Season 1 Episode 6
Airdate: February 14, 2012
A bloody Connor is taken into the ER on a stretcher. Meanwhile, Raquel and the dentist, and Nick and Abby enjoy a post-sex morning, while Tariq stares at the city from the motel-apartment’s rooftop—on the very spot Connor and Abby got sexy. While this is going on, a folk song about Los Angeles plays. L.A. isn’t really a city that deserves folk songs about it. I mean, it’s not even a very good song, which still makes it good for a folk song. But L.A. doesn’t have the vibe of folk song city such as, say, San Francisco, it’s more a Randy Newman song city.
Alicia is apparently shook up from the porno she starred in yesterday. Even though she seemed to enjoy it at the time and got cake afterward.
Connor wakes up. He has a long line of stitches across his beautiful Aussie face, but, unlike us, cannot see the extent of his injury. He tries to sweet talk the nurse into telling him what is up, but she says he will have to wait for the doctor. Connor knows it’s bad, really bad if he is no longer handsome enough to get women to do what he wants.
Nick is with Abby at the coffee shop he works at, when the improv girl pops in. Now, Nick presumably lost his virginity yesterday and now has to juggle two women today! Man, this kid is a late bloomer but moves fast. Improv girl leaves without knowing about sex with Abby, and Abby wants to know how Nick knows improv girl. “She’s a comedian,” blathers Nick. “I know her from the comedies.”
Raquel sees Ellen Page outside the apartment. We don’t see Ellen Page, just the 9-year-old extra who was hired to portray the back side of Ellen Page. The L.A. Complex can’t afford the real Ellen Page. What makes it worse is that Ellen Page is Canadian, so you’d think this show could get some kind of tax subsidy to pay for her. But most Canadian celebrities who make it big in the USA don’t ever want to return to Canada. It would be embarrassing, like going back to performing at the county fair when you used to sell out Madison Square Garden.
Hey, on the subject of Ellen Page, did you know that Diablo Cody based the titular character in Juno off of Ellie from Degrassi? It’s true. I’ll tip my hat to Ms. Cody. She watched hours and hours of Degrassi and got an Academy Award out of it. That’s more than anyone who was actually involved in Degrassi has gotten. And me. I’ve watched Degrassi my entire adult life and all I wound up with was this dumb website and shoutout on the made-for-TV movie that didn’t make any sense (I am referring to both the shoutout and the movie as a whole).
The actress who played Ellie, Stacey Farber, even auditioned for the role and was a finalist for the part, but lost out to Ellen Page. That has to bite, not getting cast for a role that was based off a character you played for years. They got the kid who played Sean in that movie, but not Ellie. And Juno made Ellen Page famous. I wonder if everytime Stacey Farber comes across an Ellen Page movie on TV or the DVD rack, she just screams to the sky.
Anyway, Raquel is worried because she knows that Ellen Page is interested in the script her neighbor’s wrote. And Page loves to steal work from less well known actresses. The screenwriting neighbors will stick with Raquel, but they want $100,000. They are cocky little hetero lifemates.
Back at the hospital, the doctor explains that Connor was given many stitches and fractured his checkbone, but will not require plastic surgery. Sad Connor is sad.
What is the deal with that girl and boy who are always singing? They are up there everyday playing music. Do they have jobs? Is being a musical act on the balcony everyday their job? How could that be? It’s not like anyone here has spare change to give them.
Alicia is in bed when she gets a phone call informing her that she is late to the audition for the Will.I.Am video the porn cake guy got her a slot for. Alicia rushes to the audition, but gets lost on the way. She calls Nick, who has the spare key to her apartment. He has the key right there in his pocket, which is weird. It’s not even attached to a key ring, he just has it in his jeans.
