Switched at Birth: 1.23 “This Is the Color of My Dreams”

Season 1 Episodes 23
Airdate: September 3, 2012

This is the 23rd episode of Switched at Birth. It aired in September. The 22nd episode aired in May. ABC Family referred to this as the “fall premiere.” However, this is not the second season premiere. Bizarrely, we’re still in season 1, which will have thirty episodes over a 16 month time period. The second season won’t actually begin until January 2013.

It’s a wedding! Regina walks down the aisle. Bay and Daphne are her bridesmaids. Angelo is the groom! OMG! WTF! DSG! The priest asks her, “Why are you doing this?” The priest is Regina’s boyfriend.

Regina wakes up. It was only a dream. Fucking bullshit, because all summer ABC Family ran clips of Regina in a wedding dress as the preview. ABC Family makes TeenNick look like a professional outlet. I knew this wasn’t a real Mexican wedding; there was no piñata and Regina wasn’t showing nearly enough cleavage.

Bay went to the Galapagos over the summer as some sort of school thing. She came back and is now wearing pantyhose under jean shorts like a hussy. She met boyfriend who looks like James Franco. His name is Alex.

Bay split up with Emmett after he admitted to cheating on her. Emmett wrote Bay a letter and Daphne put it in her bedroom, but Bay is not going to read it.

Regina has a bandage on her wrist and explains that she injured her tendons due too signing and cutting hair. Did the actress sprain her wrist over hiatus? It would be odd for Regina to be talking about that otherwise. Anyway, Regina fills Bay in on Angelo’s upcoming immigration hearing. She is hopeful that Angelo will get to stay in country under the excuse that being deported will cause undue hardship on his two daughters who have so far done well without him.

Daphne applied for jobs all summer, but has had no success. She has an interview for a restaurant. It goes well until the manager, not knowing Daphne is deaf, inquires about her accent. “It’s a deaf accent,” says Daphne, surprising the manager. “My dog is deaf,” replies the manager. “You poor thing.” And then she talks louder as if that will help. Of course, Daphne does not get hired.

There is a launch party for Kathryn’s book about the switch. It’s actually been published? Until I hear otherwise, I am going to assume she self-published it on Lulu.com.

Also, it turns out Regina’s boyfriend doesn’t want to get married, since his parents had a crappy marriage and if mommy and daddy can’t love each other who can! But Regina does. She’s all dreaming about it and shit.

Also, Kathryn wrote about Emmett in her dumb little book. Bay only finds out about this at the launch party because Alex is reading it and asks her about him. Bay confronts her mother. Kathryn is sad to learn her daughter didn’t read her book. Bay should have pointed out that it’s summer vacation so she ain’t reading shit. Kathryn says she had to include Emmett because he is part of their family’s story “I can’t erase that,” states Kathryn like she has actual journalistic standards. It should be clear that I hate Kathryn. Kathryn is probably the stupidest person on any ABC Family show. And that is saying a lot when the median IQ of a character on The Secret Life of the American Teenager is 2.

Later, Kathryn decides to start a blog to promote her book. This means she is too busy to be home when the cable guy is scheduled to come over sometime between 10am today and 5pm three days from now. John has an actual job so can’t be home and they argue over this.

At school, Simone tries to apologize to Bay. Simone was the girl Emmett slept with. Bay doesn’t want to hear anything from that bad news b-word.

When Bay gets home, she finally opens the letter from Emmett. It’s a treasure map! Exciting adventures a wait!

Bay drives her tank car (that I still maintain can turn into a giant fighting robot) to the location. Emmett has tagged a building with graffiti showing a timeline of their relationship: their first kiss, her birthday, the first felt her boobs. Emmett knew this would be the way into Bay’s heart, as Bay loves nothing more than she loves graffiti. I would complain about what a dick Emmett is for vandalizing someone’s property, but he appears to have graffitied a factory in the Midwest, so it’s probably been closed down for years.

Daphne asked for Kathryn’s for help getting a job, so Kathryn used her connections with the elite of Kansas City to get her hired in a kitchen. Daphne is happy, but the head chef is one angry dude and isn’t going to cut her any slack. I bet he watches a lot of Gordon Ramsey shows and wants to be just like him. Also, the kitchen staff is way less Mexicany than I’d expect.

Daphne’s deafness causes some problems. She mis-lipreads the chef’s instructions, and he gets mad when he sees her cutting up artichokes. That’s not what he wanted. She was supposed to skin the aardvark. Then she can’t hear a man behind her and collides with him, spilling a tray of food. Daphne is fired.

Kathryn was too busy blogging to cook dinner tonight, which makes John upset. John is all, “I am not a caveman. I just expect my woman to cook and clean for me.” And Kathryn is all, “I can’t do that. I have a blog now.” If other shows I see on ABC Family are any indication, John will have an affair soon. Man, they are rich, they should hire some help. They have two Mexican woman living with them, come on.

Daphne hasn’t been fired because disability law says the chef has to accommodate her. But the chef doesn’t want to. He refuses to look at her when he speaks and demotes her to dishwasher. He tells her that contrary to what she was told as a child, she cannot do anything she wants and dreams do not always come true. His dream was too have several popular restaurant shows in Britain where he yells all the time, and then get a development deal at Fox where he brings those shows to the US, but as crappier versions. That has yet to come to fruition.

Bay and Alex go on a date where Bay gives him a short overview of episodes 1 to 22. A motorcycle goes by. Bay looks longingly in the direction of the obnoxious sound, hoping perhaps it’s her ginger without working ears. Alex realizes that Bay is still hung up on Emmett.

Daphne is worried she is going to fail at her job and end up as a dishwasher or truck driver, which are the occupations deaf people are usually sentenced to, I guess. Kathryn comes to restaurant to play mama bear, but Daphne tells her to leave. She doesn’t want her help.

Regina and her boyfriend get ready to have sex. They have to get this done before Daphne gets home. Regina says that Daphne will be away in college in two years, at which point they will have more time to make the sex. Regina’s boyfriend is happy to hear this. Even if he doesn’t want to get married, Regina at least knows they have a future together.

Bay meets Emmett. She tells him to stop trying to win her back because if he keeps it up, it might work and she doesn’t want that. Obviously, Emmett replies that he is not going to stop until wins her back. He’ll cover all of Kansas City is graffiti if that is what it takes.

Daphne puts up a mirror in the kitchen so she can lipread the chef when his back is turned. The chef is OK with this. He likes her determination and moxie.

Now we got to Angelo’s immigration hearing. We learn that Angelo paid the fine to get his warrant in Italy taken down. Since it’s Italy, I assume it was actually a bribe. The judge understands that Angelo has two daughters in this country, but says the girls have three parents already, which is 33% more than most people get. The judge orders him sent back to Italy within 48 hours.

So Regina and Angelo have an impromptu wedding in the courthouse. This will keep Angelo in the US—except oh shit, turns out Regina is an illegal immigrant too!

P.S.

The man who plays Angelo, Gilles Marini, had a guest spot on Modern Family. It was a season 3 episode where he played a man Claire bonded with because she thought he was gay. He was straight, though Claire didn’t know that until the end, leading to HILARIOUS sitcom hijinks!  I watched that episode over the summer and shouted out “It’s Angelo!” to no one because I watch television alone. Usually while naked.