Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: 1.34 & 35 “The Green Candle”

Season 1 Episodes 34 & 35
Airdate: November 16 & 17, 1993

Part 1

Tommy, the Green Ranger, is kicking Jermaine’s, the Black Ranger, butt at karate. But it’s cool ‘cause they are buds. Jermaine gets back at Tommy by calling him a wimp for not asking out Kimberly, the Pink Ranger, to the dance. Tommy is all like, “I’ll just kick this board in half.” KARATE!

Back at the Moon, Rita Repulsa proclaims, “I have the perfect plant to conquer that pathetic little planet Earth.” Who is she to call our planet pathetic? She lives on the Moon, which orbits Earth. And Rita doesn’t even live in a nice digs on the Moon; it’s a three room house. She has the only house on the Moon and still lives in the poor neighborhood. Rita is just jealous.

Tommy and Jermaine spar again but Jermaine does better; Tommy says it is because his friend got his mind on Kim. That crafty Jermaine! Jermaine demonstrates to Tommy how to hit on a girl. It involves invading her personal space and then stroking her arm even though she doesn’t want it.

Bulk and Skull say that girls are a waste of time. They don’t need females, they have each other, and one hole is the same as any other in the dark. Bulk pulls his jacket up to his head and taunts Tommy with this rhyme: “Roses are red; violets are blue. No girl in the world is going to go out with you.” Burn!

But Bulk’s fat head gets stuck in his jacket. Skull tries to help and the two somehow flip over and fall to the floor. Tommy and Jermaine laugh, then they say, “Hey ladies, come check this out.” And all the girls laugh at them. Tommy and Jermaine gives Bulk and Skull this taunt: “Roses are red, violets are blue.  We sure can learn something from you –NOT!

The Power Rangers can be fucking assholes sometimes.

Tommy and Kim are in the park where Tommy struggles to ask her out. He’s just another awkward 16-year-old boy who looks like a 20-year-old man. Kim is pretty dumb, so I suppose that’s why she can’t see how Goddamn obvious it is that Tommy likes her. Kimberly should just ask him out, but she seems like too much of a girly-girl to do that. She’s the only Power Ranger whose uniform has a skirt. And how about how every other Ranger is skilled at martial arts, but her thing is gymnastics?

Their non-date is interrupted by a Puttie attack. The Putties grab the kids and their morphers, and then Goldar appears.

“Say goodbye to Green Ranger forever!” Goldar tells Kim and then stabs the ground with his sword, causing Goldar, the Putties and Tommy to teleport away.

Goldar has Tommy trapped in the Dark Dimension, A.K.A. the detached garage that Rita makes Goldar sleep in. She doesn’t want that monkey smell getting into the rest of the house. Goldar calls it the “Dark Dimension” because it’s his bedroom and he wants it to have a cool name, especially after Rita took down his KISS posters.

Tommy tries to call for help, but Goldar tells him he won’t reach anyone with his communicator. The Dark Dimension has really poor reception.

Goldar informs Tommy that Rita has crafted a special green candle*, and when it melts, Tommy will lose his Green Ranger powers forever. What I find odd is that Goldar keeps calling Tommy “Green Ranger” even though Rita and her special needs gang know each Ranger’s true identity. Rita refers to the kids by their given names all the time. Goldar still hasn’t learned them yet.

*Let’s assume Rita makes scented candles in her spare time, and tries to sell them at craft fairs around Earth. Having her special needs gang behind her booth drives away a lot of business though, and this is where her hatred of Earth comes from.

The other Rangers are at the Command Center, wondering how they can rescue Tommy, when a monster attack appears on the Viewing Globe.

It’s Dragonzord! Oh no Rita has Tommy under her control! And is causing an oddly familiar earthquake. Man, stop putting your warehouse or whatever it is directly over a fault line.

But wait! Zordon informs the group that it’s really a shape-shifting cyclops monster. It’s not Tommy! Tommy would never betray the side of good!

The Rangers morph and fight a gang of Putties. The thing it, the Cyclops-as-Dragonzord is still destroying the city, but the Rangers are down on the ground with the Putties.

After the Red Ranger cries out “The monster is attacking the city!” like three separate times, the Rangers finally get around to calling on their zords. They should have skipped the Puttie fight. Just because Putties are there, doesn’t mean you have to fight them. Putties never even do anything, and even if they could cause damage, it would still be far less than the giant monster.

Back at the DD, Tommy is like, “Hey look over there!” and Goldar does and Tommy swipes his sword and teleports back to Earth. He morphs into the Green Ranger and calls on the real Drangonzord to help out.

THERE ARE TOW DRAGONSZOERDS IT BLOWS MY MIND WICH ONE IS THE REAL ONE!

Well, the Cyclops monster pops out of the battle and the Rangers return to the Command Center, where Alpha gives Tommy a scan and a clean bill of health. No viruses or need to defragment. Jason, the Red Ranger, has been to the DD and says “that’s one bad place.” Because that’s not fog on the ground, that’s concentrated Goldar odor.

Zordon informs the kids that it is true; when the candle melts, Tommy will lose his powers. Rita made the candle from a special form of wax, which Zordan says, “Once touched, it retains a person’s body energy.” “But I never touched anything!” Tommy says. “You did when you worked for Rita,” Zordon replies. “No way!” cries Kim, “and she’s been saving the wax all this time?” It sounds like Rita used Tommy for sex while he was hypnotized.

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