Switched at Birth: 1.17 “Protect Me From What I Want”

Season 1 Episode 17
Airdate: February 14, 2012

The Buckner basketball team is getting shaken up for the playoffs. Daphne, who has been benched for her entire tenure, now has a chance to make the starting lineup. Simone thinks she can do it. “You want me to start with you?” Daphne asks. “Absolutely,” replies Simone, “you’re my girl.” Let’s be immature and assume Simone and Daphne want to have lady sex.

Emmett is over at the Kennish Kompound. Bay is surprised to see how many grapes he can eat in one sitting. You know what they say about a boy who can fit a lot of grapes in his mouth! Whooo!

No? You don’t know what they say? … No one does? It’s OK, it only really applies if your vagina looks like a bunch of grapes.

Anyway, Emmett has to take a family portrait for his photography class, which you can imagine is a popular class at a school for the deaf. He says he can’t take a photo of his family because they always fight. The sign he makes for “fight” is choking and a hanging, which is a funny way to say that his parents argue a lot. American Sign Language is very poetic. Kathryn volunteers her family for Emmett’s assignment.

Simone gives Daphne a new dress. She also thinks Regina would also look hot in it. They aren’t biological related, so Simone sees nothing wrong with being in a mother-daughter threesome.

Simone hired a coach for the day to help her and Daphne. It seems overkill for a high school team.

Regina cuts the hair of a man who curates an art gallery. Regina says that Bay is a really talented artist, so he goes to look at some of her art. Then, the curator asks her out to barbeque. In Kansas City. That is a very romantic gesture.

There is some charity-hitting-baseballs thing that John is eager to participate in and show off how awesome he is at hitting baseballs. He bugged Toby to take part so he could showoff how better he is than his son. But Toby hits extremely well, totally out of the thing. What is it called? Ah yes, the baseball playpen. Toby hit them out of the playpen.

Monica tells Daphne and Simone that her búrritas are banned from practicing in the Buckner facilities or any other private school because of Simone’s missing watch. Monica says they have nowhere to practice. Her school doesn’t have a basketball court? I can’t believe they build schools in America without one. That’s like a school in Japan without a dojo. It’s doesn’t just have to be used for gym, either. In my high school, the basketball court was where they held graduation. In elementary school, the court doubled as the cafeteria.

But Simone found her watch. Daphne wants her to tell their coach, but Simone says no. I can understand Simone. That Monica chick totally started a fight with her over it, so fuck her.

OK, so Bay and Simone used to be friends, and now that Daphne is starting to see what a B-word Simone is, asks Bay what happened. Bay says they were Mean Girls together. They got this nerdy girl who wanted to be their friend and videotaped her saying how much she liked a boy over and over again and sent the tape around school. Bay felt guilty about this but Simone did not and they stopped hanging out after that. “I still feel sick when I think about it,” says Bay. So there is a point where even Bay won’t be awful to someone.

The curator doesn’t think Bay is ready to be shown. It turns out the teenager who grew up rich and spoiled doesn’t have a lot to say as an artist. However, he wants to show one of Regina’s paintings. It’s something she created when she was recovering from alcoholism and made it with shards of beer bottles. I am not making a joke. That’s what she did. Regina is fucking intense! That’s a hell of thing to hang in your living room.

Kathryn is mad at Regina for getting Bay’s hopes up about getting into a galley. Regina replies that, “Rejection is 99% of being an artist.” But Kathryn doesn’t believe it. She imagines that Julia Roberts is going to play her in the movie version of her best-selling autobiography.

Daphne tells the basketball coach about Simone’s watch. But Simone pulled a Cartmen by already confessing and pinning the blame on her.

Coach: I went out on a limb to put you on this team and I’m starting to regret that decision

Daphne: You put me on the team because I’m deaf and the school gets disability funding.

Coach: uh…Let’s start clean. You should tryout for Point Guard.

Daphne: So…I’ll be up against Simone?

Simone calls Daphne a poor friend for competing against her. Daphne says it wasn’t her decision and also Simone tried to frame her for the watch. Simone claims she did not.

“You probably misunderstood him,” Simone says, “He doesn’t move his lips very much when he talks.” BURN!

In an effort to get the curator’s attention, Bay graffitied her street art next to the gallery, as she does around town. But the curator dismisses the artist as a “Bansky wannabe”. According to Wikipedia Bansky is a British graffiti artist  who Bay has been pretty much ripping off.

So Daphne and Simone have to play each other one-on-one for a spot on the starting lineup. If the song they are playing in the background is Drake? All black guys sound a like to me when they rapping against autotune.

Emmett shoots the combined Kennish-Vasquez family photo.

John asks his son why he never pursued baseball when he is so good at it. Toby replies that even if he made it into the pros, he would always be in his father’s shadow. Also, he likes music way more. “I don’t know anything about music,” John replies. Then the camera cuts straight to Emmett. LOL!

There is also a small plot about Emmett being jealous that Bay dated Ty before him. I assume Emmett knows Ty from the barrio days. Bay assures him that they did not have sex, but Emmett is still not happy. Maybe Emmett and Ty dated before they knew Bay, so that is why he is jealous. Emmett did tell her he was not a virgin.