The Glee Project: 2.10 “Actability”

Season 2 Episode 10
Airdate: August 7. 2012

There is one week left until the finale. The final five are Ali, Aylin, Blake, Lily and Michael.

When Robert enters the playpen, four of the final five are there. Lily had to dash out of the kitchen and didn’t even have time to put away the bag or marshmallows and box of crackers or clean the s’more stains from her vag. The theme today is Actability, which spell check says is an actual word. The homework song is “Addicted to Love” by Robert Palmer. Michael is the only one who knows it. I have to think that the other kids have heard the song at some point in their lives, but just aren’t familiar with title and wouldn’t know who the hell Robert Palmer is. Ulrich could show the kids the iconic music video, but then they’d be asking, “Why is he copying that Shania Twain video for ‘I Feel Like a Woman’?”

The kids are eager to demonstrate their acting skills. “If you can’t act,” says Ali, “then you shouldn’t be on Glee.”

 

The guest judge is Dianna Agron (Quinn). She looks totally different from Quinn. Like, she actually looks in her 20s here. Maybe it’s the tan or maybe it’s not having to dress either as a cheerleader or housewife with a county club membership. As they sing, each kid will have to convey a different emotion that Dianna has on a flash card. So when they sing in unison, it ends up looking like a Whose Line game by people who aren’t funny. Michael, Blake, Aylin and Ali gets props and Lily gets none. Dianna selects Michael as the winner.

The big song will be “Perfect” by Pink and the video will be a trailer for a fake movie, “a coming of age story about a group of teenagers in small town”. During the filming, the kids had to improvise short scenes. Actability!

Aylin plays a Turkish girl with conservative parents who think she is pure, but is secretly seeing quarter and ends up pregnant. Her parents flip out and make her wear a headscarf. I don’t understand if the headscarf is a punishment or maybe her parents think Allah will undo the pregnancy if she wears it. Aylin almost has a panic attack when she puts on the headscarf, as she has resisted wearing it her whole life. But the producers got her tears, her precious, precious tears. The Glee Project producers are like Gollum and the contestants’ tears are like the One Ring.

Blake is the quarterback. Everyone loves him, but he is a poop head who abuses Aylin. This should be like a silent movie and he should be dressed all in black and have a long, thin mustache, and tie Aylin to railroad tracks.

Michael is a football player who used to worship Blake, but loves Aylin. He will defend her honor. I think he was the one who got her pregnant, so if anything, he’s done as much to fuck up Aylin’s life as Blake.

Ali plays Michael’s sister. She had dreams of being an Olympic runner until a car accident. Dude, there is still the Special Olympics.

(Oh wait, I have just been informed that the Special Olympics are for mentally retarded people. The physically retarded compete in the Paralympics. Up until now, I always thought the Special Olympics and Paralympics were the same thing. Like, I guess I assumed adults with the brain of a 6-year-old and people with no legs ran in the same race.)

Lily ran Ali over. I could see Lily doing that on purpose.

In recording, Aylin does poorly and is Blake too sharp. However, Nikki compliments Ali by saying, “You approached it like an actor…that was really great.” Lily cries. Oh god, Lily always cries. Whenever she is facing any sort of criticism, she lets out the tears and blames it on being insecure about her weight. Nikki criticizes her singing, so Lily cries about being the fat girl. It’s so annoyingly manipulative, but she’s stayed in the game this long thanks to it.

After the video shoot, regardless of how anyone did, Zack, Robert and Nikki all give the kids praise for getting this far. Pregnant Nikki tells them she sees “qualities in each of you that I would love for my kid to have.” Let’s guess what they are!

  • Ali – blonde hair
  • Aylin – pretty eyes
  • Blake – all around good looks
  • Lily – uhum…pass
  • Michael – maybe he has a large bulge? Nikki would know; she is eye-to-crotch level with the kids every week. I suppose you wouldn’t want that on a daughter, on the other hand, Sweden is a very accepting culture.

There is no bottom 3. Instead, all five will perform in from of the Glee writing team. Ah man, Ryan Murphy’s pet iguanas are going to be in the theater.

Actually, the writing staff of Glee is comprised of five human beings. You’d never know from watching that Glee has this many writers and they are all Homo sapiens.

Here are the performances:

Michael sings a slowed-down version of “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” by Cyndi Lauper that was used in an awful episode of Glee. The writers think he “is the real deal” but they write for Glee, what would they know about people?

Lily sings “Son of a Preacher Man” by Dusty Springfield. Glee co-creator, Ian Brennan says she is “interesting and complex” but must be “hard to direct”. I don’t think you can get that much from her singing one song. As an executive producer on Glee, I would assume Brennan sees the footage from The Glee Project. It would have to be the footage that doesn’t make it to air, because I never saw how Lily could be “interesting and complex”. I see someone who eats too much and cries all the time. I am from the Midwest; that’s half our population.

Ali sings “Here’s to Us” by Halestorm. Ian says of Ali, “I could picture here as a promiscuous bitch.”

Ryan tries to sound like he saw that in Ali all this time instead of the wheelchair (which is all he saw), and states that if you have a disabled character on Glee, you “make the disability the least part of them.” Ryan Murphy seriously said that. Hey, remember how Artie’s disability was such a minor part of him? He had so many qualities that were more front and center than his chair? Such as…um…his thing with uh

Well, other than being disabled, he was kind of a perv.

Blake sings “I’m Still Standing” by Elton John. The lone female writer says the same thing Ryan has about Blake, that she “wants to see the vulnerability” in him. Maybe she is new and thinks brown-nosing Murphy will help her keep her job. She is probably correct.

Aylin sings “Fighter” by Christina Agularhla. All of the writers are interested in having a Muslim on Glee. Completely disregarding what was just said about Ali, they would be eager to take Aylin and make her religion the biggest part of her character. Seeing the writing staff brainstorm should give us all a good idea of why Glee has gotten so bad.

 

Eliminated:

Michael. About damn time.

Lily. She did not cry.

The final 3 make sense. Blake and Ali are really good singers and the writers are totally in love with Aylin being a Muslim.