See, Jane wanted to wear a dress because it can with a utility belt. But the dress was fugly, so she swapped it for another outfit that matched the utility belt, because the utility belt is fucking sweet. At work, a co-worker says he is “not really loving the belt.” Fuck you. It’s awesome. Jane won it in a backyard wrestling title bout.
Jane gets a call from Gray, who really is in Paris, but everyone thinks is in Istanbul. (She booked a flight to Turkey and traveled on the Orient Express, but that is another story!). Gray is on a secret mission and wants Jane to bring her personal copy of the Necronomicon to her in Paris or be fired. “Me…” Jane stutters, “Paris?” I am surprised too. No way ABC Family can afford to film in Paris. “No one outside or inside the company can see it,” Gray warns. “Not a soul.” Gray understands the horror that can be unleashed if the Book of the Dead falls into the wrong hands. After going through several layers of security, Jane gets the Book and has it in bed with her that night. It’s made of human skin, so Jane can pretend she has a man in bed with her.
As cover, Jane tells her older brother (who she lives with) that she will be sleeping over at a friend’s. But her brother knows she has no female friends. Jane claims it is Lulu, her bitter enemy. As Lulu and Billy are a couple, Billy gets his old lady to cover.
Ben is going to have the students play dodgeball today. He wants the kids to divide into shirts and skins, but the class is half female. That’s doesn’t matter because this is a TOTAL BEER COMMERCIAL! Or he is drinking at work. Never mind, what actually happens is that Jane has had the Necronomicon with her at all times and can’t put it down to play dodgeball. The Necronomicon has a hold on her.
Ben realizes that the sleepover thing was an excuse and Jane is going to sleep with a boy. That little side plot ended when Lulu covered for her, but Jane should tell her brother that she has a real job.
OMG! Jane is at work when she realizes she lost the Necronomicon! She had better locate it soon, before everyone in New York City is up to their necks in the undead! Jane thinks India stole it, so she gets Jeremy to distract India while Jane goes through her closet (Jeremy is only doing this because maybe Jane will sleep with him). The only thing Jane finds is an old photo album. India likes to bring her baby pictures to work.
Jane calls Billy for help and they look all over school and work but can’t find it. Billy goes to the fashion house where she has come to terms with being fired, but wants to spend one last moment lying amongst the pretty clothes and pretty shoes like a gay man mourning the cancellation of Project Runway.
There is one last chance. Jane rode a cab earlier, so she and Billy go to the garage of the taxi company. How are they ever going to find the Book of the Dead in all those taxi cabs? The U.S. government must be storing the Necronomicon like the Ark from Raiders of the Lost Ark. The two look from cab to cab but don’t find the Book.
Now Jane has to prepare to be fired. However, she is saved because India has the Book. India explains that a cabbie returned it to the office. He pleaded to the secretary, “Take it. Please take it! This thing has brought me nothing but misery and horror!” Then he jumped off the roof. So the Necronomicon is back where it belongs. India gives it to Jane. Jane wonders why India since keeping the Book would have destroyed Gray’s career and India wants to destroy Gray’s career. India says she doesn’t need the book to accomplish that. Oh. Let me re-write the dialogue so you understand what is going on here:
Jane: So, let me get this straight. You want Gray to get fired. You have gone to get lengths in the past to sabotage me, Gray’s assistant, in order so that Gray will be fired. If Gray’s doesn’t have that Book with her in Paris tomorrow, she will be fired. Then the Book lands in your hands through pure chance. You know what is it and how much trouble Gray will be in if it is missing. All you would have to do is hide the Book in a drawer for a few hours and Gray’s career will be destroyed and you will accomplish the goal you have wanted for a long time. But instead, you give it to me, because you don’t feel like trying to get Gray fired today?
So, Jane is in Paris with the Book. I am still not convinced this wasn’t all filmed in front of a green screen in Los Angeles, with some stock footage of Paris put in later. The Book flies out of her arms (The Necronomicon is capable of moving itself. That is why it was so hard to find). A Frenchman retrieves it and hands it back to her. I hope he didn’t open it up and read any of it, or else he is going to turn into a giant slug tonight. Jane delivers it to Gray, who was just promoted to Creative Director. I wasn’t sure what her title was before. I assumed she owned the company. Gray really needed the Necronomicon. She is going to take it to a graveyard to ask Coco Channel something.
The episode ends with an obligatory shot of the Eiffel Tower ‘cause it’s PARIS!
Billy has a brother who is a rotten egg. His brother tells him about an exciting new drug deal in which he can quadruple his money. He only needs to put $500 up front. Drug dealers have moved to promoting pyramid schemes now. Billy doesn’t want to put up his own money, so his brother gets the drugs from the dealer on credit. Drug dealers have turned into seedy payday loan places as well. Drugs are the least awful business drug dealers are involved in now.