My Little Pony: 2.15 “The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000”

Season 2 episode 15

Airdate January 28 2012

Important characters: Applejack, the rest of the Apple family

Lesson of the Week: Technological progress is bad.

 

Its early in Ponyville. So early the sun has not yet been risen. Fluttershy is woken by a knock on her door.

“Who could be calling so early?” she wonders. Before she can even get out of bed the window flies open. Like a bolt in comes Rainbow Dash, thirsting, thirsting for one thing and nothing will stop her. She pulls of Fluttershy’s quilt.

“Squeek!” Fluttershy cries as she covers her nude body. Rainbow Dash eyes over Fluttershy, eager to begin. Fluttershy’s screams echo through the morning.

Was that a description of the beginning of the episode or the beginning of my clop fic? Only true fans will know.

It would seem that it is cider season in Ponyville. Rainbow Dash is tired of Pinkie Pie drinking so much cider that they run out before she gets any. Not this year. Rainbow Dash plans on lining up so early that she will be first in line and can lord her cider over Pinkie Pie’s head. Because she is such a good girl Dashie she first stopped to get Fluttershy first.

 

Rainbow Dash’s plan is foiled by Pinkie Pie, who not only decided to camp out, like its some sort of rock and rolling concert or one of those Calling Duty games the kids are always going on about, but told a bunch of other ponies about her plan to camp out which made them also camp out. She didn’t tell her best friends about this idea. This is probably payback for that time they left her in the desert.

Rainbow Dash always gets hated on for being selfish and brash but despite how much she desires cider she lets Fluttershy go before her. This proves to be her downfall as Fluttershy gets the last cup of cider! Thats a good message for the kids. If you’re generous to others you run the risk of not getting anything for yourself. The crowd led by Rainbow Dash turns ugly, demanding that more cider needs to be made. Rainbow Dash is especially justified in her anger, she paid but we never see her get a refund.

Applejack tries to appease the crowd, saying that they are trying methods to improve cider production but it takes time to make high quality cider. You ask me efficiency isn’t the problem. They make the cider the same day they sell it so it gets made pretty fast. What they should be doing is raising the price. The demand is there, so they can get away with it. This would keep ponies like Pinkie Pie from buying out the stock. Some ponies will be unhappy with paying more but the ponies who currently get none would be happy to be able to get some. If raising the price is out of the question then simply putting a limit on how much a single pony can buy could bring the product to more customers. Again those who would normally buy bulk amounts of cider will be disappointed but this will get it out to a larger group.

Even if these two options prove unsuitable they could simply increase their stock by hiring help with their production. They only have a four horse workforce. As we’ll see later they double their stock simply by getting more workers.

Pinkie Pie is rubbing the fact that she got cider into Rainbow Dash’s face when a large machine rolls on to the scene. Two ponies dressed like shucksters come out and immediately start singing. I know ponies sing all the time, but you would think an introduction would be polite. Who just runs up and starts singing at somebody other then Pinkie Pie? Plus like I said they look like shucksters. Would you ever trust somebody who wears a striped shirt, bow tie, and boater who just wandered into your town with a miracle cure? Maybe if you enjoyed being on the receiving in on a miracle tonic that makes your penis turn green but everybody else would tell them to put an egg in their shoe and beat off.

The song goes on for about fifteen years and is completely unnecessary. They sell cider. They have a machine that makes cider quickly. Thats all the background that you need. The only good thing to come from the song is this gif somepony put on Reddit. The end result of the song is that the town is pumped to build a monorail drink some cider

Flim and Flam propose a deal to the Apples. They provide the cider machine and magic to run it while the Apples provide the apples and sell the cider and are split 75 to 25, with the Flim Flam brothers getting the majority of the money. Instead of negotiating a better deal the Apples tell the brothers to suck a dick, they don’t need no machine to make their cider.

The next day of Cider season goes much like the first. Many ponies, not enough cider, poor Rainbow Dash gets the shaft yet again. The Flim Flams show up, but instead of offering deals on cider making machines today they are offering deals on cider! With negotiations broken down they have decided to run Sweet Apple Acres out of business. This makes them villains even though having a monopoly is more villainous then being a competitor in a market. They start selling cider but Applejack puts a stop to it, knocking Rainbow Dash’s cider out of her hoofs in the process.

