Switched at Birth: 1.05 “Dogs Playing Poker”

Season 1 Episode 5
Airdate: July 4, 2011

Bay and Ty are somewhere in the barrio about to make whoopee. However, Ty breaks it off when neither of them can produce a condom. ABC Family promotes safe sex! And often! This is the first time a Mexican has ever called off sex due to lack of birth control.

I’m surprised he even knows what a condom is. The Pope is going to be sooo mad!

Ty drives her home and they make out in his truck. Bay’s dad finds them. He watches them for a little bit and then Bay’s parents give her a talkin’ to.

But the folks disagree on how to handle this. Johnathon wants to order Bay to never see him. “If we do that we are going to be raising Ty Junior in a year,” warns Kathryn. “She’s trying to figure out who she might have been. What kind of life she might have had.” Bay wants to experience what it would be like to a typical Mexican-American girl by getting pregnant in high school.

The parents’ solution is to have Bay invite Ty over for dinner. If her parents like Ty, then Bay will no longer think Ty is cool! Like the day when Bay was 13 and thought she was the first person in her house to discover Janis Joplin. Bay is taken aback by the invitation, and says that her mom and dad never asked to meet Liam when she started dating him. “Liam’s family is one of the good ones,” says Kathryn. “Oops I mean we knew him.”

At the guesthouse, Daphne is sad over breaking up with Liam in the previous episode. “Why don’t you hang out with Toby?” suggests Regina. Oh no, the Daphne/Toby romance begins! NoooOOOOO!

Regina met a man at the party. His name is Bruce and he sent her flowers. Kathryn knows who Bruce is and warns Regina that he is a “player” with two-ex wives and even does the finger quotes thing. Then, to further her point, she does the thing where she repeatedly slides her index finger through a hole made by the index finger and thumb of her other hand. Kathryn asks her why she is seeing him. “I’m a grown woman, he’s a grown man,” explains Regina. And he’s rich.

Kathryn does not want Regina to have sex in guesthouse. Regina is appalled that Kathryn thinks she can order her around. “Exactly what base am I allowed to go to?” she asks sarcastically. Kathryn does know because WASPs do not have bases. They have croquet “wickets” and there are 49 of them, each with distinct definitions. Regina stakes her territory by saying that the only reason she will not bring him over is because she shares this space with her mother and daughter. Not that that would have mattered a century ago. You ever see Little House on the Prairie? There was no privacy among that family. It was a little house. When Ma and Pa were making Laura, Mary was in the loft right above them trying to get to sleep.

Dad drives Bay to Ty’s house so she can ask him to dinner. It’s a weird that he has to chaperone her to ask him. Dad worries if he doesn’t get her out of there within 5 minutes, she’ll wind up pregnant.

Later, Bay talks to Daphne and grants her permission to date Liam, her ex, which upset Bay in the [[previous episode]]. “I already broke up with him,” says Daphne. “Happy?” “Yes,” replies Bay. “…I mean no. No.”

A reporter was at the party and now the story of the switch has made front page of the paper. Regina is offended because it describes her as “plucked” from the poor neighborhood and Daphne as “disabled”. I guess it’s politically incorrect to refer to someone who lacks the use of one of her senses as disabled. I do agree that the Vasquez family wasn’t “plucked” from East Riverside. They were “evicted”.

Kathryn tries to ask Regina about Ty, since they were neighbors. She asks whether it is all right to leave Ty and Bay alone together. “Is everybody sex crazed in your world?” asks Regina. “Yes,” replies Kathryn. “I and all my girlfriends watch Lifetime 15 hours a day.”

Regina tells Kathryn about Ty. She starts by describing him as “part Cherokee.” What? I thought only white people pulled that dumb Cherokee heritage card. For a people who basically were annihilated, the Cherokee somehow managed to have sex with about 95% of the US population.

Toby wants to use Daphne and Emmett to cheat at a poker game, because deaf people are supposed to be good at reading people. They go along with it because they can make money. Bay warns Daphne that Toby has a gambling problem, and she had to use all of her birthday money to bail him out last time. Daphne and I still have no idea how much money that could be, so she still wants to help him gamble. But Daphne should hope it was a lot because then she could win big. It’s not like she’s risking any of her money.

