The Glee Project: 105 “Pairability”

Season 1 Episode 5
Airdate: July 17, 2011

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Since today’s special word is “Pairability” the kids are immediately placed into pairs to sing the opening challenge, “Need You Now” by Lady NeedAWordThatSaysCountryMusic. Samuel is paired with Lindsay. He tells us it’s going to be a real challenge to pretend that he likes her. Hannah and Damian are paired up as Team Irish, and proceed to have twenty children together. Cameron and Marissa are matched together, although Cameron reminds us that he is uncomfortable with this because he is a Christian. From the sound of it, he was raised in one of those fundamentalist churches in Texas that say it’s a sin to hold a girl’s hand unless you are married, or she’s your sister, or both. Alex and Matheus are the final duo. With McLeharNewshour gone, there is one less girl among the contestant pool, but Alex is close enough.

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The guest judge is Blaine again, and he picks Marissa as the winner, which allows her to select who she will duet with in the music video. She chooses Samuel, which causes Cameron to tell us, “I feel a little dumped.” Cameron needs to find a new church, one that doesn’t seriously mess with his perception of what a relationship actually is. Marissa tells us that Cameron was uncomfortable performing with her and she wants someone who would be more into singing with her. Since Samuel is always sporting chubby whenever they talk, she knew he’d be perfect.

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Instead of the whole group sharing one song, each pair will be sing and dance in their own song and video. Damian and Matheus are assigned “The Lady is a Tramp” and do poorly.

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Next, Hannah and Alex have a song from Chicago that normally two women sing and Alex wears a dress. This is the third time in a row Alex has sung a song or the part of a song meant for a woman.

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Marissa and Samuel sing “Don’t You Want Me”. Marissa surprises Samuel with a kiss at the end of the video because the director told her to.

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Cameron and Lindsay are last. Their song is “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” and after Lindsay saw Marissa kiss Samuel, she decides to also give Cameron an unplanned smooch.

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Unfortunately, Cameron does not know how a normal person processes a kiss, and he freaks out and phones his mom, confessing that he just cheated on his girlfriend back home. No, for real, that’s what he did. His mom tries to calm him down but it doesn’t help. “No mom, you don’t understand. I think she’s a Jewish!”

The road to elimination is different today since there are four pairs. Marissa-Samuel were deemed to have the best performance, so they are safe. But the remaining three pairs will have to sing a second duet in front of Glee creator, Ryan Murphy, who will then pick the bottom three after consulting his pet turtle, who also happens to be Glee‘s associate producer.

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Damian and Matheus go first. They sing “These Boots Are Made for Walkin'” and wear galoshes. They are terrible.

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Next, Alex and Hannah do “Valerie” (four in a row!). Ryan Murphy asks Alex why he did not come on stage dressed like Amy Winehouse. Alex is unable to reply that the contestants have never worn costumes on the stage and it’s hard to find a short dress covered in cocaine dust in his size. Alex is worried that Ryan Murphy is going to eliminate him solely because he did not wear a dress.

Ryan Murphy didn’t even see Alex wearing a dress in his video. Robert told him about it while they were waiting for Alex and Hannah to come on stage. Apparently, Ryan Murphy does not watch the videos the kids make. It would only be two minutes of his time per video. It takes Ryan Murphy that long to write an episode of Glee.

Wait…so why is Ryan so damn fixated on finding out these kids’ personalities when he won’t even take the time to see how they are like outside of the two minutes a week they sing for him? And how would he be able to know anything about someone who never fell into the bottom 3? Marissa and Samuel could kick ass every week and Ryan would never see them.

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Cameron and Lindsay go last with “River Deep–Mountain High”. Ryan then inquires about Cameron’s Christianess because Ryan says that he has always wanted to have a religious character on the show. Huh? Didn’t, like, every character but Kurt turn out to be religious? Mercedes goes to church every Sunday; she should have stories about being a Christian in high school, but then Glee would actually have to give Mercedes something to do.

The whole aim of this competition is dumb. Ryan Murphy is dead set on selecting the individual whose personality he thinks would make the best new character. But then he insists that whoever wins will have to know how to act (which would have knocked out the guy who plays Finn from this contest). Maybe this all stems from the fact that Ryan Murphy did create the character of Kurt based on how Chris Colfer is in real life, and Ryan Murphy is totally in love with Kurt/Chris.

Which brings me to my problem with The Glee Project. The producers want these kids to be “authentic” but only as the producers define it. They tell the kids be true to themselves, but also demand that they craft themselves into characters that the Glee writers could easily use on the show, and get mad if the kids don’t alter themselves to fit into whatever simple caricature Ryan Murphy has in mind. “No Cameron, you would never wear a suit. Put on some jeans right now!” And Cameron was only even up for elimination that day because he had to much self-esteem, for fucks sake.

It shows how lazy the Glee writers are. I mean, I understand that Matheus being short probably affects his day to day life, and if you were casting a high school quarterback, the guy who plays Finn has the right body type for it. But I doubt the actor behind Finn ever defined himself by the single word “jock”. Glee was originally about not letting who you are on the outside or your background or whatever define you (I mean, for the first half of the first season they sort of were). But on The Glee Project the adults are telling the kids to do exactly the opposite. You could see in the sandwich sign episode how averse the kids were to pigeonholing themselves with one word, despite the adults pressuring them to. And the kids were right to be reluctant. Only a Hollywood writer would think people are that simple, except for Alex, who I am pretty sure has a brain that chants a chorus of “GayGAYgaygAyGAY!!!GAAAYY!!!!!” 24 hours a day.

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Alex, Cameron, and Matheus are the bottom 3. They won’t have to sing another song. Instead, the contestants hangout in the playpen until the list is posted. Alex was criticizing Matheus a few times earlier today, so Matheus confronts him about it and they argue and Matheus cries and then Matheus is eliminated. The producers got his tears, that’s all they need of him.