Rainbow Dash frantically tries to shovel the cider into her mouth but its already mud. Then she gets up with tears in her eyes. This is like the saddest thing I have ever seen, thats like rock bottom right there. What did Rainbow Dash ever do to deserve this? What is her great sin she has to pay for? Why does she get so close every time only to have her one desire torn away at the last second?

Applejack points out the cider the Flim Flam brothers has used was from Sweet Apple Acres, and they don’t have permission to use it.  What she should do is only let Flim and Flam sell cider after the Apple family runs out, and then sell them the apples at an inflated price. Instead a series of events transpire where Applebloom acts like an idiot with the end result being a competition for the exclusive rights to sell cider in Ponyville.

The next day the competition is ready. The mayor announces the terms and there is an audience to watch. Applejack often gets involved in impromptu competitions with every other pony in town down with watching. These ponies are always just up for whatever. Somebody singing? Lets all go join in. A game of chess in the park? Everybody show up to cheer. Pinkie Pie says to go someplace? Sure everybody come along. The only way you can get these ponies to go home is to have a black person come to town.

The competition begins. By the time the Apples fill one barrow the Flim Flams have six. The Apples are also working very hard while Flim and Flam are sitting on a couch smoking a bowl since they have sweet magic to run the machine and the machine just sucks apples out of trees with a vacuum. This is suppose to be a Rabbit and the Hare sort of thing I think, except Flim and Flam aren’t being lazy, they just created a machine that is very efficient. I’m sure building and designing the machine was tough. We also know their cider is of the same quality as shown earlier during the song, so right now the message is “Do things the old inefficient way because.”

With the Apples behind by like one zillion barrels Twilight asks the mayor if honorary members of the Apple family can help. The mayor asks Flim and Flam if they are okay with this and they’re all “Whateva niggas.” Applejack is happy to accept the help (character development bros) so now all the mane characters are involved with the contest.

The extra help puts the Apples back in the lead. See, I told you they should have hired more people earlier. Panicked Flim and Flam increase the power of their machine, so much that it destroys apple trees putting all kind of debris in the cider. Then they turn off the quality control mechanism meaning the cider is being made with rotten apples. Do you see how competition in the free market leads to the destruction of nature and unsafe food? This episode was written by Upton Sinclair

Applejack refuses to compromise the quality of their cider, and as a result do not produce enough to keep up with Flim and Flam. Also for some reason Flim and Flam own Sweet Apple Acres now even though the farm was not the prize for the contest. It is quite clearly said the winner of the contest gets the right to sell cider in Ponyville. Cider production is only part of what Sweet Apple Acres does, and even if they only sold cider they wouldn’t have to give up the buildings and land. Sure they mention that cider is how the farm survives during the winter, but its not like they’re going to go out of business immediately. Plus the farm has been family owned since Ponyville was settled and has no labor costs. Why exactly do they have so much debt that they’re always talking about losing the farm? Maybe Applejack’s parents racked up a bunch of gambling debts to the mob.

The crowd looks sad, but really its the Apples own fault for apparently betting the farm on a stupid contest on who can make the most cider in 45 minutes when they explicitly say they value quality more then speed. Who decided Applebloom should be allowed to issue these sort of challenges? She hasn’t even gotten her period yet, what she says is irrelevent. Maybe Flim and Flam would do a better job winning over the town if they weren’t laughing manically.

Flim and Flam try to to sell their cider but because of all the gross shit that ended up in it the ponies of town are hella pissed at how gross it tastes. You would think they would start with the high quality barrels from earlier in the contest but whatever. There’s only a minute left in the episode, gotta get to a conclusion. Flim and Flam then leave town immediately for no reason.Thats what you get ya capitalists!

Because of the competition there is a shit town of cider, and since everybody is here, lets have a party! Applejack then drunkenly sends Celestia a letter about how she hasn’t learned shit because she knew she was right all along. Even though she lost the farm and only got it back due to plot convenience.

 Rating 5/10

Large parts of the episode don’t even make sense. It has the worst song of the entire series and thats including the song thats suppose to be bad. Then to wrap it all Applejack doesn’t even learn a lesson despite the many chances to learn a lesson. No lesson about taking a challenge you can’t win? No lesson about how you should always be trying to improve? No lesson hiring migrant workers? Forget Applejack, Rainbow Dash is the star of this episode. I felt more emotion in her epic quest then I did about Applejack’s retarded ass cider bullshit. Rainbow Dash took us on a roller coaster to her lowest point and once again to the peak of happiness when she finally succeeded.

 

God bless you Rainbow Dash.