The Glee Project: 104 “Dance Ability”

Season 1 Episode 4
Airdate: July 10, 2011

Something amazing happens at the very beginning of this episode. The voice over that tells us what happened in the previous episode actually tells us things we saw in the previous episode! No, for real! I’m surprised too! The editor for The Glee Project must be learning on the job.

glee project 104

The guest judge is the guy who plays Other Asian. I haven’t even learned the character’s name after two years, so I am certainly not going to make space in my brain to store the actor’s name.

glee project 104

The opening challenge is a song that I don’t know the name of either, but have heard before on Glee, which narrows it down to about 214 songs.

glee project 104

Other Asian Actor critiques each contestant on their dancing and not their singing, unlike the previous three challenges. He picks Samuel as the winner because OAA only liked him and Matheus and hated everyone else.

The song for today is MC Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch This”. The kids are all happy they will be rapping, but Robert warns them that it is a very fast song. Man, if you want a really fast rap song, make them do “Informer” by Snow. See if they are up to it. Jim Carrey was.

The kids record their rapping. As part of his prize, Samuel gets to include his own little rap diddy in the song. Instead of using words, he just scats, which impresses the people behind the control panel thing recording studios have. However, Hannah is upset because she was scatting earlier in the playpen and says Samuel stole her idea.

GOD DAMN IT YOU DID NOT INVENT SCAT. It goes back to 1911, at least. And I would think that anyone who aspires to be a professional singer would have at least a basic idea of what scat music is.

“Most of these kids have absolutely no dance training,” the choreographer tells us, which makes his job fun today because the project is all about dancing.

Alex gets the bitch edit that has normally reserved for Lindsay. In confessional, he tells us how much more talented he is than the other kids. But maybe he has a right to say this a he is the only one who appears to be getting down the steps. The choreographer even lets Alex try to teach the other contestants the moves, while he steps out to the hallway to polish off that fifth of rum that has gotten him though this show so far.

“We’re not looking for the best dancer—obviously,” says the choreographer. That’s the nicest way he can put it. Because it looks bad if you are full grown man screaming obscenities at a bunch of young people who are barely out high school. But we can tell that’s what he wants to do.

glee project 104

The video has the kids dressing up in colorful early 90s hip hop clothes, like they are Will Smith (but cooler). You know how on Glee, whenever the kids sing as a group it sounds like those commercials for Kidz Bop CDs? Well, The Glee Project kids do as well, which sounds even weirder on a rap song than a pop song. Even so, they are still better than 99% of rap songs today.

Then there is a commercial break. Half the commercials for this dumb show seem to feature the kids from The Glee Project next to a bottle of Listerine or acne medication or handguns. One promo was even for a win-a-phone-call contest and asked, “Ever dream of talking to a Glee Project star?” No. No one has. Ever. This show is only a month old and none of the contestants are likable.

Alex, Matheus, and McLydonBJohnson are in the bottom 3. Wow. Both of the black kids. In a rap contest.

glee project 104

McLalapalooza is up first. She sings “Last Name”. Ryan Murphy, who created Glee after eating random mushrooms he found in the woods, is impressed and says he always wanted a country singer on the show. Which means he probably never thought about having a country singer on the show until just now.

Hey, on the subject of black people who sing country, did you know that Hootie from Hootie & the Blowfish is a country singer now? His name is Darius Rucker. How many of you are old enough to know who Hootie & the Blowfish were? Let’s see some hands.

I thought so.

glee project 104

Matheus sings another song I do not know the name of, but remember hearing last month at the mall. He takes his shirt off on stage, which Ryan Murphy likes. Ryan told him to do that. Matheus is not the first young man who has had to remove his clothes in front of Ryan Murphy to get acting work.

glee project 104

Alex puts that girl voice to good work with a rendition of “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston. Ryan likes the singing, but grills him over the put down he gave to the other kids in confessional. I wonder when the hell reality TV contestants will learn that they are being recorded in that booth. Alex’s excuse is something about him being gay and how it’s hard and Ryan is all like “Ok.” Alex should have said that the only role models he has are bitchy gay men with shows on Bravo so that’s the only way he knows how to be gay.

glee project 104

McLightsaber is eliminated.