The Glee Project: 2.09 “Romanticality”

Season 2 Episode 9
Airdate: July 31, 2012

Six contenders remain. Robert announces that the theme is Romaticality, which Word’s spell check suggests I change to “Grammaticality”. That’s funny word humor. Robert says Glee has several “iconic relationships” which is a matter of opinion, but Robert is wrong. Glee has one: Santana and Brittany, which began as a couple of jokes in season 1. Every other relationship on the show is dumb. Mike & Tina and Mercedes & Sam are forgettable; Rachel and Finn is fucking obnoxious; Will and Emma only exists due to Emma settling because she is close to 40 and doesn’t want to die alone; and Kurt and Blaine is just Ryan Murphy being a Mary Sue with Kurt and writing Blaine as the dream boyfriend he wish he had in high school.

The homework song is “More than Words” by Extreme. If you don’t recognize that song, I guarantee you’ve heard it a million times. It’s very iconic ‘90s, less so than “Runaway Train” but nothing is more ‘90s than fucking “Runaway Train”. Anyway, Michael told us earlier that he considers Blake his biggest competition being the only other boy left. The kids have to partner up and it is clear here that every girl has a crush on Blake. Take that, Michael. Blake and Ali are a team, and so are Shanna and Michael. Neither boy liked Lily (fat) or Aylin (Charlie’s mark all over her) , so they have to pair up despite never getting along.

The guitarist from Extreme, Nuno Bettencourt, will play guitar while they sing. I’m sure it was very hard for the The Glee Project to get him here. I bet when someone from Glee called about getting permission to use the song, they expected to get the band’s publisher or manager, but the number went to Nuno’s home. He shares a trailer in a trailer park with the band’s manager, so that was why.

Nuno jokes that Robert lost his virginity to this song. Yeah, who doesn’t love the middle-aged guy who tries to relate to young people with sexual humor? Even worse than having Nuno Bettencourt here, Darren Chris (Blaine) is the guest judge. Darren picks Blake as the winner. Darren has a crush on Blake, too.

The big song will be “We Found Love” by Rihanna. Since Blake won the homework assignment, he is allowed to pick his partner. He sticks with Ali. Regardless if Ali can’t feel anything down below, she did right now. The other pairs are Aylin & Shanna, and Michael & Lily. Blake and Ali are regarded as the team to beat. Lily is disappointed that Blake did not choose her and actually refers to the “fire and spark that Blake and I have”. Yes, she said that. I am horrified.

There is a choreography rehearsal unlike the last few episodes, but Zack is working at Glee today, so the session is led by his assistant, a Who from Whoville.

Before recording begins, Nikki tells us, “I just hope they can harmonize.” The pairs are in the booth together, but sing separately. Aylin jokes that it has been a“lesbian week” for her then follows with, “It will be very interesting when my family sees this.” She has said this exactly 174,513 times so far. Aylin does well, but Shanna does not, which surprises Nikki because Shanna has been a strong singer up until now.

Then comes Michael and Lily. Nikki tells us, “I’m expecting Michael to be challenging to work with” because he does poorly every week. But he surprises her but not sucking for once. Hell yeah low expectations! Her partner also does well. Nikki says that Lily has become “almost one of the best in the studio now.”

However, Blake is not perfect for once and had problems harmonizing. It’s like Michael Jordan playing minor league baseball!

The music video will take place during a Saturday detention. The principal (played by Glee’s principal Iqbal Theba) steps out to go to the bathroom or smoke a joint or whatever, so they kids run around the school to make out, and then run back before the principal returns. They could have saved time and energy by just making out in different corners of the classroom.

Aylin tells Shanna they should be playful, but the director doesn’t think they looked “natural” and Zack thinks they are “too choreographed”. The two seemed to being doing OK based on what I saw, but I am certain any problems Aylin had were due to her constant need to use this show as a dumb way to rebel against her parents.

While Michael and Lily are doing their scene, Nikki says that either boy could win. Either the editing hasn’t been showing Michael’s talent, or Nikki is talking out of her ass, or Nikki thinks Lily is a boy.

After the video shoot, the judges give Lily and Ali the most praise. As she is leaving the room, Blake gives his partner a kiss on the head. That was so adorable! Michael is criticized for being “stiff” and told this has been reoccurring issue with him. But he skates out of the bottom 3 yet a-fucking-gain.

Before the bottoms are up (LOL!!!!), there is a brief scene from earlier where Lily and Michael decide (by that I mean I’m sure this was all Lily’s idea) to get into character as couple by having a little dinner date in the playpen before the video shoot. Like with Blake, Lily thinks there is actually some sort of romantic connection with this boy.

God, I could make fun of Lily SO much, but I kind of want to be gentle as I’ve thrown about 50 fat jokes towards her already, and I kind of understand why she is so nuts. One, she is living among a bunch of young people in a confined space for several weeks, and that’s going to make everyone look (except Mario) at everyone else through sexy eyes. She’s still shown better decorum than Aylin. Two, young people can be pretty bad at reading each other’s signals. Lily seems to be worse at it than most, but it’s not totally unusual for someone her age to think that maybe someone likes you just because they smiled in the same room you are in, which led to me being kicked out of my family reunion.

Bottom 3:

Aylin sings “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” by Roberta Flack. Aylin is here for not doing well at the video shoot. Zack has a large smile as she sings and that is always a sign that the kid is safe from elimination. Also, Ryan is interested in her tokenism. “I am very interested to know what your mama would think of this show,” Ryan says, then asks, “What do you think it would mean for Muslim girls to turn into Glee every week and see a modern girl who is not a stereotype?” It means they would be just as disappointed in Glee as gays, lesbians, the disabled, the overweight, and Asians.

Blake sings “Losing My Religion” by R.E.M. He did awesome because he is Blake the…snake? No, that’s OK, but we can do better. How about Blake the Lake? No. Uh…take? Bake…Blake the Bake? No. Drake? No, that’s a terrible rapper. Fake? Rake? Shake? Oooh, shakes are awesome. But I got one better! Blake the Cake! Because he is so delicious.

Anyway, Ryan Murphy criticizes Blake the Cake for an “absence of vulnerability” which means that the Cake has never cried in front of him, and also doesn’t belong to an ethnicity or have a sexual orientation or past tragedy that Glee can exploit. Ryan says he doesn’t know what kind of character he could write for Blake, and Blake needs to show him. Because, it’s an actor’s job to write their character, not the writer’s. I’ve written plenty when I recapped season 1 about how this whole process shows how lazy and stupid the Glee producers are, so I am going to stop before I go into another angry rant. My kitty just entered the room and it’s time to pet her.

Oh no, wait, she just stepped out of the litter box. Going to have to wait a half an hour.

Shanna sings “Stronger” by Kelly Clarkson. This is her first time in front of Ryan, and Robert still thinks she is “the top girl.” Ryan asks her about a comment she made earlier that Michael should be in the bottom 3. “Do you think he should be here instead of you?” asks Ryan. “Yes” replies Shanna and everyone who watches this show.

Shanna is eliminated, which is a surprise as she has been really strong. I guess Ryan and the other producers don’t know how they can create a character who is a crack baby and make it fun.

So Blake the Cake pretty much has this in the bag right? Because it seems like the only reason the producers put him in the bottom 3 today and are keeping Michael on this long is so the Cake doesn’t look like the sure thing he’s been for awhile.