I don’t know if you follow the news as little as I do, but apparently, some policemen in Minneapolis killed a black man named Floyd George. Which made people so angry that they rioted all over America. And I’m sitting here thinking, “Hey fellas, what’s with the outrage? Cops kill black men all the time. Why are you suddenly mad now?”

Must be everyone was itching to get out after weeks of having to stay home due to COVID-19. I’m glad we as a country have decided that we are no longer going to care about the coronavirus. I was sick of not being allowed to go to the garden center to eat bird seed or attend mass gatherings with my cult. And I’m positive these protests won’t lead to any new outbreaks of COVID-19. Those protesters are on the side of social justice, so they’ll be immune.

There have not been any protests where I live. But I live in small town in Michigan, where the few black people here are just happy to have escaped Detroit. Still, I stay on alert for any signs of a riot brewing. When I pass a black person on the sidewalk (we taught them to walk on the sidewalk instead of the middle of the street like they do in their urban environments) I keep my eye on them. I give them the stink eye and don’t break it until they are out of view. Occasionally, one will say something (“Whaddafuq u doin’?”) and I’ll get spooked and run away.

Anyway, because there is a major political movement underway in America, our nation’s celebrities have to make their voices heard, by virtue signaling on social media. 57 years ago, Charlton Heston and others marched with Dr. King, but posting from an iPhone is just as brave. One of many stars to express platitudes online was Lea Michele, best known as Rachel Berry on Glee, and not much since.

That’s when things went hilariously wrong for her. After Lea posted the following message on Twitter: “George Floyd did not deserve this. This was not an isolated incident and it must end. #BlackLivesMatter”, a black actress named Samantha Marie Ware, who guest stared on Glee, replied (in all caps because black women type like they talk):

“LMAO REMEMBER WHEN YOU MADE MY FIRST TELEVISON GIG A LIVING HELL?!?! CAUSE ILL NEVER FORGET. I BELIEVE YOU TOLD EVERYONE THAT IF TOU HAD THE OPPORTUNITY YOU WOULD “SHIT IN MY WIG!” AMONGST OTHER TRAUMATIC MICROAGRESSIONS THAT MADE ME QUESTION A CAREER IN HOLLYWOOD… ”

First off, I’m skeptical that Lea Michele ever threatened to shit in a black girl’s wig, because I find it hard to believe a white woman would ever say anything that hilarious. Second, I don’t think a microaggression can by definition be traumatic. That would make it a real aggression. Like, if Lea held Samantha down and shit on her head while calling her the n-word, that would be aggressive and traumatic. But that’s not worth quibbling about.

The fact is, Lea’s bad attitude was confirmed by three other black actors who worked with her, Amber Riley and Alex Newell from Glee, and Yvette Nicole Brown from the short lived sitcom The Mayor (which was Parks & Recs if written by hacks). The two dumb Millenials communicated via animated .gifs, which is annoying. But Yvette, a grown woman and Christian, used words. Bless.

So it looks like Lea Michele hates black people. That would make her a racist, which is not a good thing to be now that we are expected to care about black people. As far as I can tell, this hasn’t cost her any acting work, but only because it’s been awhile since she’s had any. Hello Fresh (whatever that is) dropped their endorsement deal with her, meaning Lea will no longer receive free cabbage.

Lea Michele apologized on Instagram. Instagram is a platform for photos, but Lea[’s publicist] typed out an apology and put it on an image file. I don’t like that. I wish people still wrote on blogs instead of social media. But I get why. No one reads blogs anymore. This is a blog, and no one will read this. Still, Lea Michele really shit on my wig by making me read text placed on a picture.

Unfortunately for Lea, apologizing over social media never works. No one ever receives the forgiveness they were hoping for. If anything, the situation only gets worse for the person who apologized. Because after Lea said sorry, more actors came forward with stories about how horrible she was. Among them: Glee costar Heather Morris, Gerard Canonico, Imia Edwards, Plastic Martyr, Monica Moskatow, Jordan Pruitt, and Dabier Snell. I don’t know who those people are, but Kate Hudson don’t like Lea Michele neither!

But that’s actually good news. Because now we know Lea is not just mean to black people. She is mean to white people as well. Which means Lea Michele is not a racist. Lea Michele is just a huge cunt! She’s a theater kid from New York City, that shouldn’t surprise anyone.

Finally, let’s put this in perspective. In the history of Glee, this is really only the fifth or sixth worse thing to have happened. Two actors died, one had a drug overdose, another committed suicide to avoid a prison term for possessing child pornography. I think Glee is cursed.