Saved by the Bell: 204 “Driver’s Education”

Season 2 Episode 4
Airdate: September 29, 1990

Boycott the Caf name: “Learning to Drive a Golf Cart in a Classroom”
Issue of the Week: Learning to drive

Saved By the Bell Drivers Ed Saved By the Bell Drivers Ed

Zack gives Kelly a “friendship ring” even though she is not ready to go steady. Oh, come on, Kelly, you’ve been going out for a year. That makes you married in high school world. Kelly at least likes the ring and gives Zack a kiss, causing the audience breaks out into a big collective WHOOOOO! Either Saved by the Bell used canned laughter,  or else shared an audience with Full House and Boy Meets World.

Note: The word bubbles in the above screencaps contain actual dialog that occurred in that scene. The thought bubbles contain what I interpret the characters to be thinking at the time, based on my analysis of the subtext of the show. My English degree has to be put to use somehow.

Saved By the Bell Drivers Ed Saved By the Bell Drivers Ed

The kids are excited to soon be taking driver’s education, which, for them, is a class in school. That’s a sweet deal. For me, it was a program you took outside of school on the weekends and early morning. And the instructor would make us drive him to yard sales around the county. I am not lying.

At the Max, the kids complain that none of them have enough money for a car, even though that would be the norm for teenagers any place other than Los Angeles, I guess. But Slater was able to save up to buy a car and shows it to the others, who look at it with disgust. Too bad any real 16 year old would be impressed with any car, no matter the poopiness. God damn California preppy motherfuckers. They’re too spoiled.

But all it takes is the gang washing it down and that fixes it right up. Zack is jealous, but does not fear this, for he will turn 16 in seven months and then can save up to buy his own car. But Slater will be 16 next week! Then he can take Kelly for rides! Well, he has to get a licence first. I mean, if he’s taking driver’s ed now, he’s going to have to wait a few months until he passes and is granted a driver’s license. I don’t think any of the kids understand this.

Zack calls a time out. Zack has the power to dtop time, which makes everyone else freeze so Zack can address us, the viewers, directly. That’s the crazy superpower Zack Morris has. I once debated the nature of Zack’s power with my friends. We wondered if calling time out only froze the people in the room with him, or affected the entire world. We agreed it was more reasonable that Zack could only freeze the people inside the room. We then discussed what would happen if someone from the unfrozen outside entered a room Zack froze. Would that person freeze as well, or remain unfrozen and wonder what the fuck was going on? We logically concluded that an incident like that would destroy the universe due to the convergence of a time/space ripple, which is why Zack only uses the power sparingly. There are many, many times when Zack could have gotten out of a jam by freezing people, but chose not to, because his great power carried great responsibility. By the way, we discussed all this in a high school English class. I am jobless now. I do not believe that correlates to having talked about Saved by the Bell all the time in school.

Anyway, Zack tells us that he vows to make Slater fail driver’s ed.

Saved By the Bell Drivers Ed

Zack’s first scheme is to meet with the driver’s ed teacher, Mr. Tuttle, before class and tell him that Slater was acting all cocky and claimed to know more about driving than the teacher. Instead of being skeptical about something Zack says, or just not caring what a teenager thinks, Tuttle totally believes it and is pissed at Slater. He calls Slater a “hotshot” and tells him “Pushy, pushy move your tushy” into the  golf cart. Yes, driver’s ed consists of steering a golf cart inside  a classroom. This explains why the kids think Slater will be able to drive as soon as he turns 16. They’re not being trained to drive cars. I don’t think there exists an outdoors in the Saved by the Bell universe; the kids spend most of their time in the school. And they only ever eat at the Max, which is owned by the school. They’re taking driver’s ed so they’ll be allowed to drive the school golf cart in the halls.

Slater kicks ass maneuvering the golf cart. He does it really quickly with a cartoon fast forward effect, which wows the room so much that Tuttle asks him to be his assistant next year. Slater declines, saying he will spending that time driving his lady about. The lady is Kelly!

Zack has a pink bordered daydream in which Slater is at the drive-in-theater with Kelly in his fancy car, while Zack has to take Screech on his bicycle. Each couple will all make out at the end of the night.

Saved By the Bell Drivers Ed

Zack’s second scheme will have to involve some effort this time. Step 1 is to pay twenty bucks to Slater for a driving lesson after school. Step 2 is to have Screech impersonate Tuttle over the phone to get Mr. Belding to get the keys for what they call the car, but is really the cart. But they’re 16, what do they know? Let them pretend. Zack then makes Screech stall Belding by asking for the really long story of how he became principal. It all started in 1956 when Belding was kindergarten on a finger painting scholarship…

Saved By the Bell Drivers Ed

Zack meets Slater in the hallway. They have the golf cart with them, of course. Zack is all set for Slater to get in trouble, when Kelly comes by. Slater offers to give her a ride to volleyball practice, but instead crashes cart into some lockers, which bop Kelly on her head. The three of them all cheese it before Belding arrives.

Saved By the Bell Drivers Ed Saved By the Bell Drivers Ed

Belding and Tuttle argue over whose fault it is for letting the “car” get out. They hate each other. Tuttle was next in line to be principal and I also wager there was a rivalry between them in the past over a woman, or, more likely, a Japanese sex pillow.

Slater and Kelly are prepared to go to Belding and take the blame, when Screech comes by, opens his locker which has no lock, and accidentally lets it slip that Zack set them up. They corner the little nerd and he confesses that Zack wanted Slater to be caught in the “car.” The gang all reason that this is really Zack’s fault.

No, not really. I mean, Slater still crashed the cart all by himself. Zack didn’t sabotage the cart or anything either, he just wanted Belding to catch Slater driving it without permission, which Slater did of his own free will. The crash was all AC Slater’s doing.

Saved By the Bell Drivers Ed

The kids are all at the Max, because that is the only place these fucking kids ever eat. Kelly pretends to have amnesia and take a shine to Slater. Zack is worried and jealous and says he will confess if  it means she can go to doctor. I guess Kelly can’t go to a doctor otherwise, for some reason. But Kelly lets it slip that she knows Zack’s name and that scheme is ruined, which didn’t make any sense in the first place but neither does anything else on this dumb fucking show.

Back in driver’s ed, Zack tells them not to worry, because if no one confesses, Belding will have to let the whole thing drop. But instead, Belding threatens to cancel the course and make everyone repeat it next year unless someone comes forward. Kelly is the first to throw herself on the sword. Belding is surprised to hear this because he suspects Zack, because Zack is always causing madness like this. But then Slater steps up and confesses so Kelly won’t get in trouble. Belding is still shocked and appalled that no one else was responsible, but Slater said he drove into the locker. “I was in the seat,” he says. “I’ll take the heat.” Oh, Slater.

Just as it looks like Slater will take the punishment, Zack finally confesses to setting Slater up because he was jealous. OK, Belding has him now! Slater is given two weeks detention, while Zack flunks driver’s education and will have to repeat the course next year. Even though Slater crashed the cart. Belding just hates Zack.

God, this show makes even less sense than Degrassi.

Best Outfit:

Kelly’s loose fitting salmon top with tight fitting, crazy 80s style mini skirt.

Saved By the Bell Drivers Ed