Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: 1.20 “Green With Evil” Part 4

Eclipsing Megazord

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The Rangers try to morph but are unable to. It seems the Morphing Grid has been fried or whatever. I am going to spare you the on screen explanation.

“But Goldar’s tearing the city apart!” cries Zack.

“There’s nothing I can do,” replies Alpha. Damn you Alpha. Damn you and your cold robot logic.

Now there is no one to stop Goldar. Except, you know, the military. A missile from an F-16 is really all you would need to kill Goldar. I can’t imagine he is anywhere as tough as the Cloverfield monster. Ever see footage of when an elephant escapes the zoo and rampages downtown? I’d put the Goldar threat at just below that. Sure, you want to stay out of the way, but it’s not a problem a tranquelizer gun and a well placed trap of peanuts can’t stop.

I guess this show must have made a bit more sense in Japan where their isn’t much of a military, so the Power Rangers would be the first line of defense against clay based monsters from the Moon. OK, by “made a bit more sense” I mean compared to the US version which makes zero sense. Goldar must be destroying the dilapidated inner city no one lives in anymore. If a Moon monster rampaged through Detroit, I think the military would stop it…after a couple of days. Those buildings are just rusting anyway, it’ll save taxpayer money to let a monster demolish them.

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Billy crosses some wires on the command console so the Rangers can morph. Alpha is a robot who has been living in the Command Center for 10,000 years and it wasn’t able to figure out how to do that. Reason #465433 why Alpha is useless.

The Ranger fight some Putties and then Scorpina. She throws her sword at them and knocks them around with her sting. I’ve felt many a sting from a Japanese woman, too. Mostly from their mace.

People evacuate the Youth Center as Goldar approaches. Bulk and Skull steal the Youth Center bus to drive away from the madness. They could have fit a lot of people in the bus. Cowards!

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Rita comes down to Earth to taunt the Power Rangers. The 2010 update added this stupid sunburst effect to the scene. I think it looks better without the new effect, don’t you? Be sure to write several angry letters to ABC about this. Here’s one I sent today.

From: Billie Green
Muddville, MI

To: ABC-TV
Hollywood or New York

GOD DAMN U ABC I HATE U I HATE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U MADE POWER RANGERS ALL STUPID N GAY W YUR COMIC BOOK STUFF N FLASHING COMCI BOOK SUN BURST OVER RITA REPUSLSHA QWEEN OF THE MOON. DAT IS SO RETARDED I WANT TO PUNCH A PILLOW. USUCK U TOOK MY PRESHUS CHILHDOOD MEMORY OF POWER RANGERS N HAD TO DERSTOY IT W YUR COMPUTER GRAFIX I WANT 2 PUKE U MAKE ME SICK I HOPE U DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Green with Evil

Goldar picks up the bus Bulk and Skull are in. He calls out Bulk and Skull by name and refers to them as friends of the Rangers. Rita and her gang know an awful lot about the Power Ranger’s day-to-day lives. Rita does spend a lot of time watching the kids through her telescope. She’s like those old people who spend all day by their window peering out at the people outside. Rita will see the young woman who lives across the street from her (on the Moon, I guess) bring a man into her home and then mutter “hussy”.

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The Putties try to push the bus over a cliff. This is crazy. It’s, like, the first time the Putties have ever tried to kill somebody.

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Bulk and Skull are terrifed they are about to die. They hold each other close. I would expect the two of them to finally relazie that they love each other. At with only minutes to live, to stop holding back and finally express their love physcially. The Putties are unsure whether to continue when they have to watch that and are soon too appaled to continue and Bulk and Skull are saved.

Instead, the Putties manage to push the bus down the cliff. The Power Rangers call their zords and form Megazord to grab the bus and place it on top of a mountain. The Rangers didn’t feel the need to morph to stop giant Goldar. I hope that bus has a way to get down.

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Alpha has almost restored contact with Zordon when Green Ranger teleports to the Command Center again. The should have put in some alarm in or a net up or something after the first time. Green Ranger pulls something out of Alpha’s butt to deactivate the giant can opener. However, a force field traps him.

Rita casts a spell that retrieves Green Ranger from the force field and makes him into a giant. Now Megazord has to face three monsters at once. It’s kind of funny because Megazord looks looks back and forth like its worried. I wonder how hot that Megazord costume got for the poor Ainu person they stuffed in there.

Rita brings on the eclipse. Megazord rapidly loses energy and, not having any backup energy source for some stupid reason, gets beat badly.

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Megazord is defeated. The Zords cry out as they are sent into a fire deep inside the earth, which is how it works if Megazord loses. If the Zords can feel pain, that has to be a horrible existance for them. When they aren’t called on to fight monsters that can often shoot lightning, they have to be confinded to an underground volcano.

The Rangers are devestated by the loss of their Zords. No, not because they had any emotional attachemnt, but because they are teeangers who don’t have cars of their own. Being 16 and commanding a giant fighting robot is the coolest thing ever.

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The Rangers sulk at the Command Center. Their Zords are destroyed, Zordon can’t be found and shit is all fucked. Hey, Rangers, maybe you shouldn’t sit you butts on the control console. That computer has the power to teleport people across planets and I don’t want one of you to shift a butt cheek and accidentally send some farm family from Iowa into a gas giant.

The computer has been able to use some biological blah blah blah to figure out that the Green Ranger is Tommy. Oh my!

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