The Glee Project: 107 “Sexuality”

Season 1 Episode 7
Airdate: July 31, 2011

The kids enter the playpen and see “Like a Virgin” written on the board. They get really excited over it, but the kids get giddy no matter what song is written on the board. It’s weird.

The kids practice sexuality, or how a bunch of young virgins understand it. Samuel rubs up on Cameron. Now this is the yaoi Glee Project’s female fans viewers have been waiting for! There were many nosebleeds across America this Sunday evening.

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The judges today are the guys who play Noah and Lauren. How can you not have the Love Rocket, MIKE O’MALLEY, be the judge when the subject is SEXUALITY? If you look up the word “sexuality” in the dictionary, there is a picture of MIKE O’MALLEY standing in front of the Aggro Crag. At least there is in my dictionary because I glued it there.

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Because the subject of this episode is sexuality, the kids bring it out by touching each other while singing. It’s actually really, really gross.

Samuel is chosen as the winner. Like last week, the kids will be teamed up. And like last week, Cameron is uncomfortable about it, being as he is a Christian and kind of fucked up about it. He says he has a girlfriend and they’ve been together for two years. I bet their moms set them up. And he attends a church in Texas, so they are probably married already. It’s weird how we all thought Cameron was this Rivers Cuomo-wannabe hipster in the beginning, but now he has morphed into the conservative Christian dude.

Nothing much happens at choreography practice. The kids are as horrible as always. The recoding session actually goes as bad as the choreography for once. Samuel and Damian were the bright spots, but the record producer, Nikki Anders, thought everyone else sucked. Man, they’re just doing another Katy Perry song. How hard could it be? Just get the robot that Katy Perry uses.

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Onto the video shoot. The song is “Teenage Dream” but it’s turning into more of a nightmare. LOL. While discussing the kids, Nikki says about Lindsay, “She has this musical theater thing” and then makes a stabbing motion. Nikki doesn’t need another musical theater diva in her life. She already has to deal with Darren Chris. I hear that guy refuses to tie his own shoes. Really, it’s true. He throws a fit unless an intern ties them for him (it’s to cover up the fact that he doesn’t know how).

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The struggle today is Cameron being a wimp yet again. He who can’t bring himself to kiss Hannah. Production has to stop because of him, for the second week in a row.

Alex, Cameron and Damian are the bottom 3.

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Damian sings the old Irish standard “Danny Boy” but does not do well. Which It begs the question: Is an Irish who can’t sing “Danny Boy” really an Irish? Ryan Murphy does not like the performance, but he also has never liked Damian. Ryan Murphy must be a Unionist.

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Alex sings the Gloria Gaynor song “I Will Survive” and takes a huge risk by not walking onstage in a dress. Luckily, Ryan Murphy has always disliked Cameron and Damian more than him.

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Cameron is up last with “Blackbird” by the Beatles. I dislike Cameron here because, before he sings, he says, “It’s a song that relates to my life.” What? You don’t get to say something like that unless you wrote the song. It certainly doesn’t make you special that you think you can relate to a Beatles song. Anyone can say that about any Beatles song. I say the same thing about “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer”. I’m sick of these dudes, usually white men between 15-30 who wear glasses, who think they have some special snowflake relationship with the Beatles. Newsflash dipwads: John Lennon was dead before you were born, and literally every single human being on the planet likes their music. “Awesome! I got a Beatles song. I totally deserve it because I am a way bigger fan of the most famous rock band in history than any of you!” Cameron is such a tool he’d be perfect to replace Darren Chris.

What happens next is very…well, I won’t say interesting. I can’t lie. It’s less boring than this show normally is. Ryan Murphy interrogates Cameron about how his religious beliefs would maker it difficult for him to be able to have an onscreen relationship with a girl and therefore be on the show. Ryan also says he would like a Christian character on the show and then I yelled “MERCEDES!!!!” at the TV screen. Do you ever get the sense that Ryan Murphy doesn’t actually watch Glee?

Then Cameron quit. And then Ryan Murphy, who in previous episodes was nothing but critical of Cameron and even said he didn’t see anything in him, suddenly wants Cameron to stay. You do not quit on Ryan Murphy! He fires you!

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Ryan Murphy follows Cameron to his dressing room, where he tries to convince Cameron to stay on. Ryan Murphy even tells him that he is safe and planed to send Dam ian home and please, please stay so Damian can go. But Cameron sticks with his decision and walks away from the contest. Ryan Murphy is sad. He just hates Damian so much!

So, I guess Samuel is on track to win this then, right? Because Lindsay is just Rachel, Alex is just Kurt and Mercedes’ baby, and Ryan Murphy hates Irish people. He is a self-hating Mick.