Alicia frantically asks Nick to find a business card with address of the audition. But first, Nick wants to know how she is feeling after the porn shoot. Alicia doesn’t have time to talk about that, because, you know, she needs to get to work. “I just want to know that you’re alright,” says Nick. He is raising his voice and suggests she return to the apartment so they can talk about this. I will also add that Nick finds the business card quickly, but holds back on giving her the address until she talks about her feelingsabout the porn. Finally Alicia snaps at him, “I don’t have time to make you feel good about my decisions.” Nick is an asshole. And I’m incredibly surprised that the show had him called him on that. If this was Degrassi, Alicia would have realized what a great guy Nick is for caring about her and turned her car around. And Nick would have a third girlfriend.
Nicks hears Abby call for him. She needs Nick to stand between her and Kaldrick, who has just shown up. Nick is her white knight? Jesus. The whole complex is watching Kaldrick. It’s not often someone with a savings account is present here. Kaldrick humbly apologies to Abby for threatening to kill her the other day. He is here to find Tariq, who refuses to come into work. Isn’t this, like, the third time Tariq has quit the same job? And he’s only an intern. His boss is incredibly forgiving.
Kaldrick and Tariq of course have sex in his apartment.
Raquel was able to get the dentist to write the check the screenwriters wanted. Raquel feels guilty for using him. Raquel should feel flattered her pussy is worth a hundred grand to somebody. She hands it to the screenwriters without a contract. I suppose she feels she doesn’t need one, because she threatens their lives instead.
If every penny of this doesn’t end up on the screen, I will kill you and make it look like a murder/suicide. You will be found naked and dead in a lovers embrace and no one will question it. I will take your lives if you take advantage of this man. And I will get away with it.
-Raquel to her Screenwriting Neighbors
The screenwriters are very afraid of Raquel. I think they should be more fearful of Ellen Page. Did they see Hard Candy?
Nick drives Abby to an audition. As she is getting out of the car, he takes the opportunity to tell her about sleeping with the improv girl. Abby is fine with the news, but then is like,“Wait, when?” Nick has to admit it was a few hours before he had sex with her. Abby slaps her cheek and is like, “Whaaaaaat?”
So now Abby is all flustered at her audition. She can’t get the dialogue out and complains that she already gone through nine auditions for this part. “My idiot boyfriend just told me he slept with another girl,” she tells the casting people, “so I’m not going to be so great today.” And then she complains about how hard trying to get work as an actress is. The casting director says he likes Abby and would she please just read for the part one more time. Abby is all, no because everyone in this town says they like me and they are always assholes.
Connor’s hospital room is cluttered flowers sent by fans. He’s already been reported on TMZ. Connor expected to be fired, but the producer was excited and will have it written into the show. Connor’s character will have gotten into a car accident and become a patient at the hospital he works for. So everything is going to be peachy!
The nurse returns to say he is being released from the hospital, but will need someone to drive him home. Connor can’t think of who to call. “Surely one of these flower-givers can give you a ride?” the nurse asks, which gives Connor (and us!) something to think about on the nature of fame and who your true friends are.
Tariq is back at work and Kaldrick records a song that includes a subtle reference to Tariq, which will make this the gayest rap album since The Marshall Mathers LP.
Alicia was too late and the auditions ended before she arrived. She searched the building to find the office of the man who gave her the business card and begs him to give her a second chance. The man says the auditions are over with and she should leave. Instead, Alicia closes his office door and says there has to be something she can do to get this. So the man kisses her. And Alicia slaps him.
“Did I mix up some signals?” he asks, surprised. Alicia informs him that she has worked very hard in this town for three years so deserves a chance. The man says that doesn’t matter, because there are thousands of talented girls in this town trying to do exactly what she is, and just being here doesn’t make her special. It’s the talk Abby needs to hear, too.
The man points out that Alicia went from begging him for a job to slapping him. “You can’t be desperate and proud,” he says. So she slaps him one more time and leaves.
But Alicia has a change of heart when she sees her doppelganger in the hallway crying with a bloody foot. That Prince video for “Floor of Broken Glass” did not go very well. Alicia goes back and makes out with the guy we all thought was gay last episode.
Later that night, she gets a phone call. She has been hired for the Usher tour she tried out for a few episodes back. It’s an eight month world tour. Wait…did she get this by having sex with the guy? That was just for a Will.I.Am video. She must have been really good if he upgraded her to an Usher tour.
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