Season 2 Episode 4
Airdate: June 26, 2012
The theme is Sexuality. Aylin says she is “ecstatic” but reminds us that her religion is very strict and her family will not be happy, which she says every week. Nellie says she has never had sex nor even seen a guy naked. I want to know how many teen girls have seen a boy naked but didn’t have sex with him. That one kid who always says he is young and likes math reminds us that he is young and likes math. Tyler again blames his awkwardness during this task on his trangenderism rather than his lack of talent.
The guest judge is Santana herself, super sexy Naya Rivera, who, you may not know, is the niece of Geraldo Rivera. You can tell she got her sex appeal from him, particularly—what Ricky Martin songs refer to as—her bonbons. I forgot what the song is but the performance was kind of gross, as it always is on The Glee Project when the kids try to be sexy towards each other. Santana says Blake is cute, Aylin acts sexy but has no talent, Nellie was nervous, and Charlie is the winner.
The big group number is a mash-up of “Moves Like Jagger” by Maroon 5 and “Milkshake” by Kelis. The theme of the video will be a sex-ed class that turns into a boy vs. girl sex off. Who comes up with these fucking ideas?
Zack refers to the choreography session as “sex ed” then laughs for eight minutes. He probably got high before he came to work, just to get through the damn day.
Nikki says the key to this challenge will be confidence “because confidence is sexy”. Her husband, Dolph Lundgren, is very confident. He killed Carl Weathers, after all. I am not referring to a movie. Charlie is thinking of Alyin when he records his part and says this to Nikki. I’m sure Nikki gives 100 shits. Aylin and Charlie have been flirting for awhile now. I hope Charlie understands that Aylin is mostly doing this to piss off her parents. Though I’ve never known a teenage boy who would care about the reason a girl wants to make out with him.
Onto the video shoot. Lily says her biggest rival will be Aylin because the Muslim girl expresses her sexuality a lot (by always talking about it). But Lily intends for the judges to notice her too. I don’t think it’s hard to miss Lily. You can notice her from a mile away!
Of course this video is just an excuse to dress 20-somethings in sexy clothes and have them rub their tongues in the air next to one another.
We see some of Charlie’s one-on-one session with Naya. He’s alone in a room with Naya Rivera. You know this moment is going straight to the front of his spank bank.
We then see the music video, which begins with a teacher asking the students to write an essay on what sex means to them. This is pretty typical for a teacher on Glee.
Nellie gets high marks for starting out nervous but then giving all the judges boners, including Nikki (those pregnancy hormones make a woman’s body do odd things). Shanna is in the bottom 4, but is spared having to be in the same room as Ryan Murphy.
Before the last chance performances, we are shown a brief scene from earlier in the competition where Nellie tells the other contestants that she used to think the song “Milkshake” was literally about milkshakes. To be fair, it would have been hard to understand the context of the song, as she must have been in elementary school when it came out. I didn’t find out that the Spice Girls’ “2 Become 1” was about sex until 2009.
Nellie: I used to think this song was just about milkshakes.
Aylin: Why would the milkshake bring all the boys to the yard?
Nellie: Because everybody likes milkshakes!
Blake: Damn right it’s better than yours, I can teach you but I’d have to charge.
Nellie: I can teach you how to make this milkshake, but then I wouldn’t make a profit because you could just make your own.
Up For Elimination:
Charlie sings a Cole Porter song he has never heard before. He is here for telling Nikki about his sexual interests and also trying to act like the director during the video shoot. Erik, the actual director, really didn’t like that. If I were Erik, I would let Charlie figure this shit out himself and go smoke outside. Charlie’s excuse is his “childhood enthusiasm” but that doesn’t go over well with the judges. “Are you just so madly in love that you lost your mind?” Ryan Murphy asks. “This is not high school.” Ryan Murphy is just stringing random sentences together to sound like he should be an executive producer.
Tyler is up for a third time. He sings “Smile” by Charlie Caplin, which was in the season 1 episode “Mattress”. Though, like Charlie, Tyler has never heard of it. Robert must think he will get a complaint from GLAAD if he says Tyler is not talented, so he instead says that everyone else is better than him. Ryan calls his “choice” to be transgender “brave” before saying that the other contestants are better.
Michael is here because Nikki had to kick him out of the studio for sucking so bad. He sings “Lucky” by Jason Mraz, which is fitting because Mraz also sucks. Michael forgets the words because they are not worth remembering, so improvises. Ryan criticizes him for choking. So Nikki and Zack and Robert compliment Michael and say he should stay, which is their only way to say Ryan Murphy is wrong without opening telling him so. I don’t think they are allowed to tell him no, so they have to think of ways to get around saying it.
Tyler is eliminated. Whew, I worried they were going to string him even longer than they did. It isn’t even funny how bad his rendition of “Keep Holding On” is. Well…actually it’s funny.
This is slightly off topic, but did you know that Ryan Murphy hosted a Hollywood fundraiser for Obama in his Malibu home earlier this month? It’s true!
Obama traveled a few miles by motorcade to the Beverly Hills home of Glee co-creator Ryan Murphy and his fiancé David Miller, where 70 donors paid $25,000 apiece to dine with the president. Attendees included actresses Julia Roberts and Reese Witherspoon, Banana Republic/Gap Inc. president Jack Calhoun, The Simpsons actress Yeardley Smith, Rob and Michelle Reiner, CAA super-agents Bryan Lourd and Kevin Huvane, HBO executive Michael Lombardo and partner Sonny Ward, White House decorator Michael Smith, Southern California DNC co-chair John Emerson, Glee actress Jane Lynch and her co-star Criss.
“I will not be singing tonight,” Obama joked after Murphy introduced him.
I am surprised that Ryan Murphy was cleared by the Secret Service. The New York fundraiser hosted by Anna Wintour (the editor of Vogue) and Sarah Jessica Parker (the skeleton with shoe for a face on Sex and the City) received an awful lot more press than the Ryan Murphy event. So did the fundraiser held in George Clooney’s home. Perhaps the media would have paid more attention if they had known it was catered by the team of Brazilian 19-year olds who live in the harem in Ryan Murphy’s basement.
As much as the fact that President Obama being in the same building as Ryan Murphy makes me hate both of them all the more, I feel sorry for Obama. I honestly feel sorry. Thanks to the Citizen United decision, Romney can collect unlimited donations from casino tycoons, Wall Street, and all sorts of wealthy Republican. But the only mega rich people who support the Democratic Party are in the media industry. And they aren’t just going to mail him a check. They want to be seen with the president. So Obama has to waste his time all these fucking dinners so a bunch rich people, who are going to vote for him anyway, can feel like they are taking part in history. After all, the president of the United States is the biggest celebrity there is, so of course these narcissistic dips are going to want to be around him.
The saddest thing about all this is that if Obama is re-elected, you know Ryan Murphy is going to take credit for it.