My Little Pony: Adventures in Ponyville

A great man once said “The true measure of any TV show, movie, or board game is the quality of the video game based on it” and while that man may have never lived to see My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic,or possibly even existed the fact remains, there have not been any commercially released Friendship is Magic games yet. There is however a browser based game on The Hub’s website.

This is my little pony

The first thing you do is make a pony. My pony is named Prairie Wind. She hails from the vast wheat fields of Midwest Equestria. After her parents where killed by a tornado she traveled to Ponyville to find her place in life and spread the word of Mormon.

While making Prairie Wind I was disappointed to find out that many of the options are locked until you gain points. You are limited to three choices in each category when you initially begin. You actually have to earn a cutie mark before you can be a Pegasus and a unicorn requires two cutie marks, which from what I understand from the lore of the show shouldn’t even be possible. This is also oddly racist. Imagine if you played a game with humans. The default is a black guy, gaining one rewards allows you to be the Asian and beating the game twice opens up the white man. This is like that but ponies.

This is Ponyville. The game never gets more complicated then using the arrow keys to move and mouse to interact with the environment. This is good because the primary audience is preteen girls who are notorious for hating over complicated controls in video games. Walking through Ponyville you will see members of the mane cast walking around. Clicking on them may lead to helping solve a friendship problem.

Here I help Rarity with a dilemma. It would seem she has saved up enough from from working at her salon? Rarity has a dress shop, not a salon, but regardless, her nice saddle has earned the jealousy of Applejack and Fluttershy? They seem like the least likely ponies to be jealous. Maybe the saddle is made out of apples and small animals and that’s why they covet it.

And these are your choices. Depending on which one you choose you will obtain certain Friendship Sparkles which raises your traits such as laughter and generosity. As far as I can tell their are no wrong answers. The choices just changes which sparkles you obtain.  I suggested offering to help the other ponies get their own fancy saddles so my kindness and generosity traits rose.

As an aside, doesn’t Applejack look like she is in some freaky bondage gear? My little submissive.

Lets help Fluttershy now because she is the best pony.

Okay, this would appear to be Pinkie Pie’s dilemma , not Fluttershy’s. Fluttershy is just soliciting  possible solutions on Pinkie Pie’s behalf I guess.

And don’t even get me started on the friendship problem where one of the solutions to bring assignments to a sick Cherilee. Don’t they know Cherilee is the teacher! Who made this game? Its like they just hired some random programmers and gave them a quick overview of the show. They don’t even know who the characters are and their motivations!

Clicking on the rabbit does nothing. What if I wanted to solve bunny related friendship problems

Well, lets move on to the meat of Adventures in Ponyville, the mini games. There are three mini games and this is the way you earn those friendship sparkles and find out what your cutie mark shall be.

After a short movie that I shouldn’t be impressed by but I totally am because it has the pony I made in it! The game begins. I hope that is a random assistant pony down there and not suppose to be me because that is clearly NOT the pony I made.

The game is simple. Boxes come by on a conveyer belt. You use the mouse to move the confection matching the silhouette on the box on top of it before it falls off the conveyer belt. Too many blank or incorrect boxes and the game ends.  Pinkie Pie comes out fairly regularly to bring you more sweets and if you feed her you get bonuses. I don’t think there is any way to win. You just go on until you fail. It teaches children a valuable lesson there is not victory, only survival. I was doing good until my cat decided to try stealing the chicken and broccoli I had sitting on my lap. I don’t think there is a pause button.

The next mini game I played was Rainbow Dash based. If anypony is going to have a good mini game based on her profession it is going to be Rainbow Dash.

Dash needs help clearing the clouds so Twilight Sparkle gives wings to me and some other pony. I don’t know who that is. They call her my friend but I ain’t never seen her before. Looks kind of like Scootaloo, but Scootaloo already has wings. Also isn’t giving ponies wings suppose to be super tough? Why I am being given wings so willy nilly?

The arrow keys move you up and down left and right. You get points for hitting clouds, but thunder clouds stun you unless you hit them from the top. In addition  your friends gets tired and you lift her back up into the air by flying into her from below.  I tell you, this lady is dead weight. One time I pushed her up but ended up right in a thunder cloud. She didn’t even ask if I was okay. Come on now.

The third, and last, game is helping Applejack apple buck. The story is that Snip and Snails stole her apples and while she is searching for them in order to get retribution (I assume) you have to harvest incredibly fast growing apples. The apples start small, get bigger, when they reach a certain size you click on the tree and they fall in the basket. Then you click the basket to pick it up and click the wagon to put them in the wagon. Its all about timing and going as fast as possible. Like the other games if you make too many mistakes the game ends. Snip and Snails also show up at the bottom occasionally and you have to click on them to scare them away before they steal more apples. Those guys fucking love apples.

So I’ve played the games, solved some problems, but now I still don’t have my cutie mark. I’m also getting bored but there is no way to save the game, so I have to keep going. I now know how the cutie mark crusaders feel. I’ve been at this for almost an hour now including my time writing things, eating chicken and fighting a cat. The fact that my wireless decided this would be a good time to stop working right. Browser games don’t work well when everything is going slow. How am I suppose to buck apples if there is lag?

Unfortunately it was at this point I realized the lag wasn’t because of the wireless, but something much more sinister, Adobe Reader. The program decided in the middle of my Apple Bucking to start downloading an update and freeze part way through. I’ve never had Adobe Reader finish a status update. Maybe one of those updates was to make sure it didn’t freeze my computer every time it updated but I didn’t get it because it froze. This was the last straw I tell you, I finally removed it and downloaded one of those random PDF programs from the interweb that actually works. However since I am unwilling to restart this means no cutie mark for me. I will never be a unicorn.

Instead of having journalistic integrity and finishing the Adventures in Ponyville I decided to check out The Hub’s other MLP game, Castle Crashers. Turns out it is basically an internet color form, which is pretty nifty since color forms are the most fun thing ever.

The ponies have received a mysteries invitation to a party at a castle. Unbeknownst to them this is the lair of Count Sweetie Belle! She is getting them all liquored up so that she can more easily suck their blood! Oooooh, scary. Look out everypony, evil is afoot.