The L.A. Complex: 2.03 “Choose Your Battles”

Season 2 Episode 3
Airdate: July 31, 2012

Previously on The L.A. Complex:

Abby was hired on Saving Grace, a Christian TV show. She caught two of her co-stars making some love, and has to keep that a secret.
Beth and Simon moved to L.A. and a room at the Deluxe. A children’s talent agent wants them to pay $1200 for headshots and acting classes to get Simon started in the biz.
Connor agreed to pretend date an older actress named Jennifer Bell. He will be paid for this.
Kaldrick survived his suicide attempt and spent time in a mental ward. He could only admit his gayness to a patient who is mute.
Nick was hired as a writer for The Paul F. Tompkins Show. He will have to compete with Sabrina to keep his job.
Raquel still can’t get work as an actress.

Kaldrick gets out of bed and dressed while the song he wrote about Tariq plays. Abby sings on the chorus, remember that? I wonder if she’ll get any money. Kaldrick has a press conference. For a moment, he thinks he sees Tariq in the audience, but it’s someone else. All black people look alike to black people, too.

Nick and Abby are getting busy in front of the clown portrait, as per Nick’s weird fetish. “I love you,” he tells her, but she replies, “I’m on TV” as a scene from her Christian show plays in which she is kisses a boy. Suddenly, Nick is making out with Sabrina and one of his teeth falls out. Then Paul F. Tompkins shoots him. Either David Lynch directed this episode or it’s a dream.

Sadly, it’s a dream. Nick wakes up. He wants to talk to Abby about how stressful his job is, but Abby can’t listen to him because she needs to go to work. Nick whines about how they used to have all this time to be with each other, but now they do not. Yeah, before last week, neither of you had jobs, so you could. Now you have to wait until after work to see each other, just like every other adult couple in America. But Nick still acts like it’s all Abby’s fault. Nick is a giant vagina.

Connor got Raquel a small role on his medical drama. A producer hands them script changes because their scene was just rewritten. This show-within-a-show seems to be based on Grey’s Anatomy and I refuse to believe Gray’s Anatomy pays this much attention to their scripts.

Kaldrick has a radio interview. A caller asks him about Infinite Jest, a rapper on the internet who called him “a bitch who went soft.” Kaldrick doesn’t take this Infinite Jest guy seriously because every celebrity has someone on the web writing mean things about them. Infinite Jest is the username of someone who makes comments on Youtube. Then there is a call from a person named Walter who asks Kaldrick about redemption and invites him to his mission in town. Man, people who run charities, always looking to get in a plug.

Beth and Simon go to the agent with the headshots their neighbors did for free. But the agent says those are no good and Simon needs the ones the agency will photograph for $600. Beth argues that these are the same as the ones the agency would provide. Because Beth won’t pay, the agency turns Simon down.

Back at the Deluxe, the screenwriting neighbors confirm to Beth that the agency was a scam. They tell her that she can bypass talent agents all together because casting calls that are only supposed to be sent to agencies can be found on a certain website for a $15 subscription. Beth tells them she doesn’t have a credit card, so one of the neighbors uses his. Beth also needs to tell them she doesn’t have 15 bucks. And will have to use their computer.

On the set of Saving Grace, Abby is about to film a scene in which she kisses Brandon. She has had to spend a lot of time at the arcade with Brandon and Laura so they know they can trust her after she caught them. Abby also wants them to like her, because if she can get along with the cast, she may get a permanent role on the show. Abby and Brandon have some chemistry with Abby, but she takes it too far and turns what should have been a little peck into lots of mouth. That’s the only way she knows how to kiss. This results in Abby’s second strike. Luckily, Donald goes by the rules of the ancient Israelite game of Mtzkhv (motzah ball), which has 144,000 strikes. Like their modern kin, the Israelites weren’t much at sports.

Raquel would like to spend time with Connor, but Jennifer Bell came to the set to be seen with him. So Raquel is the third wheel on their little lunch date. Jen presents him with a birthday cake that contains no sugar, and is made with “tofu, low-fat buttermilk, and apple sauce”. I don’t know if the cake is would taste bad or not. Tofu is gross, but buttermilk and applesauce are pretty good and I could see them making good cake ingredients. I mean, if you had never had carrot cake before, you’d think it has to be bad, because carrots aren’t sweet. But carrot cake is totally awesome and the best part of old people’s birthdays.

Kaldrick records a new track with Dynasty. It’s a song is about how he has nightmares. Remember, Dynasty was the producer who protected Tariq after Kaldrick beat him and isn’t going to put up with much from him. Kaldrick thinks he sees Tariq for a moment which makes him get pissy about how the beats Dynasty gave him are weak. “I’d give you something else,” says Dynasty, “but I’m all out of interns.” Being two black men with a minor point of disagreement, Kaldrick is ready to brawl, but so is Dynasty, who points out that he is much bigger than Tariq. Kaldrick leaves.

Sabrina is going to play dirty to beat Nick out of the writer’s position. She sent in a fake resignation letter under Nick’s name that came sprinkled with glitter and a signature with a heart to dot the i. Being Nick, the producer wasn’t sure if it was fake.

While they are out to lunch, Nick accuses Sabrina of erasing his hard drive and tells her, “Stop playing these mind games!” Then get into the car, when Sabrina reminds him that they need to get someone waffle fries. Nick goes back to the restaurant, and Sabrina drives off. Nick left his wallet and phone in the car. They are rivals, but still shared a car to lunch.

Raquel’s role ends when a gunmen busts into the hospital and shoots her. Her character dies in Connor’s arms. Jen takes Connor out for dinner.

Beth brings Simon to an audition, but the secretary won’t let him because they need an agent to confirm their appointment. Simon pretends to cry, but the secretary still turns them away. Hollywood is cold and heartless.

Outside, Beth and calls the secretary claiming to be Alison Woodridge, the agent who turned them down. She chews out the secretary until she puts Simon on the list. But Simon doesn’t like what his sister did. “You told a lie,” he says, his eyes so wide and pure. “You told a bunch of lies.” Oh, the innocence of children! “You’re welcome,” replies Beth. The writers pissed me off here. If the show is going to have Simon be the morality police towards Beth, I am going to stop watching this show, because that’s fucking stupid, even for the hacks who bring us Degrassi. Children are not more moral than adults; it’s actually completely the opposite. Little kids are mean, vicious fucking assholes, as anyone who has actually been a child should remember. Also, Simon lied to the agent’s secretary five minutes ago, so what the hell?

There is a party at Kaldrick’s house, but Kaldrick is not in the mood. He is slouched in his chair and scowling. He probably has his pants up to his waist, too. Infinite Jest and his crew crashes. Infinite Jest looks like Flavor Flav. Why? Maybe early ‘90s nostalgia is a genre of hip-hop. Maybe the producers of The L.A Complex don’t know any better because black people in Canada are twenty years behind blacks in America. Canada will have a black prime minister in 2038.

Infinite wants to challenge Kaldrick to a rap battle, but Kaldrick dismisses him, so Infinite goes at him with a rap diss about how he is old and lame and throws out the line “The king is dead, long live the jester.” Looks like Kaldrick has been served!  Kaldrick comes back with a diss about how Infinite is a nobody and a child and a virgin. Then Infinite punches him. Kaldrick’s friend goes ahead and beats Infinite down. Kaldrick remembers Tariq’s beating so stops it.

Infinite and his crew leave. They are going home to watch Home Alone II on VHS and play Super Nintendo.

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