Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: 1.19 “Green With Evil” Part 3

Part 3 – The Rescue

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Jason continues to hide in the fog and Goldar continues to not do anything. Finally Jason get bored with lying around. He jumps up and kicks Goldar right in the chest. Goldar is knocked back and Jason brags, “How does it feel to be outsmarted by a human being?” Yeah, it’s called evolution, bitch!

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The Rangers go looking for Jason. Kimberly asks around the Youth Center, when she is accosted by Bulk and Skull again. They want her to kiss them. I think they want to date Kimberly together at the same time. Kimberly agrees to a kiss, if Skull closes his eyes. But this a clever ruse, as Kimberly steps back as Skull kisses Bulk. Oh man! Bulk chases Skull out of the Youth Center. He is totally going to kick that his friend’s ass for kissing him and turning him on.

Kimberly bumps into Tommy and asks if he has seen Jason. Being under Rita’s spell has made Tommy a jerk and he says, “Let me guess, you’re worried right? That is what you do best, isn’t it Kimberly?” Kimberly is one of those hot girls who is always used to boy kissing her ass because she intimidates them. She isn’t used to a guy speaking to her like Tommy does. Most boys are like, “Oh…um…but is Jason your…um…boyfriend?…No…cool…um…I…[splooge!]…Oh God! Oh God!” But hypno-Tommy is just, “Yo bitch, outta my way!” It turns Kim on, frankly.

Zack and Kim go after Tommy, but Rita sends some Putties to get in their way. This interrupts the two of them for all 40 seconds.

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Before we go to commercial break, we are treated a dance off between Billy and Zack, another stupid 2010 update. Billy does a jig in the middle of a woman’s aerobics class. Zack’s dance moves are a bunch of quick martial arts moves in the park. The TV declares Zack the winner, but I think Billy was the better dancer. The girls liked him, and I don’t think a girl will be happy if a boy takes her to the prom and does a bunch of high kicks on the dance floor in front of her.

God, when I watched Power Rangers in 1993, I was, like, there is no way this show can get dumber. 17 years later, I am proven wrong. It’s like in the 90s when I was a kid, I thought Bill Clinton was the worst president imaginable. Then I lived through eight years of the White House being occupied by a mentally handicapped alcoholic who masturbates to pictures of oil wells.

By the way, ABC keeps splashing a message on screen saying that we are “watching a new episode of Power Rangers.” That’s BS. This show was on 17 years ago! I suppose it’s new to most viewers. Probably 90% of the Power Ranger audience was not alive in 1993. 100% are virgins.

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Green Ranger teleports to the Dark Storage Room. He tells Goldar that Rita wants him to finish Jason. Goldar wants to stay, but Green Ranger is all, ‘You’ve been taking all day, you fucking ape. And you’re the only one here with a sword.’

Green Ranger and Jason fight. Jason tells Green Ranger to stop helping Rita. “She’s evil!” Jason yells. Green Ranger is all like, ‘I know that! She gave me an evil sword!’

It’s interesting that Rita and her collection of dick-lickers acknowledge that they are evil and revel in it. I mean, most bad guys throughout history like Hitler, Stalin and Cheney have all claimed to be on the side of justice. It’s not like Hitler was in his bunker cackling, “Ha. Soon my evil plan for world conquest will begin. My evil armies will enslave the world in an evil empire of darkness!”

Back at the Command Center, Billy has fixed their Communicators and is able to locate Jason and teleport him out of the Dark Storage Room, right before Green Ranger is about to stab him with a sword. Goldar is pissed and tells Green Ranger he failed and will remain here as punishment. Goldar spend a whole day failing to kill Jason but Green Ranger has to take all the blame. Goldar even outranks him even though Tommy is the only one of them who can say he’s ever beaten the Power Rangers. Jesus Christ, no wonder they had to put Tommy under a spell to bring him on their side. Who would willingly work for these clowns? Rita calls herself an empress but there are only, like, four people she rules over.

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Rita sends down her next lame ass solider, Scorpina, a scorpion woman. I’ve dated women who were scorpions. They stung me right through my heart!

The Ranger fight Scorpina for a short time before she retreats.

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Rita is jealous of Scorpina’s looks and applies on makeup. Yeah, in addition to being dumb, this show is sexist too. Her big plan is to cast a spell to cause eclipse. This will cut off Megazord’s solar power and render the giant robot powerless. If Megazord can only function with sunlight, then Rita should really just attack at night.

She sends giant Goldar down to attack the city. I guess the Power Rangers should stop this.

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