Kathryn tries to give Bay a sex talk. Bay, of course, really does not want to hear it. “You really don’t think that I have anything useful to tell you?” Kathryn asks. No, no you do not. Kathryn has never said anything useful about anything.

The other people at the poker table are Wilkie, Haruku and Cheese. A totally diverse group of rich kids. Just like in real life. Haruku says she is glad that two deaf people add to the diversity of the group, which previously was just her. Cheese reminds her that he is black. “Dude, you drive a Hummer,” says Haruku, “you are not diverse.” That’s rude. What, the Asians are making jokes about blacks now? Black people, you’re falling behind if the Asian can crack jokes about you. Those people are never funny.

The poker game is underway. Daphne notices that Wilkie shakes his leg when he does not have good cards. Deaf Powers Activate!

The three are still out at the poker game when Ty arrives for dinner. Ty brought flowers to win over Kathryn. “I picked them out of your flower garden. I was watching a Boy Meets World marathon earlier today.”

Bay wants Daphne here to help back up Ty (they are friends from the Eastside). Regina and Grandma Vasquez are at the dinner, so Bay assures Ty, “We still have them outnumbered.” She means racially. They got whitey into a corner tonight. “Don’t bring up politics.” Regina advises Ty how to deal with Johnathon, “he does own guns.” Oh, so they have something in common!

Back to the poker game. Cheese makes the offhand comment, “I may drive a Hummer, but I’m way too black for ultimate frisbee.” He’s way too defensive about the Hummer. Owning a Hummer seems like a pretty black thing to do. It’s a flashy, oversized and wasteful symbol of wealth. It’s taking the philosophy of owning platinum rims that spin and applying it to the entire vehicle.

With their help, Toby is up ahead and Daphne and Emmett are ready to leave. Toby confesses to the two that he is in debt to Wilkie a lot of money from previous games and needs them to stay and help him. Emmett doesn’t see that as his problem and leaves.

Bruce, Regina’s date, arrives to take her out. He greets Grandma Vasquez with some Spanish. “You speak Spanish,” says Regina, pleasantly surprised. “I was in prison in Venezuela for seven years,” replies Bruce.

John and Kathryn greet Bruce. “I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting Daphne yet,” says Bruce. “Plenty of time for that,” says John being territorial, “no rush.” This is as subtle as ABC Family writers are capable.

Regina leaves for her date, and Grandma Vasquez just leaves. So the dinner is down to four. Ty got his GED after not graduating high school and was recently laid off from a construction job. Way to win over the parents.

But then Ty surprises them by announcing that he enlisted in the Army. Gotcha there, Republican parents! You can’t hate him now. He leaves for basic training on Thursday.

This is the first Bay has heard of any of this. She is shocked and appalled that she just met this guy and he’s going away. They wonder if things would have been different if Bay grew up in his neighborhood. I don’t think it would have changed Ty’s life that much. It’s not like Bay growing up in the barrio could affect whether he joins the army. That has more to do with economics.

The poker game is down to Wilkie and Toby. Wilkie puts down a thousand dollars. The Toby goes all in because Daphne saw Wilkie shake his leg. But Wilkie was faking her out. He has the winning hand. Toby’s winnings are wiped out and he is even more in debt by an undetermined amount.

John and Kathryn are left alone in the house. Oh, what a crazy dinner that was. “No one even touched the brownies,” complains Kathryn. “I baked them with LSD. I just want to feel alive again.”

Toby and Daphne get home and he blames her for the loss. “Do you even know how much I lost tonight?” he yells.  No.

Regina also gets home and has a talk with Bay that having sex with Ty isn’t going to make him not go into Army.

The next morning, Bay says goodbye to Ty. Ty reveals that he had a condom with him that night. But he didn’t want to stick it to her until she knew about the Army. But now she does and he can totally bang her. Bay leaves.

That night, Daphne tells Bay about Toby’s poker game. They watch as Toby loads his guitar to take to a pawnshop. Man, Wilkie is in his band, he could just give the guitar over to him and borrow it when they do gigs. Bay asks Daphne how much he lost.

“He wouldn’t say,” Daphne says.

“That means it’s really bad,” says Bay. Dun dun DUN!

Go to hell Paul Stupin, you bring nothing of value to society.