Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: 1.18 “Green With Evil” Part 2

Part 2 – Jason’s Battle

Billie Green – 07/29/10

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Green with Evil

The Rangers sulk in their ransacked Command Center. “Who ever broke in here knew exactly what to do,” says Kimberly. Yeah, he did. He knew to smash shit. Billy the Blue Ranger, assisted by Trini the Yellow Ranger, try to restore Alpha, rather than do something useful. If I were a Power Ranger, I would consider the loss of Alpha to be a blessing in disguise. Also, I would want my animal theme to be an otter. I would command the Otterzord, the cuddliest of all the Zords.

Billy restores Alpha. Aw man, that blows.

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Rita returns Tommy to Earth. Bulk and Skull encounter him in the alley and want to get revenge for him scaring them with karate earlier. Why do Bulk and Skull always try to pick on kids who are stronger than them? Tommy shoots green lightning from his eyes to Bulk and Skull’s feet, which cause them to leap into a dumpster. They think Tommy needs to get his eyes checked.

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Kimberly tries to talk to zombie Tommy at school. He knows that she is a Power Ranger, but she does not know that he is. She should take a clue by the fact that he only dresses in green. The Ranger kids always wear clothing that has the same color as their uniforms and Tommy is wearing a mesh tank top and jeans that are both green. I wouldn’t even begin to know where you could find jeans that are green and made for a man.

Anyway, Tommy acts really cold to Kim and says to her, “Has it ever occurred to you that I might have other things on my mind? News flash Kimberly: you are not the center of everyone’s universe.” Oh burn!

Tommy is under Rita’s spell, so that is why he is being a dick to her. Kimberly is offended, but I bet she’s also turned on by him acting so disinterested in her. He’s totally playing hard to get.

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Rita wants to give Tommy the Sword of Darkness. Not just the Sword of Darkness, the Evil Sword of Darkness. It is a powerful weapon that will keep Tommy under Rita’s spell forever. To see if Tommy is worthy of Rita’s crappy sword, she will test him in battle against Putties. Come on, he already defeated Putties just yesterday. I doubt that is even very hard. I mean half the time, the Rangers don’t even bother to morph to fight the Putties.

Rita and her band of butt munchers head down to Earth. They meet Tommy at the beach. Rita teleports him to another section of the beach, for some reason, where Tommy fights the Putties. He totally kicked their asses, just like he did, you know, yesterday. Tommy is awarded the Sword of Dorkness.

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Jason meets up with Tommy after school. They were supposed to work out together. They were going to bring a boom box to listen to speed metal and grunt loudly so everyone would know they are serious about working out. But Jason has this whole being a Power Ranger thing and has to cancel. Tommy shoots out some green lighting when Jason’s back is turned, which makes Jason to disappear.

By the way, that image of the five Rangers with the Red one crossed out was added in 2010. Like all the new graphics, it doesn’t need to be there. In 1993, we could figure out that Tommy wanted to eliminate the Power Rangers merely based on him saying so every five minutes. Kids these days.

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Before the commercial break, we get a little thing showing us some Red Ranger information. This is also not needed. How many Power Ranger viewers are even old enough to read?

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Kimberly and Blackie the Black Ranger can’t get a hold of Jason. They take the flying car to the Command Center. Blackie drives and wants to fly them to Make Out Point to get some sugar, but Kim is all ‘no means no.’

Billy has been repairing the Command Center with Trini’s help instead of going to school. The viewing globe shows the Green Ranger is out again ready for a fight. Blackie takes the lead in Jason’s absence, even though no one appointed him second in command. Billy is the only one of them who has been busting his ass fixing the Command Center. The other Rangers would be lost without him. He deserves the promotion.

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The Power Rangers, minus Jason, morph to fight Green Ranger. He beats their asses with the Sword of Dorkness, so the other Rangers summon their Zords to form Megazord. Where did they get the T-Rex from? That’s Jason’s Zord. Megazord beats the Green Ranger, who remained at normal size. So the good Rangers had to summon a giant robot to match a six foot tall human. The Rangers are a sorry bunch.

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The Rangers return to the Command Center and almost resume contact with Zordon before he disappears again. If I was a Ranger I would take this opportunity to finally stop being a Ranger. “Uh, man, Zordon is gone for good. Looks like the Power Rangers are over. I guess we should quit. And go apply for college. Let the military handle this Rita stuff. You know? I’m in fucking high school. I need a life.”

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Jason has been taken prisoner by Rita and is held in The Dark Dimension, which really isn’t a different dimension, I don’t think. It’s a room that’s about ten feet wide with a fog machine. Rita only calls it the Dark Dimension to scare people. That’s just a storage room in the back of her Moon castle. They clear it out to host haunted houses for kids on Halloween.

Jason is trapped in the storage room without his Power Morpher. Worse, he has to face off against Goldar. The problem isn’t that he has to fight Goldar. The problem is that it’s a small room and Goldar is a gorilla. The stench has to be torture.

Goldar is a total flake in these scenes (and in every scene in the show’s history). He says that Jason is his “reward for faithful service” to Rita. Jason is scared this means Goldar will get to have sex with him. But it just means that Goldar is going to kill him…eventually.

Here’s how half this episode goes down. Goldar will taunt Jason for being “a pathetic human” who Goldar could kill in an instant. The something happens with the other Rangers and we go back to Jason and Goldar, and Goldar will still be talking about how easy it will be to kill Jason instead of, you know, actually killing him. “No mere human is a match for Goldar,” the dumb ape boasts, “I may toy with you before I dispose of you. Then again, I may not.” Goldar isn’t tough. He isn’t even good at talking tough.

Jason ducks into the fog to stay below the Goldar stink.

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